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to feel complete shock

(24 Posts)
andawe Tue 09-Jun-20 13:15:59

We conceived my first child first try. I considered myself completely lucky and felt relief that we had found it easy.

We're now 14 months into ttc number 2. My husband has had one sperm analysis done and motility and morphology were low. We're now looking at IVF ICSI

I'm stunned. Not that I believe ttc should be easy for me, and that only other people suffer fertility problems, but because we had no problems before and are struggling now.

It's like a bolt from the blue.

Can anyone else offer similar stories? Feels like most people are having their seconds and thirds and fourths all around me

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cheermeupifyoucan Tue 09-Jun-20 13:37:11

It took us 2 months to conceive ds. It took 15 months to conceive this one.
Don't give up.

JustC Tue 09-Jun-20 14:06:51

It is a bit of a lottery. I ahve a friend who is at your opposite. They struggled for years with first one( various issues to conceive and a few miscarriages), and got preggers by mistake with second one as they weren't using protection, had been told no way it could happen. Wish you luck and try to stay positive.

countrybump Tue 09-Jun-20 14:30:25

We had this with our first but not subsequent pregnancies. TTC for more than a year before having tests done which showed DH sperm count low with poor motility and were advised ICSI our best option. But, because of my age (at the time under 30) I wasn't eligible on the NHS and, actually, we weren't sure we wanted to start on that journey.

But, I fell pregnant naturally the following month. Subsequent pregnancies within a few months of trying.

I'll never know what the problem was first time around, nor why DH test results were so poor. But - I believe some virus's and illnesses can temporarily affect sperm quality, as of course might lifestyle choices. Any of that is a possibility.

I feel for you though. I remember the clinic and the day of getting our results and advice as if it was yesterday. I can even recall what song was playing on the radio in the waiting room. Even though it's almost 15 years ago. It was hell and I felt really alone with it. Be kind to yourself.

andawe Tue 09-Jun-20 16:25:21

I just feel like it's never going to happen! Despite having happened before

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swishswashswoosh Tue 09-Jun-20 16:30:44

We are in this camp, 3months if half hearted trying with dc1, 9months (one mmc and subsequent complications) for dc2 and now 15months still trying for a hoped for dc3. Unsure whether we will go through the expense of IVF if it comes to it, although consultant has suggested likely given my age now and previous complications. Secondary infertility is shit.

MouthBreathingRage Tue 09-Jun-20 16:34:24

I'm so sorry. These things do seem to come out of nowhere. I thought we were very able to conceive after two children, but I'm currently having my second miscarriage in three months (third all together). Not old, not particularly unhealthy, just gone from 'yes we can have kids' to 'probably won't happen again'. I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out.

randomchap Tue 09-Jun-20 17:19:54

First one took about 6 weeks of trying, second one took over 16 months.

No medical reason why it took so long the second time.

It can and does happen, hope it works for you

KilljoysDutch Tue 09-Jun-20 17:32:27

DD was conceived when I got drunk and threw up my pill, DS took nearly 2 years. Sometimes it's just random but it can happen, we were ready to give up and I genuinely thought it just wasn't going to happen but it did and it can for you.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay Tue 09-Jun-20 17:36:21

Friend of mine was told she couldn't conceive.
Went to GP because she thought problems with menopause, five months pregnant at 50!
Child is 7 or 8 now.

fayebebaby Tue 09-Jun-20 17:39:42

Same here took 2 months to conceive no 1. Took 2 years to conceive no 2 was undergoing tests for unexplained secondary infertility when I got pregnant

Michellebops Tue 09-Jun-20 17:43:30

With my daughter I came off the pill in November and conceived at New Years.

No2 we started trying in April 2017, I became pregnant in August 2018 after having a laparoscopy procedure, sadly miscarried in the October. Had another laparoscopy in June 2019.
Found out I was pregnant on Boxing Day and sadly miscarried at new year.

I'm now 43 and feel it slipping away. My cycle used to be 27 days and now I'm averaging 33 days.
Have faith 💓

RandomMess Tue 09-Jun-20 17:48:28

Just huge hugs thanks

octobersky19 Tue 09-Jun-20 17:57:34

I'm the opposite took 3 years to have DS and we needed ICSI (low count and low motility) 8 months later I'm naturally pregnant, really shocking tbh hit me like a ton of bricks.

ICSI is amazing, I hope it goes well for you xx

octobersky19 Tue 09-Jun-20 17:59:41

Zita West has a book that's really, really helpful. Some of the recipes and advice really got me through icsi

tinseltitsandlittlegits Tue 09-Jun-20 17:59:54

It took us a week to conceive first
7 years to conceive the second
And then 9 years later we were surprised with an unplanned third after being told we had more chance of winning the lottery x

Nonnymum Tue 09-Jun-20 18:02:39

It took 5 years for my fríend to conceive her 2nd. She thought it would never happen but it did. There is a 7 year age gap between her two but they are very close and she says she wouldn't have it any other way

Shadeslayer Tue 09-Jun-20 18:34:17

Ds1 first month
Ds2 gave up after 14 months 15 months it happened.

Ilikeviognier Tue 09-Jun-20 18:40:42

Yep. Afraid what happens the first time has no bearing on the second time. I had to have ivf for the first one after being told I had low ovarian reserve. DS2 was conceived Immediately when the ivf baby was 8 months old and my period came back because I was sure it would take years and/or require further ivf to conceive again.

TheFuckingDogs Tue 09-Jun-20 18:53:36

Yes secondary infertility sufferer here, there’s some good blog posts etc out there, some of us can feel a lot of guilt as we have been lucky enough to have one etc etc there can be some very complex emotions going on, also desperately wanting your child to have a sibling when they ask why everyone else has one etc
Good luck with the ICSI

TheFuckingDogs Tue 09-Jun-20 18:56:38

Also most sensitive people nowadays know not to ask people why they haven’t had one but when you already have one you constantly get the questions about why you haven’t had another yet 🙄 drives me mad, I’m just really honest now and say we have never been able to then the embarrassment is theirs not yours

Cantstopeatingchocolate Tue 09-Jun-20 19:24:30

I had 3 pregnancies in 8 months, 2 miscarriages and finally my DS.
I thought I'd fall pregnant really easily for number 2 but......nothing.
Spent a year not really trying but no protection, then 2 years of working out the days that I was most fertile and still nothing.
Over 40 by that time so we decided to adopt instead

icansmellburningleaves Tue 09-Jun-20 19:25:54

My husband’s sperm were a complete load of duffers. They couldn’t even swim in a straight line. We were reaching the point of giving up when I got pregnant. It’s very early days in terms of trying. Don’t give up.

andawe Tue 09-Jun-20 20:15:26

Thank you all for your messages thankssmile

The trying is really testing our relationship in that it's ruining sex for both of us! The pressure and timed sex etc. I want to relax but equally don't want to waste fertile days

OP’s posts: |

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