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What just happened?(78 Posts)
Hi all... I'll get to the point.
Since lockdown rules eased and we were allowed to travel and enjoy outdoors with 6 people, I arranged a lovely day out with family, SD was obviously going to be observed once we reached our destination.
The plan was leave at a specific time, and arrive at the destination and explore together etc. It was a hiking activity. Lots of landscape to cover etc.
I started off the car not starting which meant I left a hour later than planned (bearing in mind as I had arranged this and been here before, I was meant to be 'leading' the way) Due to the late start, everyone set off without me and we decided to meet up at the location.
Eventually everyone arrived and it being a busy period it took an hour just to get into the car park. Once there, we discovered there was no mobile phone signal resulting in me and another friend being away from the group the whole time- separately.
I decided to plough on and make the best out of the day. Eventually we made contact but by then it was time to set bk off, home.
A whole week later, we got together in a garden of the homes of one friend. The conversation about the trip began and how I messed the whole arrangement up, how I 'deserted' some people. And how they felt it was something I caused etc. It all began as a joke but ended up in a horrible argument as I thought the others ganged up and were pointing out what went wrong and nothing was mentioned on how they enjoyed certain parts. And every piece of my advice was analysed and literally thrown bk in my face. For example, why did I suggest they ate after the walk and not take the food with them. It was a shambles. Sadly, I lost it slightly, got angry and stormed off.
Now, I'm being blamed for having anger issues, depression (news to me), playing the victim and running off. From my point of View I felt I was mobbed!!! Nothing short of a mobbing! After arranging the event (which was suggesting a day, time and place) I was put in the firing line for all the things that went wrong. Bearing in mind a few of them met up and did have a laugh.
Thank you for reading this long, but what are your opinions on this? Did I 'stitch' them up? Was I wrong to let them carry on and not wait till I sorted the car? And does storming off, slamming a door, using swear words when faced with intimidation equate to anger issues and victim playing. Bearing in mind I've never gotten this upset and reacted this way in years and years.
Let's hear it...
Was I wrong to let them carry on and not wait till I sorted the car?
Surely it wasn't a question of you 'letting them' - if they'd wanted to wait for you, they could have.
Storming off, slamming doors and using swear words is not the way to deal with any issues. However, it sounds like you were feeling upset and intimidated by the group.
It sounds like they felt let down by what happened on the day.
So, everyone is angry, everyone is upset, everyone is lashing out.
No winners here.
Doesn't sound like anyone did well here
Do you usually organise everything?
Your friends are dicks, and also you lost it. No-one has shown themselves well here.
My take - things got out of hands because people had been cooped up in lockdown. When arrangements didn't go entirely to plan they and you got upset.
Maybe you were wrong and made poor decisions but refuse to accept it and just went on the defensive?
Who knows but in such circumstances, it's better to apologise if they felt upset about it and say that next time you will organise it better as a group and leave it at that.
This sounds rather one sided. They obviously felt pissed off with you. If you were in their shoes why would that be?
I admit my mistakes totally, I don't usually use swear words but here I felt I used them as a form of defense. (Still no excuse) I never normally organise stuff, as we hardly do these things, hence all the issues.
But the accusations that followed are bothering me, anger management? Mental health? Playing the victim?
So if someone is cornered and taken the piss out of, joke or not and it continues for 15 minutes, the person blows up (not the best reaction) then we are ok to classify that person as someone who has issues?
Person obviously being me.
I agree, I should have stayed cooler and I am looking into how to be more assertive, but the conversation should never have gone into a blame game.
Btw I am recruiting new friends.
Possibly, as I always take the kids out, we are outdoors a lot (pre-lockdown) therefore I was the most confident about this trip and gave advice on things that I would normally do on a trip. But taking into account, if things go tits up, as adults we should be able to sort things out. They weren't underage kids that needed hand holding. I was in a situation beyond my control. Also I was blamed, as I had been there before, I should have told them that there wasn't a mobile signal available there. I mean, how does going to a place once make u an expert?
well it sounds like a badly organised day out all round. And people had presumably been looking forward to it, and feel let down. And as you'd been there before and been the one organising it, they blamed you.
But basically folks are sick of lockdown and feelings are running high. If it had happened a year ago, you might have all been able to laugh it off.
I was put in the firing line for all the things that went wrong.
What went wrong from their perspective? Other than you not being infront of them on the road? They’re adults and we’re capable of navigating for themselves and deciding when to eat. Did they need you there for that?
Piss take back is the normal approach.
Passive people often do nothing for ages then explode. This confuses everyone: person seems fine with their treatment for ages, maybe a little bit of grump but not a lot and then boom they go nuclear, wtf? Typically throwing in that everyone else really should have known that you were lying about how you feel and should have altered their behaviour accordingly.
So, yes, do assertiveness training so you shut it down properly at the start next time.
Smallsteps88 Looking back, my main mistake would have been encouraging them.to come, especially the reluctant ones. I bigged up the place, how beautiful it is and how peaceful. And after this lockdown we needed a change of scene etc.
Then come trip day and I have a car problem and unable to contact them when we arrived. I guess they saw me as an unofficial tour guide. But still, no excuse for blaming me. I had a shit start too, but managed to push on being positive for the sake of the kids and ppl around me.
Did you try to call them when your car didn't start or when you knew you'd be late getting into the location?
They sound insufferable. Like they’re angry you didn’t make everything perfect as if by magic.
Your car wouldn’t start. There was a queue. There was no internet. None of these things are your fault and I’m astonished at some of the reactions on here.
They ganged up and had a real go at you - they sound quite infantilised, frustrated that you didn’t adult the whole trip into exactly what they wanted.
I’m glad you stormed off.
They’re dickheads. None of my friends would be angry with me for my car not starting or no phone signal. They’d sympathise with me when they finally found me having done their best to find their own way round. They’d thank me for recommending the police and even if they had a shit day they’d tell me it was a lovely place and that we should come again another day when we could all travel together.
Are these adults or children? Because it sounds like they weren't able to fend for themselves.
Slashlover. Of course, they were updated as and when things happened, as soon as the signal went down we lost all contact.
Smallsteps88 Oh no sympathy on the fact that the car was playing up and having to tame the excited kids. I've never had anyone reccomend police haha!
yes the police would have been a slight overreaction!
Surely they had the option to wait for you?
All seems weird that they even are upset about it tbh.
You mentioned something about food, did they end up hiking for ages and hungry?
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