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To just give up!

(147 Posts)
Whatelsecanipossiblydo Sat 13-Jun-20 13:48:29

I’ve name changed.

I’ve hit the point of feeling totally overwhelmed/frustrated/sad/angry and need to vent.

I’ve made the mistake of reading too much news, too many teacher bashing threads on here and now a message from a parent has tipped me over the edge.

During lockdown I’ve worked from home to teach. I have literally done the best I can. I have prepared online lessons of English, maths and one foundation subject every day. I have uploaded in various formats, organised paper work for students who can’t do it electronically. I have differentiated each task I have set. I have uploaded video tutorials and me modelling the work. I have marked every single piece of work that hasn’t been self marking. I upload a personal video message to the page to greet the children each morning and once a week I upload a video of me reading a story/poem or piece of non-fiction that I think they’d enjoy. I give them credits for their work and have tried to celebrate even the smallest of achievements that I know are big to some families. Each child in the class has received some sort of recognition for their work. I have called each family to offer support at 3 times now with extra calls to those who requested I called back . I have sent achievement certificates in the post. I give separate work to my SEN students. I have organised class games and competitions for fun.

This morning I got up and went to do some work and found a message from a parent basically saying that she and some of the other parents feel like I’ve really let their children down. She said they feel I have shown favouritism to one of the SEN children by setting personalised work (the only way they could know about this is to have talked to that parent) and not doing it for their children. She also said that I’d taken the lazy option of uploading work rather than zoom lessons (my school as a whole were not doing these). She said that they were upset that some of the marking comments weren’t personalised with their names which means I’ve copied and pasted. She also complained that I didn’t reply to a message she’d left asking for her child’s log in details for an online learning platform when she sent the message just before 5pm and I didn’t reply until after 8pm (I’d stopped working to have food and see to my children and put them to bed). She went on to call me unprofessional, lazy, unaware of the struggles of families and that as a group off parents they feel I should answer for the damage to their children’s education over lockdown.

I have cried. I feel so hurt and upset. I’ve tried to teach what I would teach in school as closely as I could... I literally don’t know what else I could have done.

I feel like giving up. I feel like just uploading some generic planning from a website and letting them get on with it.
I know I don’t do my job for thanks and recognition but I also don’t feel I deserve that. I feel like I’ve wasted my time...and if they weren’t happy then why the hell haven’t they said before now. I’ve spoken to them on the phone... they’ve had a questionnaire sent from school...

I know it won’t be all parents but I don’t know how many parents she’s talking about...
Would I seriously be unreasonable to step back and reduce my provision...or am I just spirting my dummy out...

OP’s posts: |
Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches Sat 13-Jun-20 13:55:25

That sounds so rough. I’m so sorry to hear she was so rude to you. It’s sounds like you’ve absolutely done you best.

You have no reason to think she is actually speaking on behalf of any other parents - she’s probably just speaking on her own behalf and trying to bolster it by saying “and others”.

Yes, she might be at the end of her tether with the whole lockdown thing - I know I am! - but no need to be so rude to you.

PeskyRooks Sat 13-Jun-20 13:58:38

Oh my God what a bunch of bitches!!
You have gone above and beyond! Far more than what my kids teachers have done (although I'm happy with what they have done also).
Could you get your headteacher to contact these parents and stick up for you a bit??
flowers you're a great teacher.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches Sat 13-Jun-20 13:58:53

She's a nob. As are her friends. Forward the message to your head and get them to deal with it.

afinetoothcomb Sat 13-Jun-20 14:01:16

Please don't respond to the message. I would refer it to your head and let them do it. I work in a school (not a teacher) and there have been times where I have been on my knees with the volume of work whilst trying to support my own child and their learning. I've seen what teachers are doing and it's bloody marvellous. Keep your chin up. You're doing a great job.

CazzaCat Sat 13-Jun-20 14:02:35

@Whatelsecanipossiblydo this sounds really horrible OP flowers

I highly doubt the parent would have said these things to you at school in person or at parents evening. She sounds like a keyboard warrior and a bully.

