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(30 Posts)
NiknicK Fri 12-Jun-20 10:01:41

I AIBU to feel slightly frustrated that my Dsis can see our parents because she’s a single parent, when in reality she isn’t, but because I’m fortunate to have a DH and I can’t see them. My SiL has been a single parent for the last 16 years and has been so lonely on her own so I’m made up she can see DH’s parents, but also at the same time, gutted we can’t see them properly or hug them. My Dsis has an “ex” who is the DF to her kids and he spends half his time at her house and half his time at his house. So she’s not ok her own and isn’t lonely for that matter. She has plenty of friends that she has come round and sit in the garden and she is still working so gets to interact every day with people. I’m WFH with 2 kids one of whom is autistic, my dh is now working 12 hours a day as demand at his work has now doubled since relaxation of some restrictions, I’m feeling fed up, low some days, and friends of mine are either shielding due to medical conditions or have young kids/newborn babies so won’t risk coming to see me or other people at the minute. Yet the government automatically think it’s only single people who are lonely. My Dsis sent me a message with a stupid Gif picture thing basically bragging she can see our parents. AIBU to feel angry?

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NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 17:01:50

Just an update. Dsis sent pictures this afternoon of her and my nieces hugging our DP. Now don't get me wrong i'm happy that my nieces can hug their GP but was there any need for my dsis to send me pictures?

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vonny63 Sat 13-Jun-20 17:10:23

Its crap and the social bubbles were bound to make some people's lives easier and others harder.
I'm a single parent of an autistic 14 year old. I cant bubble up with my mum and siblings for support. They are a household of 4 and none of them (multiple visits to different households, beauty treatments, gatherings) have been following social distancing rules.

So the hope of a bit of rest bite and company is non existent as they have had multiple contacts outside the home.

Part of me is upset that they have all acted in there own interests and now I'm more isolated than when lockdown began!

Maybe just be happy for your sister and move on. You have DH for company and support.

ShinyMe Sat 13-Jun-20 17:15:17

I thought you were only supposed to bubble with a single person household, so one parent if they live alone?

TheFormerPorpentiaScamander Sat 13-Jun-20 17:17:08

I'm in a similar situation vonny

Single parent to 2 teens. Mum won't bubble with me because it's not fair on my (married) brother. (Shes actually been having his DC for sleepovers anyway)
Dad won't bubble with me because him and step-mum have bubbles with step sister. All the others in my family drive and/or live in walking distance of each other so have been having socially distanced meets in gardens anyway. My garden is too small for them to come to me and I cant get to them.
So I'm still alone. When I mentioned this to mum/brother I was told "you have teens. You don't know hard it is to be lockdown with little ones" sigh. No I don't
But I am shouldering all the mental load on my own. My teens are amazing. But they arent adults. sad

NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 17:17:55

Oh I don’t know but the way I read it was a single person or single parent with children under 18 can form a bubble with a second family regardless of the number of people in that second family.

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heartsonacake Sat 13-Jun-20 17:19:43

ShinyMe

I thought you were only supposed to bubble with a single person household, so one parent if they live alone?

It’s one household of any size and one household with a single person/parent.

afinetoothcomb Sat 13-Jun-20 17:19:50

ShinyMe

I thought you were only supposed to bubble with a single person household, so one parent if they live alone?

This is my understanding. If you are single or a single parent with children under 18 you are able to mix with another single person or single parent with a child under 18.

GracieLane Sat 13-Jun-20 17:21:44

She can't bubble them if she's Also in a bubble with ex/boyfriend

heartsonacake Sat 13-Jun-20 17:22:20

This is my understanding. If you are single or a single parent with children under 18 you are able to mix with another single person or single parent with a child under 18.

afinetoothcomb Your understanding is incorrect.

It’s one household of any size and one household of a single person/parent.

NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 17:22:51

I get that I’m fortunate to have some adult company when lots of people don’t. But when it comes to Dsis she has had a lot more adult company than me. I know that sounds ridiculous as my dh obviously lives with me, but she has friends round literally all day when she isn’t working, her “ex” is furloughed at present so he comes in and out of the house regularly, and she gets to interact with people at work, which at present I don’t as I’m wfh. To be honest though that’s all irrelevant I suppose as I’d have been able to feel a bit happy for her if she hadn’t sent the snide text message yesterday, followed by pictures of my DP hugging her today. It’s like she’s trying to stick the boot in and I find it rather nasty and childish if I’m being honest.

