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To ask you for your REAL lockdown experience?

(94 Posts)
DM1209 Tue 09-Jun-20 15:26:29

Hello all,

Lone parent here, 3 children, 12, 8 and 6.
Full time and full on job in Law which has actually only gotten busier these last 3 months.

Have home schooled and worked throughout and only sent my younger 2 back on the01 June because it was becoming impossible for me to do my job efficiently and effectively and I became very, very shouty, stressed and miserable trying to do it all.
We have not baked
We have no sang songs
We have no made amazing crafts
We have not made lockdown memories (ick!) of any kind - nothing!!

My skin looks like shit, I've lost weight and am exhausted all the bloody time!!!

The house is a tip, not dirty but messy.
Grocery shopping has been time consuming and frankly soul destroying.

On top of that, my useless ex-husband decided during April to tell our children he will never be seeing them again because he can't promise that he can put that time aside and actually show up for his once a month visit.
He last saw them in January and the fallout of that for them has been devastating not least because he has let them down repeatedly since the divorce.

I get it, we are all alive, healthy and well. I have no financial worries.
My children seem happy and tell me all the time how much they love me and I them.
If I sound ungrateful, I'm not.
I'm working all hours (I love what I do) and just trying to scrape through each day but think there is so much more I should be doing to make this time a positive one for us all.

Please tell me your real life lockdown experience and it doesn't have to be miserable like mine smile

OP’s posts: |
Waxonwaxoff0 Tue 09-Jun-20 15:30:48

Pretty miserable here, sorry! We live in a flat with no garden so the first few weeks when outdoor exercise was restricted were awful.

I'm on furlough, which sounds good, but I'm very anxious that I won't have a job to go back to, business is bad for the company I work for.

Homeschooling has gone to shit, DS is just not interested in engaging.

We have been doing lots of baking though! grin

Staysexyanddontgetmurdered Tue 09-Jun-20 15:36:53

Alone with two children under 3 whilst my husband works away for weeks (or months at a time). I went into this with post natal depression and have struggled throughout to get through the days of loneliness and boredom. I love my children and I want more for them. I don't have the mental capacity or energy to spend hours baking or making treasure hunts for them. I feel so guilty all the time but I am tired from being here with them 24/7, especially seeing as my youngest isn't sleeping very well and is often up at 5am.
The days drag on. I miss baby groups, swimming, the children centre and being able to get a babysitter for a few hours.

crosser62 Tue 09-Jun-20 15:41:19

Working way over my hours.
Days off have been few.
My day off has been filled with utter exhaustion, physical & mental but completely overshadowed by the feelings of guilt at not spending my day off home schooling my child.

I took a week off annual leave, started off doing school work, but then I became shouty, stressed, upset both myself and my child SO we fucked it off and went out every day and had fun.

Now back to guilt guilt guilt.
I have visited a shop 3 times since lock down to get food. Also to be normal for a minute.

I’ve done housework, cleaning, laundry, hung my washing out on the line in the sun, normal stuff.

I don’t particularly like people, Im antisocial and an introvert so it suits me fine.

Boulshired Tue 09-Jun-20 15:43:21

I have sort of coped with one day at a time but now the realisation that DS2 (disabled) may not even see school this year has been soul destroying. A good day is a day without violence, a bad day is 3/4 hours sleep and a new injury. DD is mainly in her room as she is afraid. DS1 has been amazing but back to university in September. DP hours are just crazy. Whilst social distancing is in place we are in lockdown.

BeyondMyWits Tue 09-Jun-20 15:53:59

Work (in a pharmacy, so busy, busy, busy) go home, eat, sleep, repeat.

Missing my daughter(19) like mad as she moved out just before lockdown and we haven't even been able to go see her (she is in Wales - so haven't a clue when it will be "allowed"). Other daughter (17) fed up - wants to know what grades she will get for A levels.

Generally bored now though...

BogRollBOGOF Tue 09-Jun-20 15:58:59

Boredom. Chronic boredom.
"Home learning" is a shit show. Most days I don't have the drive to trigger my 9yo into meltdown (ASD, dyslexia, dyspraxia) and keep rounding up the 7yo as he escapes every time I try to deal with the 9yo.
Not a single fucking rainbow. I accepted years ago that the only time my children are crafty is after I've said the words "bedtime". They don't do the other kind of crafty.
We've walked every single fucking public footpath within 5 miles of the house.
Minecraft. Endless minecraft.
Trying to avoid disturbing DH who's working from home.

