To feel constantly on edge in my own garden

[mumofnoisykids1]

Since lockdown began and my kids have been off of school and pre school we have been spending lots of time in our garden thanks to the lovely weather. However, we live in a new build estate and on a row of 4 houses. We are on one end so only have neighbours on one side. The other 3 houses are all family's as well with kids of similar and older ages to mine (2 & 5)

My boys are so loud in the garden playing games with each other and on their climbing frame. If they start to argue I will take them inside as I know no one wants to listen to kids argue but that is rare. They are just running around shouting at each other as part of their games.

Recently I've noticed that my neighbours and the next door but 1 will go back into their houses and close the garden doors within 5 minutes of me letting my kids outside. Say after lunch or in the morning.

I'm starting to feel on edge in my garden and telling the kids to keep the noise down; taking them inside if they start playing too loudly. It could be a complete coincidence that they choose to go inside at that time but it doesn't feel like it.

So AIBU to feel on edge and tell the kids to be quiet or should I just ignore it and let my kids play how they want to

[UserFriendly14]

Definitely ignore it. If they want to be passive aggressive, that says more about them. Children need some slack cutting during the lockdown with lack of schools and other social settings. The last thing they’d need, I’m sure, is to have their garden privileges taken away because of someone else’s [possible] problem.

[Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear]

I think you do need to do your best to encourage them to be quieter. Children playing outside is a lovely sound but you admit yourself that they are 'so loud'. We let DS chatter away and sing and things in the garden (he is 4) but if he starts shouting we tell him to be quieter.

[Starcup]

I often feel that out neighbours on one side do this too. As soon as my two go out next door seek to disappear. I don’t really care to be honest.

They have kids albeit older so I’m sure they’d kids weren’t silent

[Mintjulia]

Yabu. Children make noise when they play. It’s normal and healthy. Yes, take them inside if they are arguing, and make sure the noise ends by maybe 7pm, but it is your garden. You have the right to enjoy it.

The neighbours may have moved inside for totally unrelated reasons but even if they didn’t, that’s their problem, not yours.

Don’t let them spoil it for you x

[Wewearpinkonwednesdays]

Well if you know yourself they are "so loud" then yes, you should control them more and tell them to keep it down. I also have 2 boys and I'm a childminder but I wouldn't allow any of the children to go out and shout and scream at each other, lockdown or not.

[superram]

I’d much rather hear children playing than music so I’m sure they are fine. I tell mine if they are too loud then they have to come in.

[WorraLiberty]

I think you're doing the right thing telling them to keep the noise down.

It's not like they have to whisper or anything - just learn to have some regard for other people. They're only little now but if you keep it up, they'll learn eventually.

They'll have to learn when they go to school, that enjoying themselves and running around doesn't automatically equal being as loud as they want.

[FOJN]

If it's an issue they need to take responsibility and say so, perhaps they haven't because they understand and accept children playing can be noisy but they prefer not to hear it at full volume so take themselves indoors.

I wouldn't second guess their motives, if they've gone indoors and are quietly seething then that really is their problem.

[Mikethenight2good]

You have my every sympathy. My kids are loud...I swear my ears are ringing by the end of the day..I only bring them in when they are fighting.

I agree with previous poster. Cut them some slack particularly in lockdown.

Now go chuck them outside and enjoy a cup of tea in peace

[BillysMyBunny]

Some people can’t relax in their gardens if there’s a lot of noise or chatter (whether from children or adults) going on in neighbouring houses. Personally I’m not keen on sitting outside if there’s noise going on around me, even if the noise is perfectly reasonable and not at a high volume. If I’m trying to read for example I just find I cannot concentrate. It’s likely I would decide to go inside if I was sat out in the quiet and neighbours who were chattering came out to their garden as I like peace and quiet. That doesn’t mean I think it’s unreasonable for anybody to be anything but silent in their gardens, just that I’d often rather go and do something indoors to avoid it.

If your sons are not shouting/ screaming and you’re out there with them to help them learn to control their volume then YANBU and you don’t need to feel guilty, but your neighbours are also reasonable to take your kids coming out as their cue to go and do something else indoors.

[MereDintofPandiculation]

If they want to be passive aggressive Seriously? That's not passive aggressive, that's saying "I accept my neighbours' children's right to play in their garden but I do not enjoy the noise so I will go inside". Just as I work at the opposite end of the garden from my neighbour's children.

