Hen Party in July

[ConfusedLlama]

A good friend of mine is getting married, if everything goes to plan, will be getting married in September.

Her sister has ben planning her hen do since the beginning of this year, it's due to take place in about a month. It's quite expensive (about 400-500 for all the activities) but I wanted to be there and celebrate with my friend.

Since then lots has happened, you know the global pandemic and everything. I was forced to take a pay cut, I've had to postpone my own wedding (in August) as key people are shielding and financially it's a lot to spend out on in uncertain times.

The sister has texted this morning to say it's all still going ahead but I'm just not comfortable sharing a house with 8 people who I don't really know very well (with the exception of my friend) who are all from different households. Not to mention the financial implication of paying out for the accommodation and activities.

Everybody, and I mean everybody, else in the group chat all seem to be really happy it's going ahead. Talking about car sharing and who will be sharing a room and I feel like I'm the only one worried about the social distancing aspect. I suffer from asthma, it's mild but it's still a worry for me. I don't know how to reply to any of the messages because I'm worried that I'm the only one who's thinking this and I'll be the party pooper.

AIBU to think that this hen do going ahead is completely nuts given the current circumstances? I have no idea what to say to them or how to tackle the situation (I was pretty social inept before lockdown, I'm now a social disaster)

[aquamarine1]

I don't think it's nuts for the people that are up for it but if you're not comfortable then ynbu to stay away.

[ConfusedLlama]

I agree that if they are comfortable with sharing a space then that's their decision/opinion but currently the government guidelines are 6 people, outdoors, 2m apart. I honestly can't see the rules changing to a "free for all" anytime in the next month?

[Mamamia456]

Is that £400-£500 each? What are the activities?

[MsChatterbox]

I would message the organiser privately saying you have some health issues that make you vulnerable and will be unable to attend unfortunately.

[ChangetheName23]

@Mamamia456 Yes- the house rented was a fair chunk of that. There's some sporting activities, a chef and butler and some other planned things. It was expensive at the beginning of the year and now I'm struggling to justify it but I've already committed and paid a deposit.

It's more the sharing a house with multiple people from different households.

[user1487194234]

Will the others have to make up your share of the costs ?

[Ploppymoodypants]

I don’t think you are unreasonable. There is no way on earth I would be attending that event, given the current climate.
Is the house share even available. I didn’t think we were allowed to stay away from home yet anyway?

[sunrainwind]

I think you'll have to pay your share of the cottage but I'd be really surprised if this goes ahead and YANBU to not want to go.

[LagunaBubbles]

I don't see how this can possibly go ahead under the current guidelines at all, but obviously things can change. Will you have to pay balance if you decide not to go?

[HappyMealWithLegs]

I didn’t think we were allowed to stay away from home yet anyway

^^ This. Has the advice changed? I didn't think you could stay away overnight?

[ConfusedLlama]

I'm not really sure whether I'd have to pay my share if I don't go. I can't see how I would be comfortable going either, It's against the guidelines, it's a risk to myself and my family. I value my health and my families health over the money, so if I have to pay I will.

[tanstaafl]

Can you trust that if any of these super keen attendees gets a little cough, maybe a slight temperature the day before the Hen they’ll do the right thing and drop out?

Suspect when you get there all the activities are cancelled anyway.

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Stand by how you feel
If you don’t feel safe attending
If you can’t afford it
Both valid reasons

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

When was this originally planned/ have they committed to the cost? Have you paid a deposit? I imagine you may have to pay towards the accommodation but not the activities

[vanillandhoney]

I believe hotels can start to re-open on July 4th so I assume this might also apply to holiday lets etc. All our local hotels are posting that they re-open then, and I have clients who work in that industry who have just come off furlough so I suspect that's the plan unless cases rise dramatically again.

But you're not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable about it.

[AriettyHomily]

I have literally just cancelled my friends on the second week in July. They have also postponed their September wedding. Having a socially distanced hen do would be crap. I very much doubt it will go ahead?

[TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum]

Sorry - this absolutely should bot be going ahead according to the current guidance / law - I'm surprised the cottage owners are allowing you to stay there.
We've cancelled a similar planned weekend extended family at the beginning of July and the cottage company happily allowed us to move the booking (currently to November).

We are never going to get a handle on this virus if people keep thinking the rules don't apply to them - especially now the first peak does seem to be subsiding.
The governmen'ts messaging has been disgracefully vague lately but last time I checked the "lockdown" was still in effect albeit with some very specific loosening as per PPs.

[ConfusedLlama]

I think I will privately message the sister and let her know I won't be going due to health and then message the bride to let her know as well and that it's nothing against her and I would have loved to celebrate with her in different circumstances. I'm not quite sure how to put it I really don't want to offend anyone and I know organising a hen do is a pain in the arse let alone in lockdown!

[StrawberryJam200]

You might also like to ask whether they've double checked that everything they planned to do is still going to be available, how SD restrictions for companies will affect the activities, etc....
Ya but

[ThisShitCrazy]

Just be honest OP, you are classed as vulnerable and we are STILL in the middle of a pandemic. If she's any kind of friend she will understand

[Pinkdelight3]

Good call. Just be clear and communicate your very valid reasons. You're gutted as you'd have loved to still go, but your health concerns and pay cut means it's impossible. Saying you've also had to cancel your own wedding gives very good context. Wish them a brilliant time and send your love.

[Mamamia456]

OP - I would be very surprised if this all went ahead. I presume it's staying in a house for a weekend? With a chef and butler there as well? They might not want to do that. At the moment the government guidelines are still to stay home as much as possible and to only socialise outside keeping 2m apart. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this. Like others have said you are vulnerable and need to think of your health plus £400-500 is a lot of money.

[HoneyBee03]

I'm surprised it's still going ahead. Right now it's actually a crime to have a gathering of 2 or more people from different households indoors, and that legislation was only put in place recently. I can't imagine it wouldn't apply in this case. I wonder if the company or person you're booking the place through has to check if you're all from the same household?

[Apple1029]

I wouldnt go. Dont feel like you need to justify yourself wrt your health. If they want to take a chance with theirs then that's fine.

[vanillandhoney]

Everyone saying it won't go ahead/it's illegal - hotels are re-opening from July 4th so there's every chance that holiday cottages will be able to open then as well.