I have sobbed today at the news that I can now no longer reasonably hope for my children to have an age appropriate education for another THREE FUCKING MONTHS and I am angry and no longer support this shitshow.
I am more lonely and isolated than I was in April when there was a sense of being in it together.

Looking forwards to 22nd June when I can break the boredom by going on a pub garden crawl with my children, while half their school get an education.

Marleymoo42 Tue 09-Jun-20 16:13:48

Managing (just about) to home school 2 and look after toddler. The older 2 are definitely not getting the education they deserve. I am lucky that they are both quite bright and read independently so I am not too worried about them getting behind and they have both made progress. However I do wonder why I spent so long trying to find a school that would push my youngest, seeings as he will have spent most of his time watching TV this year! I am trying not to think about that too much.

DH is a key worker so I am on my own all day.

I am lucky that I still have my part time job. Managing Zoom meetings is a nightmare. My toddler is really overfed snacks to keep him quiet. More mum guilt. I am up until about 1 getting work done I couldn't do in the day but it is easier than trying to do it round the boys.

The worst part of lockdown has been suffering a pretty bad prolapse for which I will not be seen by a doctor 22 weeks (I've had one GP phone conversation). It's quite frightening to have something which is dramatically affecting your life and to not be seen by a doctor, physio or anyone. Just some reassurance would be nice. Or someone to give me a break from lifting the toddler.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that the kids will eventually go back to school and I will manage to stop my pelvic organs from completely falling out before lockdown ends...

MintyCedric Tue 09-Jun-20 16:23:06

Divorced, teenage daughter, working from home (secondary school admin role).

We found out a few days into lockdown that my dad has just a few months to live so I have been isolating as much as possible to help care for him and support my mum, whilst wfh, trying to be there for teen DD (who is a legend thank God) and stay sane.

We have some carer input but there is no emotional support & no respite. No help from XH as he and his partner currently have a volatile foster child in situ. DD is having stay on her own when I do overnights with my parents (she's nearly 16, 3 minutes round the corner and happy to do so but it's not ideal).

It's been the most stressful, exhausting few months of my life and there's not even anything to look forward to.

If see any more wholesome family lockdown photos/stories I will scream!

Stigsmother Tue 09-Jun-20 16:24:35

Honestly? Really, really lonely. I live alone and am "working" from home, currently not doing very much, but very worried about the type of work I may have to do soon. I work for a government organisation and am at home on health grounds. I suffer from anxiety and depression too, and the general situation is making this worse. Since 17th March I have seen one friend (socially distanced of course 😁) for about 10 minutes a few days after my birthday. I am in touch with friends by phone, but it really isn't enough. I have plenty that I should be doing, but my motivation is very patchy. I'm also very conflicted, I do want to see friends, but very anxious about getting back into the real world. So no good news here either, sorry op

yoikes Tue 09-Jun-20 16:32:47

At the start I went a bit mad spring cleaning, baking, home schooling, doing risk assessments for my voluntary roles.
My roles became madly busy and that took up a lot of my time.
DC have been homeschooling the whole time, but only ds2 really needed my input tbh.
Also been making sure my mum is ok.
I'm now seriously lacking motivation. Seriously.
My roles have quieted down but still busy and am booked on a few virtual training courses.
I have put on a LOT of scone weight!
I'm very tired. Not sleeping well.
I'm very worried I haven't got much left tbh.
For anyone.

cabinfever2 Tue 09-Jun-20 16:37:03

I've tried really hard to do what I can. We have cycled together most days, baked once a week and watched some films but it's hard . I am working full time from home on my own with all of them needing various help with school work. I've felt mostly inadequate that I am working so hard for everyone but it's just expected and no one really sees how hard it is but I love no rushing and the extra cuddles I get too!

okiedokieme Tue 09-Jun-20 16:37:17

Well I can't complain, I'm able to wfh, the kids are whinging a lot but they are legally adult so no homeschooling (I do have to referee between the one that wants to watch Netflix on the big tv and the one that insists on doing her university work at the table in the same room, squabbling doesn't end at 18 alas). Their dad is public sector so full pay meaning he's still paying agreed maintenance. (I admit we ignored the kids can only see their non resident parent if under 18 law, it's so unfair on young adults, I felt as he's paying for their keep he should get to spend time with them, anyway he's barely leaving his flat except to come around to see them!)