Can you forward this message to anyone more senior at school and get their advice to put together a reply? I do think her points should be addressed as you have a right to defend yourself, but you shouldn’t have to take all responsibility and get into back and forth messaging with her.

Don’t let her make you feel like shit I bet you’re an amazing teacher!

Whatelsecanipossiblydo Sat 13-Jun-20 14:03:57

I have forwarded the message to the head. Haven’t heard back yet... but it’s Saturday so I don’t expect to.
I’ve gone from sad to seething...
I forgot to include the part where she slated me for not being in school for key worker children (I was - on a rota - just like all the other staff).

OP’s posts: |
ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal Sat 13-Jun-20 14:06:27

What a piece of shit she is. Please try not to let one small minded woman get to you. I hope the head takes her to task.

Whatelsecanipossiblydo Sat 13-Jun-20 14:07:59

I won’t reply to it...not yet anyway. I’m too annoyed. Plus I’d rather the head responded on my behalf. If he says I should respond, I’ll make sure the head reads it and agrees the response first.

OP’s posts: |
ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule Sat 13-Jun-20 14:17:12

You're doing an amazing job. Amazing. Parents will find fault with anything, some do so to project their own feelings of inadequacy onto someone who's easy to blame. Especially if they've got together and been able to complain to each other - that just snowballs and blows everything out of proportion and in your absence they can all blame you. You do not need to explain yourself to them, and forwarding to the head is the right idea. However, you need to flip this round in your mind so you don't hold on to the negative thoughts. Flip it round back onto them - they are clueless about what your job involves, have stooped to playground gossip to give themselves some drama in lockdown, and YOU are the expert when it comes to educating their children. YOU. Not them. They are in the wrong.

If it helps, I know exactly how you feel. Before lockdown one Friday, I had an email at 10:30pm (we do not give out our direct email addresses at my school, but they aren't hard to work out and this came straight to me) berating me for missing the child out of a school event, listing all the times the child had been overlooked, describing in great detail how I had upset the child to the extent of a panic attack, and that I had discriminated against her by always picking my favourites. I lost a whole weekend to that email - it ruined all the downtime I was meant to have after what had been an intense week of one huge concert and then days of losing my lunch to auditions and rehearsals. The thought of the angry parent and the distraught child was just like a punch to the stomach.

Stupid thing was, the child hadn't been missed out, she'd been chosen, she just hadn't found out yet. I still let it get to me: please please don't spend all weekend feeling awful and remember that it's them who are talking nonsense, not your teaching or integrity that is really lacking. Treating children the same means adapting to their needs, sounds like you do that brilliantly. daffodil

SauvignonBlanche Sat 13-Jun-20 14:21:16

daffodil brew

LockdownLoppy Sat 13-Jun-20 14:22:34

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with parents like this and so sick of all the teacher bashing. It needs to stop!!! Rise above it (hard I know) and keep doing what you do.

Suzie6789 Sat 13-Jun-20 14:23:00

You sound like your doing a great job, you’re doing much much more than my DS’s school is.

PumpkinPie2016 Sat 13-Jun-20 14:25:25

Hard as it is, try not to let her get to you. Let the head deal with it. She is being nasty and ridiculous.

You are doing the very best you can, same as the rest of us (I am also a teacher). Many parents do appreciate this, although they may not always say it and the children will certainly appreciate it.

flowerscake for you.

Mummyshark2018 Sat 13-Jun-20 14:25:39

People can just be keyboard warriors and not realise that there's someone on the other end. I've had parents respond to a report I've written and emailed me over a weekend and weren't happy with certain bits and it gives me massive anxiety and ruins the weekend. It's hard as the emails pop up on my phone which is helpful the rest of the week, but not weekend.

If I were you I would try and put it out if your head for now and think that they're coming from a place of anxiety/ worry / fear and people are responding to things (over reacting) now that they may not have in normal circumstances.

Crunchymum Sat 13-Jun-20 14:27:15

I am glad you sent it to your head as that is what I was going to suggest.

