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Who is BU in this scenario please?

(54 Posts)
AmIReallyThough Wed 10-Jun-20 16:13:54

Ok I’m aware this is ludicrous but I feel I’m losing the plot and can’t see the word for the trees. Who’s out of order here?

Background: Just turned 14 yr old SS, SDad and Mum. Been together 8ish years and always been some tension between SD and SS, growing now in teenage years. I can’t see the woods for the trees but all I know is it’s making me deeply miserable.

Newish puppy. SS struggling with puppy biting toes etc and isn’t consistent with how to deal with it which can make it worse. Puppy is biting his toes. He says he was holding his foot up to get away from dog, SD says he was wriggling foot making dog think he was playing. SS getting worked up. Following plays out:

SD: put your foot down on the floor, we’ve told you not to do that. You’re wriggling it.
SS: I’m not!
SD: You are, you’re moving your foot around and he thinks you’re playing
SS: I’m not, I’m just doing this! (Holds foot up)
SD: (dog has let go now) You were! You were going like this! (Wiggles foot)
DD: I wasn’t!!! (Getting more irate)
SD: I’m not lying!! (Also getting more irate)
SS: Well yeah you are!!
SD: (Shouting now) How dare you call me a liar?! I am not lying! Don’t you call me a liar!
Mum: Stepdad! You need to get out! (He had to go back to work). We don’t even use that word ‘liar’. You’re the one who brought it up! He shots back-you need to speak to him! How dare he call me a liar!!!
SD: Goes up to SS, points his finger in his face and says: I don’t care what your mum says, don’t you DARE call me a liar!!! Storms out shouting at me that SS is out of order and how dare he! I tell him he’s out of order actually.

I told you...crazy! But one of very many similar heated I wrong? So fed up of it all

OP’s posts: |
JudithGrimes Wed 10-Jun-20 16:16:34


Merryoldgoat Wed 10-Jun-20 16:19:18

Step dad.

You refer to tension from early. You have no business bringing a step parent onto the scene with whom your child does not get on.

You will ruin your relationship with your son if you don’t deal with this properly now.

TheMandalorian Wed 10-Jun-20 16:22:44

I can see why your son does not like his step-dad. He sounds like a bell-end. Is he always like that?

CooperLooper Wed 10-Jun-20 16:40:47

Maybe it's just the way my brain works, but god I hate these Mumsnet abbreviations SD SS SD DH 🤯 these threads would make so much more sense to me if people used Step-Daughter etc

I'll take a stab in the dark and say 'SD' because other posters have said so and I'm being a sheep

ChicCroissant Wed 10-Jun-20 16:46:29

I thought you were talking about a stepson - but it's your son? Your partner is the step-parent but it's your son?

birthdaybelle Wed 10-Jun-20 16:48:10

I don't understand... so it's your son, and your partner, who is your son's stepdad?

FliesandPies Wed 10-Jun-20 16:50:53

Whoever's Son he is, your partner is in the wrong and is escalating the situation with childish behaviour.

hammeringinmyhead Wed 10-Jun-20 16:51:05

I have no idea if the stepson is your stepson or whether your partner/husband is his stepdad.

FudgeBrownie2019 Wed 10-Jun-20 16:51:54

Stepdad is a dick for needing to get into a teenagers face and wave his fingers as though exerting some kind of authority.

DH is DS14's stepdad and they get on one another's nerves from time to time. It's human nature. I don't intervene because they've got a pretty good balance, but I would no more tolerate DH getting into DS' face than I would DS getting into DH's face. It's ridiculous behaviour from a grown man.

If this is a frequent occurrence I'd say you and your partner need to sit down and work it out because whilst teenagers are dicks (and I know first hand what utter knobheads 14 year old boys can be) grown men don't get to behave like 14 year olds. Either your partner behaves like an adult and lets petty shit like toe-wriggling go, or he can't be in a relationship with someone who has a 14 year old.

hammeringinmyhead Wed 10-Jun-20 16:52:44

If it is your son and they do not get on (and never have) then I recommend you separate them by ending the relationship.

VettiyaIruken Wed 10-Jun-20 16:52:58

The adult is the one in the wrong.

Pieceofpurplesky Wed 10-Jun-20 16:53:09

Is he your stepson or your husbands?

Takingontheworld Wed 10-Jun-20 16:53:58

I am so saddened by the amount of posts like this.

You refer to longstanding tension.

Why do mothers continue to house their children with partners they clearly don't have positive relationships with?

Your poor son. sad

YgritteSnow Wed 10-Jun-20 16:54:02

I would not stay with a man who was such a toxic blamer. I never fail to be surprised by the amount of awful men there are on MN and the women that put up with them.

AryaStarkWolf Wed 10-Jun-20 16:57:06

Stupid argument but the point the SD is making makes no sense. If your son doesn't like the dog attacking his toes, why on Earth would he purposely do something that encourages him to do that?

MrsVeryTired Wed 10-Jun-20 17:01:59

StepDad in the wrong, absolutely, he needs to try to control his temper. Not acceptable.

Andwoooshtheyweregone Wed 10-Jun-20 17:03:03

Stepdad is an arsehole

FrankieDoyle Wed 10-Jun-20 17:05:17

Sounds like such a toxic and unpleasant atmosphere.

SD is in the wrong. He sounds like an immature playground bully.

Merryoldgoat Wed 10-Jun-20 17:07:31


I know. I find it utterly confounding.

Quartz2208 Wed 10-Jun-20 17:08:19

Your miserable and your son is miserable and it is all down to your partner

Its not hard to see the solution

zscaler Wed 10-Jun-20 17:11:17

Step dad sounds like an aggressive, scary, rude bellend. I wouldn’t have him around ruining that poor kid’s life any longer.

DrManhattan Wed 10-Jun-20 17:11:52

Sounds very confusing. I have no idea who is who but well done for bringing a puppy into it.

Chloemol Wed 10-Jun-20 17:14:24

Stepdad, and why on Earth are you with him?

LovingLola Wed 10-Jun-20 17:20:31

I never fail to be surprised by the amount of awful men there are on MN and the women that put up with them.

For some women, any man - no matter how awful- is better than no man. The collateral damage caused to children is not recognised or appreciated.

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