Ive now moved in with my dp, I couldn't stand the squabbling so left them to it, will do them good to look after themselves!

dementedma Tue 09-Jun-20 16:42:33

Wfh. Cooped up with bored 18 year old, adult dd with mental health problems and dh with whom I dont wish to spend any time. Caring for elderly mother who lives alone. Right now am sitting on my bed bored to tears. DH watching sky sports and playing computer games in kitchen, dd watching tv in sitting room, ds in his room. No other rooms to be in apart from the loo. Gaining weight and drinking too much.

Mum2Girls19 Tue 09-Jun-20 16:45:20

I actually cant complain
Got a permenant position the week we went into lockdown
Both me and hubby can work from home.
Work have given me the flexibility to do part time hours
Have 4 girls, 2 of which are back at school on a part time basis.
We are completing home schooling every morning mostly, I use my days off to do something fun with the kids and memorable...sometimes new things, sometimes they want to do things themselves..
I have attempted to start decorating, so eldest is currently in youngest room whilst her plaster dries and the bed gets delivered something which we wouldnt of accomplished without a lockdown.
We are both earning and no furloughed
Speak to my parents every day via video call and noone has got the virus
We are doing pretty well in the grand scheme..

SummerHouse Tue 09-Jun-20 16:47:24

Maths = 8 yr old shouting random numbers with absolutely no logic or thought.
Baking = huge prep and mess for limited minutes of "making memories" which for me will be my overwhelming desire to shove them out the way and do it myself.
Art = same as baking.
School learning pack = why is it all sideways and what fucking power point presentation??

And I count us as amongst the lucky ones.

MsVestibule Tue 09-Jun-20 16:58:37

Will hearing positive stories really make you feel better?!! If so, here goes:
- My DH is WFH and I'm loving spending more time with him.
- I don't have the stress of fitting in school runs and dog walks around my shifts (key worker).
- My DCs are old enough to entertain themselves most of the time and are keeping up to date with their schoolwork (well, one is; the other is spending 60 million hours a day on the Xbox.)
- We've saves loads on petrol and incidental spending so are having some improvements done to the house and garden.
- My DD is baking constantly.

Your life sounds really, really tough ATM. You're doing a great job holding it all together. Finally, your ex is an utter, utter arsehole and I'm so sorry that you and your lovely children are having to deal with the fallout of his complete and utter arseholery.

Frauhubert Tue 09-Jun-20 17:01:09

Husband and no kids.
I am self employed and I earned too much (just) last year to get any financial help. I have no job, no money coming in, no idea when I can start working again, as my work is too much personal interaction.
Husband working from home full time, I hear him on the fooking call all day long. Luckily we have a very big flat with garden.
There have been many stages of lockdown.
Going to sleep at 3am
Waking up at 11am
Insomnia, lying in bed wide awake until the birds start chirping at 3.30am
Eating too much
Then working out every day to youtube home workout tutorials
Going for 3hours walks
Then not leaving the house for 3 days and having duvet days
Scared of going to the supermarket
Then forgetting to keep social distance while distracted and getting shouted at (oops sorrz)
Trying to do do a clean up and try to earn a few pounds by selling stuff on eBay
Then ordering Gucci belts and Reiss clothes and wrecking the ‘saving programme’
In general just buying too much shit online, someone cut off my intenet pleeeeeease confused
Arguing with husband, making up with husband
Slightly depressed, then all hopefull, fully bored, going slightly maniac and crazy about 4 weeks ago, now... kind of totally used to the lockdown.

Ceara Tue 09-Jun-20 17:05:45

OP, huge respect that you are still standing. I'm a lawyer, I am working from home 5 (6,7?!) days a week but only have 1 child (age 6) and have a DH to share the load albeit he too is working F/T from home.

In a nutshell, all previous support systems at home were removed in March and my job got twice as busy. No crafts or baking occurring here either. Just surviving. The day is a win if nobody has tried to kill each other and we have got DS out of the house for a run round. I had a stupid minor domestic accident last week because I am so exhausted. I am not looking at all the "hey what a jolly lockdown time we and the children having" social media posts any more.

Wishforanishwishdiash Tue 09-Jun-20 17:11:08

Working 7 days a week, alternating looking after little one.
mediocre parent
mediocre employee
really give no fucks about anything
Perhaps depressed?