Our (Y2) has been doing pretty much what you have been and I cannot praise her enough.

Sadly she has gone back to school this week to teach a key worker group for the rest of term and whoever had taken over (meant to be the TA and the other Y2 teacher) hasn't been up to scratch. I am hoping its just teething issues - however I would not dream of complaining as I realise like us, teachers are doing what they can, in a terribly difficult [and often hostile, if you go by the threads in here] situation.

I am sure your head will back you.

I'm a massive advocate of teachers and always have been. You have my utmost respect and gratitude for all you do.

longtimecomin Sat 13-Jun-20 14:29:53

Sorry op, that sounds awful. Shame on her

Crunchymum Sat 13-Jun-20 14:31:50

Sorry just to clarify, whoever has taken over from our Y2 teacher, haven't had much online presence (our teacher was always online, responding to anything the kids posted, implementing her reward system). The work is still being set etc and I realise the other Y2 teacher now has double to amount of kids to oversee.

starrynight19 Sat 13-Jun-20 14:34:10

I am so sorry you have been made to feel like this. I honestly don’t know what more you could have done.
The problem is the hysteria has been whipped up so much by the media that people feel this is now acceptable.
Would t surprise me if it was someone from here as there are a certain group of posters who I am sure would think this is ok given their posts on here.
I hope you have a supportive headteacher and this gets dealt with appropriately.
FWIW I think you’ve done an amazing job. Put the work away and enjoy your weekend and your family flowerscake

Marriedtoapenguin Sat 13-Jun-20 14:36:55

People talk far more shit hidden behind a keyboard than they'd ever do to your face.

Forward the email on to your head.

My kids teachers and school generally have been brilliant throughout this. I very much doubt this experience isn't repeated across many many schools.

mbosnz Sat 13-Jun-20 14:38:27

Who the hell does that woman think she is? How dare she?

You are doing an incredible job, under ridiculously hard conditions, and that ignorant twat can just wind her bloody neck in.

Whatelsecanipossiblydo Sat 13-Jun-20 14:39:01

Thank you for the kind replies! I feel better having vented and had supportive responses.
@ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule sorry you had a crappy parent too. I honestly think they just dehumanise us - it’s like we’re their punchbag.

I’m going to try and put it It off my mind and try to have fun with my kids. I’m sacking off work for the rest of the eeekend. Monday’s work is scheduled.

OP’s posts: |
InspectorCludo Sat 13-Jun-20 14:42:24

Shame on her
Completely agree.

This is not teacher bashing - I’m only saying this to give the OP some context.

From my school I have had zero phone calls. Zero personal emails. 20 minutes of teaching a day, which on the whole comprises of the teacher reading a PowerPoint.

What you have done in comparison is well and truly over and above.

HappyGoLuckyHippo Sat 13-Jun-20 14:42:46

Ooff that's awful of her. If somebody said that to me professionally after that effort I'd feel terrible as well. And I would cry.
Then one of my colleagues would probably come along to tell me it really is her that is the problem and not me. Some people are absolutely horrible and feel you "owe them" if you are in a profession like that.
Don't do anything just now, just let some time pass and await your head's reply.
Thank you for all you do! x

rosesinmygarden Sat 13-Jun-20 14:42:53

I'm so glad you've forwarded this to the head. They need to deal with it. If they don't protect you then you need to think very carefully about whether you wish to continue working for them.

Parents forget that teachers are human beings and they can be downright nasty to us at times, especially via email.

I think you'd be within your rights to insist that all further contact with this parent is done via the office or head. You have the right not to be abused at work and that is what this parent has done. They should have no further opportunity to treat you like this.

Do not reply directly and try to enjoy your weekend.

Parents like this are why I don't teach in schools anymore. I tutor instead and if parents are rude or overly demanding then I give them notice. In my last school, there were many parents like this and the head used to side with them. I ended up signed off with panic attacks and anxiety.

You are doing the best job you possibly can and I'd be delighted if my child's teacher had done all the things you describe.

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