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That his mum said she wasn't sure how he felt about me

(30 Posts)
JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 20:44:04

Hi,
Been with boyfriend a year. We're 23. We sat in a patio today as this is were we have our regular countdown.

He was saying how his brother is moving out with his girlfriend and his mum and him were speaking and the conversation turned to about me and him.

He then said that his mum said that she can see that I am totally in love with him but she's doesn't know about him.
He said he told his mum that he's completely in love with me and that it's probably because he doesnt express it 24/7 when he's at home.

But I don't know, took me back a bit haha

OP’s posts: |
recycledteenager24 Thu 11-Jun-20 20:47:36

(confused) you are both adults fgs. it's nothing to do with his mum whatsoever.

Trevsadick Thu 11-Jun-20 20:48:37

I am failing to see the problem?

Unless you actaully agree with her?

FizzyGreenWater Thu 11-Jun-20 20:48:39

Hahaha.

She can't 'see' anything. She's perhaps 'seeing' what she'd like to, if she's a tad clingy or a bit wannabe overinvolved in his life...

'Haha what an odd thing to say, it's not as if she knows me that well, bit of a personal comment on both of us isn't it!'

And just file that knowledge away somewhere useful and don't be too surprised if you've got a potentially passive-aggressive MIL situation developing! Good that your BF shut her up.

None of her business, is the short answer.

Sparklesocks Thu 11-Jun-20 20:49:05

I’d be a bit hmm about his motives for telling you that to be honest. Why bring it up at all if he didn’t believe it was an issue? It would surely only make you feel insecure. Makes me wonder if he was testing the waters to see if you felt the same.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 11-Jun-20 20:49:50

Why did he even tell you that?

She has known him his whole life, maybe she has seen him act differently with an ex or something.

Anyway he sounds like a shit stirrer.

Justmuddlingalong Thu 11-Jun-20 20:50:47

Suggest that her interfering might cause issues in the future and that you're going to have a think if that's what you want. He'll either back your relationship up to his DM, or he won't.

ImFree2doasiwant Thu 11-Jun-20 20:51:19

I'd also be wondering why he told you. There's nothing wrong with her expressing her thoughts to him (As long as it was done in a caring sort of way) but why on earth would he pass it onto you?

Trevsadick Thu 11-Jun-20 20:51:55

It's not interfering. She was having a private conversation with her son.

Is this not OK, once a child gets a GF/BF?

JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 20:54:44

Just realised I put countdown hahah, i meant catchup;

I like his mum but the way he was talking just made it sound weird and I was confused as to why his mum would get that impression like is my boyfriend saying something behind my back to her,
I don't know

OP’s posts: |
JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 20:55:44

Yeah I get it was a private conversation and from what I see my boyfriend adores me, so I was taken aback that she questioned his feelings for me

OP’s posts: |
Sparklesocks Thu 11-Jun-20 21:00:05

I think it’s extra difficult as you’re receiving this information second hand too. Yes, she may have maliciously been gossiping about your relationship and making assumptions about things she doesn’t know about.

But an alternative is that she’s noticed how you both interact and is concerned that your heart is more in it than his, and shared this with him because she doesn’t want you to be upset if that turns out to be the case?

Either way, again I’d be slightly confused as to why he felt the need to pass this on to you as surely no good could come from it.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 11-Jun-20 21:00:32

The fact he needlessly told you something that could be hurtful to you and make you question your relationship with both him, and her should be the thing that's taking you aback.

BackforGood Thu 11-Jun-20 21:01:04

Why would he relay a private conversation like that, to you ? confused

JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 21:03:49

I cant think of ways I interact differently to him that would make me appear more "in love".
I'm not the most tactile person and i"m not big on public affection so not all lovey dovey around people;
Which is why my brain is overthinking about where she's got this impression from

OP’s posts: |
Desertserges Thu 11-Jun-20 21:10:44

I’m quite fond of DH’s mother though she doesn’t like me much, but cannot imagine giving two seconds’ thought to her opinion on anything to do with my relationship with her son. Why is someone else’s vague ‘impression’, conveyed to you at second hand for reasons that are slightly baffling, more important than your own take on things?

Or are you suggesting that your boyfriend passed this on (or invented it) in order to signal covertly that he’s less invested than you?

JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 21:14:07

I'm just confused since I don't get this impression from him.
He always tell me he loves me, always wants to see me and buys me gifts so i'm probably just overthinking;
Apart from this comment I've felt totally secure with him so i dont get why i'm thinking about this so much;

I think it's because it's said by his mum so it made me wonder if anything was said behind my back,
I'd rather have just not known haha

OP’s posts: |
JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 21:18:02

He highlighted after it that all his family love me but I didnt ask hahah

OP’s posts: |
billy1966 Thu 11-Jun-20 21:19:51

OP,

I would get the Ick from a man telling me what his mummy thinks.

Weird.

Why would he tell you something ike that.
Not for any good reason, thats for sure.

Proceed with care.

He's either a mummy's boy or a game player.

Neither are attractive in a partner.

Desertserges Thu 11-Jun-20 21:50:56

HE says it was said by his mother. The question is not ‘Why did she say it?’, surely, but ‘Why did HE say she said it?’ What adult man reports the disparaging opinion of his mother on his feelings towards his girlfriend to said girlfriend? He’s either emotionally illiterate or letting you know he’s not that into you.

JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 21:56:08

Oh shoot, I feel so paranoid now blush

OP’s posts: |
Patch23042 Thu 11-Jun-20 21:56:15

I’d feel unsettled by this, OP. Not because his mum has concerns (although if she’s a sensible sort of woman, it would worry me a bit) but because he articulated her opinion to you. I’d wonder why.

PotholeParadise Thu 11-Jun-20 21:59:17

To be honest, I'd reconsider this relationship.

I imagine she told him that in confidence, and she trusted her son not to pass on what she'd said to you, as it would adversely affect your relationship. So he's been unfair to her.

Secondly, he's been unfair to you to repeat his mother's remarks.

Find someone who isn't a shitstirrer. There must be some around.

JustWantIt Thu 11-Jun-20 21:59:22

After I asked him he said it was because his brother was moving out and his mum wanted to know our plans.
We have discussed the future but we are saving for a mortgage before moving out so were thinking next year.
So he said that's why it came up

OP’s posts: |
Trevsadick Thu 11-Jun-20 22:11:55

The problem is, he has told you something that you feel odd about because you don't have the context of the conversation.

It could have been entirely initiated by him, asking her what she thinks of your plans or the relationship. He isnt going to tell you that.

He seems to trying to cause an issue. If my mum said this to me about dp, I would be thinking 'WTF?'. If my dad said it whilst we were having a conversation about my future, I would still be saying 'no thats wrong', but I would consider his words, then tell him he observation isnt accurate, if i believed it wasnt. Dad doesn't just say something. Its usually considered. Where mums mouth runs away with her and she doesn't observe things like my dad. Just their personalities.

If I had this converstation with my dad and he made comments Iike that, I wouldn't be offended. But I wouldn't share it with dp. It would only serve to make him insecure and start wondering, if my dad (who has known me my whole life) thinks that is there some truth in it. Because he wasnt there to witness the conversyation, tone, body language etc.

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