DH wants daughter to sleep in her own room

(161 Posts)
WingingItThroughMumLife Tue 09-Jun-20 14:11:22

DH has come home from work today and demanded we are putting our DD (9months) in her own room because he's not getting enough sex (hmm)

I don't feel ready to do this as I suffer with CFS/ME so if I don't get enough sleep I can't function. I also BF so I do all the nighttime wake up calls and have her in my bed for about 25% of the night but she sleeps most of the night between 8 and 8 I rarely struggle to settle her she just sometimes will wake up when I try to move her back to her bed!

So DH wants her in her own room starting tonight which means I will be trying to settle her in there and it will reduce my sleep and hers which will make us both cranky.

So AIBU (or selfish) for keeping her in with us until we reduce night feeds?

OP’s posts: |
DomDoesWotHeWants Tue 09-Jun-20 14:14:34

He doesn't get to dictate what you do. Just tell him no.

YetAnotherSpartacus Tue 09-Jun-20 14:14:39

You'd only be unreasonable if you were 'giving' him sex that you did not feel you wanted to. I mean honestly? What a knob.

BuffaloCauliflower Tue 09-Jun-20 14:16:45

He’s being a dick. 9 months is still so little, and the additional sleep you gain from this set up is not to be sniffed at. How is his sleep affected by the arrangement? He’s being a dick and thinking with his dick.

Megan2018 Tue 09-Jun-20 14:16:47

Jesus Christ!

There are no words for this. I’d actually divorce my husband if he said this (mine is 9 months too).

What on earth do you see in him?!

namechanging2020 Tue 09-Jun-20 14:16:52

He isn't the boss of the house. You have a say too. Our 12 month old has only recently only started sleeping in her cot all night, some babies just aren't ready at 9 months and still need bfing in the night.

TerrorWig Tue 09-Jun-20 14:17:32

Ask him how he’s going to feed the baby. Because of course, you have a chronic illness and less sleep for you is detrimental to your health, so it’s not feasible to try and settle her in another room.

Or is he really suggesting that you inconvenience an disrupt your own sleep patterns because he wants to get his leg over more often?

Does he understand how insulting that is to you and how unattractive it makes him to you to know his dick is his primary concern?


Nottherealslimshady Tue 09-Jun-20 14:18:09

"Well if she sleeps in a different room you'll get even less sex." Aughta do it!

Nottherealslimshady Tue 09-Jun-20 14:18:45

...I meant you'll be more tired so less wanting of sex

JustC Tue 09-Jun-20 14:19:30

If hubs had told me that at any stage, I would have said fuck off. 7yo bloody still sleeps with me, not for lack of trying to get him into his room, and we just make do. We both want our boy to move to his room, because we'd both like more spontaneity to sex, but neither has ever pressuref the other. I like to say I am paying him conjugal visits after DC is asleep. Your husband sounds like a selfish prat. Sorry to be so blunt.

MiniCooperLover Tue 09-Jun-20 14:19:35

Does he think you're just going to magically settle her, she'll fall asleep straight away (because an unusual strange room is never frightening!) and then you'll put on your best lingerie and roll into bed ready and waiting for him? Because he said so ???

SummerDayWinterEvenings Tue 09-Jun-20 14:20:14

Tell him no to moving her and no to sex. Put him in the nursery - job done.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 09-Jun-20 14:20:17

Poor baby. He isn't getting enough sex? That's by far the most important thing. Much more than your physical and mental health, the well-being of your child, the SIDS guidelines and your peace of mind. Bless him.

Actually he's a twat and I'd tell him that and he'd not be getting laid in a while because I don't shag twats.

Pikachubaby Tue 09-Jun-20 14:20:58

Do you want sex?

How long are you planning to BF? A friend of mine did 5yrs and her H was pretty annoyed by then grin

Lolapusht Tue 09-Jun-20 14:21:13

Do you want to have sex? That’s the most important question. He can’t just unilaterally decide that you will be having sex starting tonight. Frankly, that sort of attitude would be a total turn off to me. If he had a calm, reasonable conversation about how he’s feeling and asked you how you feel about sex at the moment then that’s one thing. If he’s just told you what’s going to happen (and it sounds like that’s what he’s done) then he is being completely unreasonable. Secondly, sleeping for mainly 12 hours is brilliant at that age. If she needs to be resettled then fine. If he is willing to do the settling/night feeds then by all means think about moving her but be prepared for lots of staying with her if she’s not happy at being on her own (have both of you thought out a plan on what to do if she doesn’t like being on her own?). If his idea is that she gets moved into her own room tonight and she’ll stay there until morning regardless of how upset she gets, then absolutely not. Do you want her to move to her own room?

shouldisay Tue 09-Jun-20 14:21:49

Because he's not getting enough sex?? Poor man 🙄

Tell him to get stuffed. If he is that bothered he can have a wank. Is he always this self centred?

OP you baby is still little and night feeding, you have a chronic illness his need for sex does not trump either of those.

mindutopia Tue 09-Jun-20 14:22:01

Surely you don't have sex when you're asleep (well, I hope not anyway), so there is no reason wanting to have more sex should interfere with where you all sleep. Have sex in a spare room/bathroom/kitchen table and get lots of sleep. Frankly though, if you are already coping with chronic pain and fatigue, I cannot imagine that getting more disrupted sleep and being even more exhausted will make you perky and ready for sex.

It's very normal for babies and young children to sleep with their parents. Both of mine have slept with dh and I for quite a few years - dd til 3.5 and ds who is 2.5 mostly sleeps in his room now since turning 2 but occasionally still with us (like last night when he was unsettled). If your dh really wants her to start sleeping more independently, then it's his job to do the night wakings - go to the other room, bring her to you, you feed her and then he takes her back and stays there til she's settled. I'm sure that will get old after about a night, or he'll be too tired to be up for sex anyway.

swaywithme Tue 09-Jun-20 14:22:13

What did he actually say? Unless he is willing to deal with half the night wakings then no YANBU at all. Whatever gets you more sleep.

sunflowersandtulips50 Tue 09-Jun-20 14:23:33

If my DH stormed in and instructed me to move my baby into another room that night he would be told to bugger off. Well seeing he isnt dealing with the baby or feeding, his issue is himself and he is selfish.

Is your DH a bully usually?

gamerchick Tue 09-Jun-20 14:24:40

What did you say?

1 option is to tell him to fuck off. Another is to tell him fine, you'll feed her and he can get her to sleep and get up every night to go get her, change nappy, give her to you to feed and then put her back to bed.

Isthisfinallyit Tue 09-Jun-20 14:25:17

How do you feel about your sexlife?

parrotonthesofa Tue 09-Jun-20 14:25:38

I would just tell him to fuck off.

Iwalkinmyclothing Tue 09-Jun-20 14:26:10

"Moving DD is not going to get you more sex, DH, because I am not willing to shag an arsehole such as you are being".

EasyPeasyHappyCheesy Tue 09-Jun-20 14:26:35

In a similar situation I woke be yes sure... But bedtime and settling is now his responsibility.

Colom Tue 09-Jun-20 14:29:12

Surely not?! What a dickhead. You're the one doing all the work (night feeds/settling her) so it's 100% your decision. Do not let him dictate your parenting.

Ugh I would have actually given my DH the heave-ho if he had dared "demand" anything while I was doing all the night feeds.

Did he really "demand"? Is he usually a knob or was this his bad attempt at trying to regain some closeness in your relationship? How did he say it?

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