To ask how not to be depressed

[Mamadoll]

When it's all you've ever known? There are very few days since I was 12yo (probably earlier) where I haven't been depressed. I've reached a place in the last few years where I feel nothing, not happy, not sad, just complete apathy. I know in my head that this isn't right but don't know where to even start trying to make things 'normal', I'm not even sure what normal is. I've tried the usual advice of eating healthy and exercise, trying new hobbies/classes so I don't feel so isolated (I have not a single friend and it's been that way since throughout school. I have no family who are interested either, I'm invisible I think. I know it's me :/ ) I went to the doctor maybe 5 year ago and was handed pills, but they did nothing other than make me ill. I'm not sure what's left to try, maybe this is all I'm meant to have.

[Shoxfordian]

Go back to the doctor and say the pills before didn't agree with you, see if you can be referred for counselling or pay to go privately if you can afford it. There is help out there so don't give up on getting it. Call the samaritans if you need someone to talk to

[steff13]

There are a lot of different options as far as antidepressants. Sometimes you have to try a few to find one that works for you. I'm good with Zoloft personally.

[Colabottles64]

I’m so sorry you feel this way, it sounds really hard. You DO deserve to feel happy and have friends, to be loved and to feel belonging and a part of the world. You can feel better, even though it seems impossible to know how - I know how exhausting it felt for me when I was depressed and it went on for a long time for me after I was bullied in school. I felt numb, worthless and unworthy of love and it hurt like a dull pain from a heavy weight crushing me for several years. Talking therapy, CBT sessions face to face specifically, was the game changer for me, helping to find new perspectives on situations and get out of the very ingrained thoughts patterns I had about myself. Bit by bit the depression lifted over time and I could feel joy and pleasure in simple things. I felt so different about myself after it. I hope it could be the same for you OP, you deserve to be happy, to be able to feel, to value yourself and to be free of this depression.

[LittleMissRedHat]

I also suggest going back to the doctor and trying a different medication. It may seem that they are all "just pills" but goodness, the difference the right one makes! I was on a couple of different ones that just made me feel as though I wasn't really "there", if you know what I mean, I didn't feel depressed anymore, but that's because I didn't feel anything. It felt like my head was just stuffed with cotton wool.

Then I went on to Citalopram. Bloomin' great stuff (for me)! Slowly but surely I began to feel like ME again. I started to feel like there was light at the end of the tunnel. I wanted to go for a walk, I wanted to do things.

Please, please, persevere, try whatever the doctor recommends for a while (it can take some time to kick in and the side effects to dissipate) but, if you still don't feel any improvement, don't be disheartened, try another, then another. There IS one out there that will help.

Also, do persevere with the exercise and healthy eating (and some treats!), the benefits of that will also build up over time. And if you can, do get some help, CBT, or some kind of talking therapy / counselling.

You are worth the effort. Don't ever forget that!

[vampirethriller]

Try different medication. I tried four before getting the right one. It's made the difference between wanting to be dead and feeling like a human being again. (Sertraline)

[EmpressLangClegInChair]

A combination of Citalopram & CBT did it for me, although not until I was on the right dose of citalopram. I’ve been off it for a few years now but if I thought I needed it again I’d go back on in a heartbeat.

[JustC]

Antidepressants are a bit of a try and error, you have to find the right ones and get at the right dossage. They can make you feel worse for a while, while you hormones balance out, so you have to take each one gir a few weeks and monitor yourself. Pls ring your GP , and pls be completly honset when describing your feelings/symptoms, as any little thing can make a difference in what you are prescribed.

[Nottherealslimshady]

I feel the same. I have managed to push myself past the unfeelingness but my emotions were all over the place! Dont even know how I did it tbh, they might have just burst out when I stopped self harming (because I didn't want anyone to see)
I'm hoping councelling will be the cure. I dont want to take antidepressants, feels like taking pain killers for a long term headache and ignoring the tumour that's causing it.
Try councelling, it's worth a try.

[TheClitterati]

Are you on hormonal contraceptives? It took me years to realise that the depression I had nearly all my adult life was mostly driven by hormonal contraceptives- it's not uncommon. I would have described myself as you describe yourself. Doctors told me no it won't be that but it was. Docs never even raised the possibility it might be caused by contraceptives despite there being much evidence for it.

[TheClitterati]

There is also a high correlation between going on pill And not long afterwards been prescribed antidepressants.

[Wolfiefan]

@Nottherealslimshady it’s not quite like that. I have asthma and take a daily inhaler to prevent attacks.
I have depression and anxiety and take a daily antidepressant.
It took me a while to find the right one at the right dose though. Plus I’ve had CBT which really helped.
You can feel better.

[Nottherealslimshady]

@wolfiefan hmm I do like that analogy. I just can't get past mine, I worry that if they make me worse or "turn me off" I wont be able to stop it.
I'm glad it's worked for you though.

[Wolfiefan]

I won’t lie. One did make me like a zombie and one made me so sleepy I only ever took it once! One also upset my stomach.
I’m now on fluoxetine and can’t imagine ever stopping taking it. I’m me. But a version of me who can cope with all life throws at me. I can laugh with the kids and have the energy to get stuff done.
Good luck Not real.

[Mamadoll]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I really do appreciate it.

I'm not on any contraceptive/ hormonal pills so I'm sure it isn't that.

I'm going to try and call the doctor later. It's going to be a frustrating call, I struggle with hearing loss/speech issues, the surgery can't be contacted any other way and are only offering phone consultations. I'll see how that goes :/

I don't even know what to say to the doctor. It's been this way for so long that I don't know what I'm trying to achieve by asking. I don't have anything to measure how bad things are because there is nothing good to compare with, if that makes sense. If I'm offered medication again I will give it another try, but I struggle with my thought process and wondering if a pill could really change the misery of a lifetime. It's the same with talking, I hate talking. I could go months without saying a word to anyone, if I could never say another word to anyone I wouldn't. The thought of being in a room with a therapist fills me with dread. I hate talking about myself as I have nothing good to say and I've been shut down emotionally for so long that most of the time my thoughts are blank. It's all really frustrating. I know I can't live like this for another 30+ years but that I need to be the one to initiate it, I just don't know where to start.

[Wolfiefan]

If I’m completely honest I’ve probably suffered with depression and anxiety since I was a child. I didn’t realise. It was my normal.
I had CBT which isn’t about talking about you but about actions. And I didn’t have to be in a room with a therapist. I was also offered online support (but I’m crap with tech!!)