A bit confused about what to think.

[user1471546851]

Posting here for traffic as not really an aibu.
I'm a mum of 3 and with my first 2 dc I had natural quick spontaneous labour's. They were both between 37-39 weeks born.
I did have a 4th degree tear on dc1 which wasnt great but cope able I am "high risk" as I have a blood condition and also have had strep b present at the end of all pregnancies so during labour I'm hooked up to drips and monitors but all fine what ever is best for baby's I'm happy with.
Im really not a drama queen I get on with things am really laid back I've got a really high pain threshold (just want you to get a picture). I only had gas and air during labour's and coped really well.

Now my 3rd dc3 (4 months old) is the one I'm really struggling to get my head around.
I havnt talked to anyone in rl about this because I don't know if I'm over reacting / over thinking things.
Pregnancy was fine midwife was abit rubbish but I had scans every month from 12 weeks and then fortnightly from 32 weeks (due to blood condition) I was consultant led so well looked after so wasn't bothered about midwife being crap!.
About a day or 2 after my 34 weeks scan I started loosing abit of the mucus plug and was feeling really damp down below so I called my widwife but with no answer so I left a message with her. A few hours later I had a TEXT!! Reply saying that it's all normal for 3rd time mums and the dampness was obviously pee and to put a pad on and get on with it basically! That was with no phonecall no examination no other contact atal.
I stupidly accepted what she said and got on with it.
Then at my 36 week scan (35+5) the lady called someone else in for a look and asked me if I'd been leaking as there was barely any waters left around baby. I told her what had happend and she assured me that I would be fine and to sit in waiting room for my consultant.
When I got called in he told me he'd made arrangements for me to be induced first thing tomorow morning and to go home and get ready and to get my husband home (he works away). Due to the strep b I had to start oral antibiotics immediately and go on iv antibiotics the next day.
All a massive furious scary shock.
Next day I go to Hospital it was absolutely rammed full and dh had to leave I had a sweep and the pessary inserted all fine.

24 hours and still nothing happening.
So the consultant comes around to tell me I need to go on the drip so I'd be moved to a labour room to call dh to come back.
I start the drip and 10hours into the drip and I'm now on the highest dosage still nothing is happening i am having contractions painful ones I'm using gas and air but only dilated to 3 "at a push"
Consultant keeps coming around to say I have bla bla hours and if nothing I'm going to theatre.
I'm strapped to the bed on 2 drips one of antibiotics one of the labour inducer I have monitors on and they won't even allow me to get up to use the toilet I have to use a bed pan!
But still I just get on with it.
At this point the midwife just sits back at her desk in the corner on her phone probably assuming I'm going to have a c section.
I end up begging to be aloud to bounce on the ball and walk around the room to try and help things move along myself which they finally agree to.
hours later still nothing.
Then the midwife has a "BRAINWAVE" and asks the consultant to check for hidden waters which he does and believed the baby's head had blocked the hole and the waters are behind the baby.
They then ask my dh to leave the room (why?)
The consultant Very large man tries to move the baby internally to pull at the waters/sack.
It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life
I cried and begged him to please stop during this the midwife pinned my shoulder down and wedges my leg open with her body shouting at me to just suck the gas without taking a breath. It took about 10 minutes and then I felt the waters trickle out and the consultant left and told my dh he could go back in.
I then pushed dc out within 10 minutes when the midwife had her back to me with such Forse dh had to put his hand out to stop her flying off the bed.
I felt like I had no control over my labour or my body and I have really struggled thinking about it and it's destroyed my sex drive. Am I over reacting? Was this just a normal thing to happen during labour? I really don't know what to think.
Thank you for reading my rambling and for any opinions (please be gentle with me)

[nanbread]

I'm sorry to read this, that sounds horrible and distressing for you. You're not overreacting and your feelings are valid.

Contact your hospital and ask if they have a birth debriefing service. That may be a good place to start. Where I live there are lots of other options, maybe Google post birth trauma and see what comes up.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Hey, I've no experience of the hidden waters thing but that last part esp sounds very brutal.
I'd assume they got DH to leave because they know it hurts and the DH getting in the way and trying to interfere doesn't help. However there's obviously as issue in that your consent wasn't asked for or given and it doesn't sound like it was an emergency to the point where they just had to take action.

Can you ask for a birth debrief? Presumably they can do this over the phone, it would give you a chance to talk through what happened?
Re the sex drive, I would speak to the GP about counselling to unpick that.

I'm sorry you had that experience x

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I’ve had 4 kids and it sounds pretty scary to me. I’d say you need some sort of debrief to talk to a qualified person about what happened to you. Maybe your GP could sort something out?

[user1471546851]

thank you everyone for youre replies and making my feelings valid and not just a hormonal overreaction.
With covid19 I Havnt wanted to make a fuss bothering the hospital or the gp.
But I agree I need to talk this through with someone "in the know".
I have an absolutely lovely health visitor who I would feel comfortable with talking about this to so I will give her a call.
Thank you again x

[Pipandmum]

Obviously not normal. I'd register a complaint.

[Di11y]

they absolutely shouldn't have continued when you were in that much distress and it doesn't sound like they got your permission. and should have asked your permission for DH to leave, he was your advocate.

[LouiseTrees]

It doesn’t sound good and I would put in a complaint. The impact on your sex drive is also perfectly natural because you’ve clearly endured a traumatic experience in that region. I hope you don’t blame your husband for leaving when asked though as it sounds like the hospital is the issue not him. At 4 months old there’s no rush to resume sex but I again suggest counselling as I’m sure the last thing you want to do is for this to affect the relationship between yourself and your husband permanently. Hopefully he is understanding and perhaps he could attend counselling with you?