In Wales we are limited to 5 miles. For the entire summer. Because they can't sort the fucking PPE in care homes our R remains high.

spababe Tue 09-Jun-20 17:15:25

My Mum died early on. Watched funeral online with my Dad who is shielding and said it wouldn't help anyone to go. Other relatives live too far away so watched online. Hard to move on as can't clear out any of her stuff including medicines, clothes etc. Carers all stopped coming as they were for her and I have taken on a carer role with my Dad due to financial issues. DS1 returned home from Uni. Nice to have him home but he is bored now Uni has finished. DS2 mental health improved with cancellation of A levels although he gets bored. No more early starts for the school bus. Driving lessons on hold for him. Hard to get groceries and feed 4 adults with the restrictions on online/click & collect shopping. Myself visiting a supermarket puts my Dad at risk and also I get comments on how much I am buying (4 adults for 2 weeks). Very lucky in that both DH and I WFH for ourselves and business has been unaffected. Very lucky to live in a rural area although cross that vast numbers of visitors to 'our' village have made it harder to socially distance on walks.

TheCanterburyWhales Tue 09-Jun-20 17:16:17

In Italy.

Co-habiting, one 16 yr old DD.

Didn't leave the house for 7 weeks. I am teaching online, DD was having lessons online, dp furloughed but now back at work.

It was oddly normal for DD and I as, even though it was online, I was still seeing 300 kids a week, and DD was seeing her classmates and teachers.

Dp definitely found it harder.

We're almost back to normal now and it feels like it never happened.

MrsMonkeyBear Tue 09-Jun-20 17:33:40

Me, Dh and 2Dds (5&2.)

We've done a bit of baking (it's my job)
I've started Couch 2 5K. On week 5
Dd1, hates doing school work
DH has to be nagged encouraged into helping with the above
Kids fighting continuously
My house is no tidier than it was 10 weeks ago.
My kitchen still needs wall paper.

CoronaIsComing Tue 09-Jun-20 17:36:47

Up and down.

We went all guns blazing with homeschooling up until the week before half term. DS (year 6) did all the work set by his teacher plus extra work ready for going to his Grammar school in September. He did experiments and art and all sorts. We had a week off for half term as we moved house and now we can barely bring ourselves to open our computers again. His school have tried their best but it’s just boring and like Groundhog Day.

DH and I are lucky that we both have secure jobs. DH is busier than ever which he loves but in our new house, his office is downstairs and he insists on having the door open whilst complaining about the noise of the washing machine, my work calls and DS’s Oak Academy videos 🤨. I don’t have a huge amount of work to do but I feel like I’m letting my families down and my colleagues are work shy and either stupid or just pretending to be!

DS’s mental health has suffered due to being an only child and not seeing another child for over 8 weeks. Since we moved, we’ve let him play out on the street as his social skills were dissolving fast at a time when he really needs them. He’s also spent way too much time on Minecraft. Our county have said that schools can’t go back yet, so he’s still at home.

I’m sick to death of cooking 3 meals a day and never getting to eat anything that I haven’t cooked myself. We’ve had a couple of takeaways now though which has helped.

Moving house was a novelty, but it feels like a bit of an anti climax now it’s all over.

Our new area is nice but there’s only so many walks you can go on. At least we can now do a bit more at the weekends and see 6 people on our garden.

exhaustedeverywhichway Tue 09-Jun-20 17:39:49

The first month and a bit of lockdown was awful. I'd been off work for over a month Ill (no idea if COVID or not); barely back to work and lockdown started.

Hell storm, workload doubled / normal job plus the how do we mitigate the impact of Covid on the supply chain. I was still feeling groggy and crap, three children to homeschool (abject failure). Plus 3 extra households to look after due to shielding and or COVID isolation or both.

Elderly shielding relatives who couldn't even access money let alone manage online shopping.

Split shifting work starting at 5am, then a couple of hours to try and home school the children, then back to work till midnight on repeat. Took one day off a week to stand in queue upon queue to get everyone shopping and prescriptions. thank goodness I had some savings.. using said savings to buy and sort the shopping for my house & the extra 3 family households...

I cracked something had to give, the homeschooling went, broken tired doesn't describe it.

Thankfully it's got better as I managed to find suppliers to deliver to one family, and the second household recovered, the third I still shop for as they are still struggling to get access to their money.

Workload is still horrific, but only working 10 hour days now 5 days a week (trying to keep it to 5). I've lost weight, my skin is crap, my house is a shit tip and my children have gone nocturnal.

My neighbours are awful covidots who have regular visitors in the house, overnight and make bloody awful noise in their garden. I have no patience or extra bandwidth to have any compassion for the fuckwits next door.
So words have been had.

I do think I've turned into an arsehole, it is survival mode. It's getting better as I get better at juggling - but this is not sustainable.

That actually feels rather good having that vent, posting whilst hiding in the toilet.

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