[cstaff]

If they choose to go inside that is their choice. They haven't complained about your kids as they know that this would be unreasonable. None of this is your problem so let your kids enjoy the garden.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

If they want to be passive aggressive, that says more about them

Why is it passive-aggressive? Maybe they just don't like the fucking noise. What are they supposed to do? Stay outside so the OP feels 'comfortable in her own garden' even if they are not comfortable in theirs and would prefer to be inside away from the noise?

[blue25]

Children playing outside is not a lovely sound to everyone. What a strange thing to write.

They’re obviously being loud & annoying, so tell them to play quietly. Children don’t need to shout, scream etc.

[Bluntness100]

I think there is a balance to be had. Normal noises of kids playing is fine and should be allowed to continue, but if it’s constant shouting at the top of their lungs and screaming then I don’t see this as any different to an adult doing it. And it’s a good lesson to teach your child about normal levels of acceptable noise and respect for others. They will be expected to do it as adults.

[letmethinkaboutitfornow]

@Wewearpinkonwednesdays

Well if you know yourself they are "so loud" then yes, you should control them more and tell them to keep it down. I also have 2 boys and I'm a childminder but I wouldn't allow any of the children to go out and shout and scream at each other, lockdown or not.

This OP!
You should ensure they are not screaming and shouting all the time when they are out.
It’s called being considerate!

[nicky7654]

My next door neighbours Grandchild who is 3 i/2 screams constantly. It is so high pitched it makes me cringe! It is constant and not one of them tell him to stop! Laughing and giggling is lovely to hear but not constant screaming. Definitely not acceptable.

[plunkplunkfizz]

If my neighbours have people over or are having some family time in the garden, I often go in to give them some privacy and so they don’t feel self conscious about making noise. It’s not in any way passive aggressive, rather it’s polite and considerate. Maybe your neighbours are the same.

However, if even you think your children are “so loud” maybe they’ve just had enough.

If they are climbing then maybe the neighbours feel overlooked.

[Homemadeandfromscratch]

YAB massively U to let your kids being "loud" and "shouting", is that even for real?

Kids can perfectly play outside and have fun without screaming/shouting/screeching and being a general nuisance. Your job to teach them how to.

Your poor neighbours haven't even complained, are missing out on their own garden and YOU are the cone complaining about them? Seriously?

You sound like the neighbour from hell. I live in a very family-orientated neighbourhood, there are kids in pretty much every garden, trampolines, paddling pools, footballs you name it. Kids are not dead silent, but they are not screaming either.

Other children are allowed to play in their own garden without the noise from yours.

[BlankTimes]

@Mikethenight2good My kids are loud...I swear my ears are ringing by the end of the day

Please teach them about the impact their noise has in different areas. Indoors, in the garden, in the park, in different social situations.

How will they ever learn appropriate behaviour if you don't teach them how to be aware of their actions and of the effect their actions have on other people.

[BogRollBOGOF]

Everyone knows that children must be locked silently in their bedrooms until they go back to school in 2025 so as not to inconsiderately disturb anyone within a 5 mile radius during these troubled times

Children need to play outside, more than ever. You are managing their behaviour. Neighbours are looking after themselves without complaint.

I'm more likely to go in because of the young adult neighbours playing Radio1 than the sound of children on the other side.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Well, there's noise and there's noise.

Screaming in particular is painful to a lot of people's ears and stressful to endure. Really loud, persistent shouting can be unpleasant, intrusive and impossible to relax around too.

Do the other family's children make similar amounts of noise? If not, it could just be that they have naturally quieter children. It could also be that they've taught them to keep their voices down a bit. Can't you try that?

I think running around playing at top volume is more of an activity for a large park than a small garden. Though, in present circumstances, with so much more time at home, everyone will be more understanding (but trying to preserve their own sanity at home, at the same time).

So, YANBU for letting them let off steam loudly in the garden some of the time. You WBU to let them do it hour after hour. You should be trying to teach them to keep it down, out of consideraton for others. But we all know that trying your best and succeeding are not the same thing and that this sort of training can be long and seem fruitless, before the penny suddenly drops.

YABU to be taking your neighbours' behaviour so personally. They are not doing anything inconsiderate towards you. If their reaction causes you to reflect and recognise that you are doing something inconsiderate towards them, then, so it is. You're in a position to address that.

[Itwasntme1]

I love hearing the neighbourhood children playing in the garden. I live alone and lockdown is lonely. This helps.

Hate hearing heir parents though, swearing and playing loud music.

[Homemadeandfromscratch]

Children need to play outside, more than ever. You are managing their behaviour.

how is letting the children being so loud and shouting managing their behaviour exactly?

[Bluntness100]

Everyone knows that children must be locked silently in their bedrooms

Oh cmon now. You know full well there is a mid ground between being “so loud” and silent.