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Meredithgrey1 Sat 13-Jun-20 17:25:28

I see what you're saying about it being frustrating. But your situation isn't caused by the rules. If your sister is seeing her ex, she is in a bubble with him and therefore is breaking the rules by also seeing your parents.
Obviously the rules will leave people out (adults caring for someone over 18 for example), but in this case, your sister isn't following them anyway.

NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 17:26:08

Yes I thought the same @GracieLane but according to my Dsis her dc father is a separate thing as he shares the care of the dc. But he rarely has my nieces at his house it’s usually at my Dsis house.

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bubbleup Sat 13-Jun-20 17:26:09

Tell her.

She's breaking the rules and is increasing the risk to your parents and taunting you. She sounds a bit dim tbh

Elephantonascooter Sat 13-Jun-20 17:26:53

I'm not going to lie op, we struggled to see why single people can bubble with families however families can't bubble together. So we assessed the risks and went to see my parents today inside their house. I'm so glad we did. There comes a point where your mental wellbeing needs to be the priority.

GracieLane Sat 13-Jun-20 17:27:09

Sounds like she's breaking rules left right and centre then? So bubbles are not really relevant if she's disregarding the other rules

NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 17:27:36

She’s actually rather intelligent, well academically speaking, in that she has achieved a lot, (more than me) but she can be very childish and petty at times.

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Drivingdownthe101 Sat 13-Jun-20 17:28:11

Yet the government automatically think it’s only single people who are lonely

They don’t think that. They are gradually allowing more contact between households, and are starting with those who are most likely to be lonely.
They can’t say ‘single people/parents, or people who are married but their partner works a lot so they have no one to talk to’.
I get it. My DH has been in the study working basically 8-6 every day throughout lockdown while I’ve looked after 3 young kids including a toddler. He comes down, I work for an hour or two, then we go to bed. I’m lonely too. But I’m less likely to be lonely than someone who has lived on their own for the past 12 weeks.

Tearingmyhairout0110 Sat 13-Jun-20 17:28:33

I stopped paying attention to the rules once Cummings happened and made it clear it's ok to put our own families first. So have been routinely seeing my mum since.

NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 17:29:09

Oh I completely get it @Elephantonascooter. I’ve found it hard not seeing family. My dh you can tell is a bit gutted that he still can’t see his DP. He doesn’t show it mind but you can tell.

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ginsparkles Sat 13-Jun-20 17:30:12

You are absolutely not unreasonable to be annoyed. As the lockdown is slowly released not everything will work for you. We are really now at a point where you can access the risk. There is the exceptional cases for childcare etc, which I would suggest you fall into.

If your parents are open to it, just make the decision for yourself. Take sensible precautions. Your mental health is important too.

We do benefit from the social bubble and the difference it has made to my mums spirits has been amazing.

GracieLane Sat 13-Jun-20 17:30:26

I think they are gradually increasing the amount of interactions to see the effect it has on the spread. I think they will continue to relax social distancing measures going forwards, and only reduce them back down if the number of cases starts rising again

NiknicK Sat 13-Jun-20 17:33:07

Yeah I suppose it’s just a case of watching and waiting to see what happens. To be honest I’d been ok throughout most of lockdown, just had a few wobbly moments, but this last week or so I’ve found really hard.

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afinetoothcomb Sat 13-Jun-20 17:34:48

heartsonacake

*This is my understanding. If you are single or a single parent with children under 18 you are able to mix with another single person or single parent with a child under 18.*

afinetoothcomb Your understanding is incorrect.

It’s one household of any size and one household of a single person/parent.

@heartsonacake

I've taken this from the gov website ...

single adult households – in other words adults who live alone or with dependent children only – can form a ‘support bubble’ with one other household. All those in a support bubble will be able to spend time together inside each others’ homes, including overnight, without needing to stay 2 metres apart. We are making this change to support the loneliest and most isolated. It is a targeted intervention to provide extra support to some of those most impacted by the most difficult effects of the current social restrictions, while ensuring we continue to keep the rate of transmission down.

You must not:

form a support bubble with another household if neither you nor they are in a single adult household

Drivingdownthe101 Sat 13-Jun-20 17:36:21

*
form a support bubble with another household if neither you nor they are in a single adult household*

Yes, neither you nor they. It doesn’t have to be both.

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