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I've been accused of being a racist

(315 Posts)
Excitedannie Tue 09-Jun-20 23:53:01

So it happened in a big supermarket earlier. 2 women walked past me with about 6 children - I tutted as none of them moved to the side and were so very close to me - well under one metre. One of the women turned around and said "what's youre problem"? And I explained the social distancing etc and that they should have moved to the side. They started literally screaming at me that I was a racist cow, and their small children joined in and also called me a horrible old cow with grey hair! (I'm not by the way...). Everyone was looking and the children were just shouting"racist" and laughing at me - it was bloody awful to be honest and I felt so scared that I was too worried to leave the shop and wandered around until I knew they'd gone.

I felt so ashamed - and scared. I came home and burst out crying, but now I feel furious. Not sure why I'm posting this but I wanted to tell someone but I'm too ashamed to IRL

OP’s posts: |
broccoliduns Wed 10-Jun-20 00:02:02

Well, you weren't racist, and they were very, very wrong to call you racist. But I freaking HATE tutting so much.

Noti23 Wed 10-Jun-20 00:04:16

That’s absolutely appalling. It’s so undermining to those trying to highlight genuine racism and incredibly unfair to you too.

Excitedannie Wed 10-Jun-20 00:04:54

Yeah I know - to be honest, I can't actually remember whether I tutted whether I sighed - I'm just so sick of people just disregarding social distancing. I seem to always be asking people to move slightly - I'm beginning to think it's just me!

I guess I'll just shut up and try and keep my distance myself

OP’s posts: |
steff13 Wed 10-Jun-20 00:05:02

What do you mean none of them moved to the side - did they stand next to you, or just walk past?

SandyY2K Wed 10-Jun-20 00:07:05

The tutting probably didn't help you.

I've been in a queue and someone was getting too close... I asked if she could please move back due to social distancing.

broccoliduns Wed 10-Jun-20 00:07:35

@Excitedannie tensions are high at the moment. I would try and let it go. Honestly, it must be really hard to be called a racist when you aren't, but it's done now and you'll (hopefully) never seen this person again. They were probably pissed off that you tutted rather than politely asking them to move, and may have genuinely thought you were being racist. This could be due to their own experiences. I'm not saying it was right, at all, but I would try and move on. Sorry this happened.

Excitedannie Wed 10-Jun-20 00:07:54

It was down an aisle, and I moved right to one side as I was looking at something but the my walked past still next to each other rather than one behind to try and give us all a bit of space. The children just came bundling along like children do - although I do think a couple of them were old enough to know better. I always tell my children to move to one side

OP’s posts: |
broccoliduns Wed 10-Jun-20 00:10:40

Honestly @Excitedannie they probably just forgot. Annoying but it happens. There's always going to be some level of risk re going to the supermarket. Unless you are willing to politely remind someone about social distancing, I think you need to come to terms with that risk and maybe try not to display passive aggression.

Excitedannie Wed 10-Jun-20 00:10:54

Thanks for the comments. I have felt absolutely shi*t all evening. I think I will just keep my mouth shut - even asking people politely to move seems to be met with aggression more often than not!

OP’s posts: |
Squirrel134 Wed 10-Jun-20 00:20:04

Sorry, you had a bad day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

Maybe, you shouldn't have tutted, but clearly you felt anxious. But, you can never predict other people are going to be reasonable; and people are on edge at the moment. It does not excuse their 'shitty' behaviour and abuse.
Try not to take it to heart. flowers

missyoumuch Wed 10-Jun-20 00:25:40

How old were the children? I would be angry if you tutted at mine if they were young. How capable do you expect children to be of social distancing, many adults aren’t even managing it. Why not just say excuse me? Tutting or sighing is passive aggressive and rude.

Can’t say if you were being racist or not. Wondering if you made some assumptions or your reaction was influenced by their heritage.

SpillTheTeaa Wed 10-Jun-20 00:25:57

They were rude but I cannot stand tutters!

MrsEricBana Wed 10-Jun-20 00:28:17

I hear what you're saying. Of course you weren't racist. I had a huge fall out with a family member today who refused to socially distance properly when we were out and I've come out of it looking like the bad guy even though they were 100% in the wrong. Please don't give it any more thought.

user50000000 Wed 10-Jun-20 00:28:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Enough4me Wed 10-Jun-20 00:29:02

Their choice to ignore distancing, your choice to tut. Their choice could spread a virus on to vulnerable people, your choice shows you were fed up.

They were in the wrong.

akerman Wed 10-Jun-20 00:30:42

That sounds absolutely horrible. I would have cried as well. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I don't think you did anything wrong at all. It's never nice to be tutted at, but it's even less nice to go round unwittingly spreading a deadly virus, which is what they risk doing.

Try and do something nice for yourself. You had a really shitty day which you didn't deserve at all.

GabsAlot Wed 10-Jun-20 00:30:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ferret27 Wed 10-Jun-20 00:31:30

I’m with you on the social distancing ..... esp in shops ...

Excitedannie Wed 10-Jun-20 00:35:39

Thanks all - youre right. I shouldn't have tutted but I think it was just a reaction to people just seemingly unaware. I've learnt my lesson!!!

I'm off to bed - tomorrow is another day and I'll try not to give it anymore head space!

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BashStreetKid Wed 10-Jun-20 00:39:30

I don't think you can get too uptight about social distancing in a supermarket. The reality is that, unless they actually cough over you (and you don't suggest they did) you have to be with an infected person for at least 15 minutes to be at any real risk of catching the virus.

Last time I was in the supermarket I stacked my bags badly and one toppled over dropping a few bits onto the floor. A couple of lovely boys rushed over to help me pick them up. They didn't have to, and they were of course way less than two metres away from me. I didn't tut at them, I just thanked them for their kindness, and two weeks later I'm still virus-free.

Bookoffacts Wed 10-Jun-20 00:41:13

You definitely weren't racist. They just werent very nice people shouting and humiliating you like that for no reason.

It should be against the law.
Sending hugs flowers

Ltdannygreen Wed 10-Jun-20 00:41:37

Even though it’s one of my pet hates, tutting doesn’t incite racism, problem is it’s a very delicate time at the moment and many things are taken out of context. I have many friends that are different races but I’ve was never drawn to them by thier colour only by thier personality. Unfortuntley we live in a world where not everyone is tolerant of everything. I have no issues with race, sex, age I base my choices on wether or not they are assholes basically. I’ve always taught this to my kids and both of them have friends from all walks of life. So them kids calling you an old cow are doing the very thing you got accused of.

Laaf80 Wed 10-Jun-20 00:45:08

Did you tell them why you tutted?

If it makes you feel better I had an out of character row in a shop this week as a man got too close after I repeatedly asked him to move back.

Don’t worry about it OP, tensions are running high all around and people are super stressed.

Cadent Wed 10-Jun-20 00:50:40

I’m surprised someone who could tut at a group of 8 people feels ‘ashamed’ and ‘scared’. I’ve had my suave invaded by people but didn’t feel the need to tut at them. There’s a polite way to deal deal with it.

to be honest, I can't actually remember whether I tutted whether I sighed

confused

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