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To wonder if my dp should be willing.....

(107 Posts)
CagedBirdwithoutAKey Thu 11-Jun-20 13:29:38 look after my 3 dc a little more while I work from home (high-pressured job) - he doesn't work sad

It's mainly the kids constantly asking for food, drinks, arguing etc., and my head's literally battered with it all sad

I honestly don't know what to expect from a dp when the dc aren't his?

OP’s posts: |
Windyatthebeach Thu 11-Jun-20 13:33:28

Imo he should be contributing to the running of the house. If he isn't working and you are then he should be doing childcare. Regardless of dna.

CagedBirdwithoutAKey Thu 11-Jun-20 13:34:13

Ahh, sorry, I should've said, we don't live together

OP’s posts: |
MulberryPeony Thu 11-Jun-20 13:35:00

Have you asked him and he’s said no or are you miffed he hasn’t offered?

RedskyAtnight Thu 11-Jun-20 13:36:58

If you don't live together then he can't can he? Unless he breaks the law or looks after them in a socially distanced way in the park?

Are you going to join in the same bubble from next week? If you are, you could ask, but I think he'd be at liberty to say "no".

toobusytothink Thu 11-Jun-20 13:37:45

Hmm well they aren’t his kids and you don’t live together ... how long have you been together? Does he see your kids often? What about the kids’ dad?

MitziK Thu 11-Jun-20 13:39:03

So your unemployed boyfriend, who you don't live with, should be volunteering to look after your children? Presumably because he's there anyway and is just cluttering up the sofa gaming.

What purpose does he serve in your life, exactly?

CagedBirdwithoutAKey Thu 11-Jun-20 13:39:02

Not specifically now. I work from home generally, not because of COVID. When he does come round a few days he does help, but he knows I'm at breaking point and therefore a bit pissed he hasn't offered more sad

OP’s posts: |
Cadent Thu 11-Jun-20 13:39:31

Of course he should help otherwise you’re not really a family. Yes they’re not his kids but you come as a team.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Thu 11-Jun-20 13:41:41

If he doesn't live with you and they're not his kids then i don't think it's really fair on him for them to expect him to parent. You're either a family or you're not, i don't think you can have it both ways.

pinktaxi Thu 11-Jun-20 13:42:19

Can you be in that support bubble thing to enable him to help?

toobusytothink Thu 11-Jun-20 13:43:09

Surely normally though (without Covid) they are sorted with childcare or school? Or are you looking for free childcare? You didn’t say what role their dad plays in all this?

CagedBirdwithoutAKey Thu 11-Jun-20 13:43:18

@mitziK Very presumptuous aren't you? hmm He wouldn't know how to game, or even switch a console on, he has more intelligence than that!

And the other poster asking where the kids' dad is, he passed away 2 years ago

OP’s posts: |
Soubriquet Thu 11-Jun-20 13:43:35

Are they his children?

Why do you not live together?

Why can’t they go and spend a couple of days with their dad if they are his kids?

CagedBirdwithoutAKey Thu 11-Jun-20 13:44:35

@soubriquet Please read my other posts

OP’s posts: |
Soubriquet Thu 11-Jun-20 13:44:39

Didn’t see the part where you said the dc aren’t his. At the end of the day, they aren’t his responsibility to care for.

They are yours.

toobusytothink Thu 11-Jun-20 13:45:00

“Generally” you shouldn’t be working from home and looking after the kids so “generally” it shouldn’t be an issue ... or is it really only an issue now because no school/childcare?

Ponoka7 Thu 11-Jun-20 13:45:39

How old are your DC? Can you get tougher on them? Is he allowed to discipline them?

I think this points out if he considers himself a Boyfriend or a Partner.

CagedBirdwithoutAKey Thu 11-Jun-20 13:45:58

@toobusytothink why should I not be working from home?! hmm

OP’s posts: |
mrsm43s Thu 11-Jun-20 13:47:36

He doesn't live with you, and they're not his children. Totally not his responsibility.

If you can't work from home with them around, then you need to put them in childcare (current Covid situation excepted, obviously).

Avelosa Thu 11-Jun-20 13:48:41

Well you lost me at going down the usual MN route that someone must be stupid if they’re a gamer. Why does playing a console mean someone has no/low intelligence?hmm

SaladSeason Thu 11-Jun-20 13:48:56

I agree with @Soubriquet - they are your kids and your responsibility. If DP wants to help out then great, but I don't think you can expect him to.

Shoxfordian Thu 11-Jun-20 13:50:09

How long have you been together? He probably isn't thinking of himself as their stepfather but is this what you want?

TheFoz Thu 11-Jun-20 13:51:15

What would you do with the kids if you didn’t have dp? What do you do during school holiday time?

How long are you together?

IndecentFeminist Thu 11-Jun-20 13:52:20

How long have you been together? It'd be nice for a partner to help out, helping each other is a massive part of being in a relationship. Is he at your house anyway?

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