DD1 (8 years old) had a massive crying breakdown this morning and didn't want to go to school. DH is a key worker and so she and her sister are both going as key worker children, whilst DS is in Reception, so he's eligible to go in anyway. We'd decided to send them in because it felt important that they had some semi-normality - I was dx with leukaemia at the start of lockdown and have been in and out of hospital for treatment, so it's difficult to manage things purely from a logistical point of view.
She said she is terrified of us all getting the virus and dying and her being left on her own. She is worried that I am going to die anyway. And she doesn't like me not being well. She just wants everything to go back to normal.
She also said at school they've been doing lots of circle time and talking about how they feel about the virus every day and sharing their "worry" thoughts. She says she doesn't like doing it because it just makes the worries bigger in her head. She just wants normal school.
DH (teacher) is not keen on all the "sharing" stuff because he thinks it encourages the younger kids to feel that they should be worried and scared. He wants to talk to the school. But I just feel terrible because I honestly thought I was doing okay at building a sort of "normality" for the kids and I felt they were happy, or at least coping. And now it turns out DD has been bottling all this up and I didn't even realise.
How can I be a better parent? 😕
AIBU?
I feel like a terrible mother
Jourdain11 · 12/06/2020 21:49
The fact you are posting here about your daughter and her feelings, whilst you are going through such a massive thing yourself makes you an amazing parent already x
Thank you, it's really sweet of you to respond... I know everyone is going through a lot.
I'm wary of approaching the school about the circle time thing, but she's clearly finding it a bit intense (she said, "why can't we just do our maths and reading and topic like normal?!") and I do wonder if other kids actually feel the same. I'm afraid that DH will go in like a bull in a china shop ("teacher to teacher") though! 
I think I remember your post at the start of lockdown when you were diagnosed
Please don't give yourself a hard time. Everyone is doing the best they can and quite frankly winging it for a lot of the time. And for most of us, that's without the additional strain of an ongoing medical condition. I think it would be reasonable for your DH to go to school though. A similar thing happened here- my DD7 is going back to school on Monday and they'd sent home a PowerPoint for them to watch explaining how lots of things were going to be different. It's actually really upset her and I think it would have been better for her just to go in and get on with it. Maybe in relation to anxiety in children, the best approach is for school to make it clear that it's normal to feel worried and they can talk to their teachers, but not to keep asking as this might make them feel like they SHOULD be worried or cause them to keep revisiting their worries. I feel really sorry for all our kids at the moment, it's just such a horrible time for them. Hope your poor DD is okay
You're already an amazing mum. Incredible in fact.
I think it's fine to speak to school. Just say what your DD said, you're not telling them what to do, just how shes feeling. I think they should know.
I hope your treatment is going well.
Thank you! I don't know if I'm being over sensitive about the circle time so it is helpful to see other perspectives. DH says at his school they said at the outset that the kids can come and talk if they have scary feelings, but they're not kind of pushing the idea that they ought to be having scary feelings by having a dedicated session for it each day 
DD is sharp and has cottoned onto the fact that the treatment had to be repeated an extra time. It's hard to tread the line between being open and not overwhelming her with too much info...
You sound like a great mum, your family is going through an awful lot.
I think you should speak to the school, your dd is already experiencing things beyond her control that are scaring her, school might be the only escape she has from the reality of your illness, she should be able to process and deal with that in her own way, not be forced to feel things other kids are feeling, especially if she doesn't have those same worries. It's a bit like projecting.
Really hope your treatment is going well.
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