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To expect ds grandparents not to book a trip away on ds 1st birthday

(75 Posts)
LEMONADEGIRL Sun 23-Sep-07 07:32:21

That is it really, went to vist my dh parents and they casually told me thst they have booked a long weekend away to visit relatives. They go the day of ds 1st birthday.

Now I know that is my childs birthday but surely they would want to be there. I hadn't mentioned yet that I will be doing a family party as it is a month away but they must have thought I would do something.

Anyway dh said he sees my point but do you, aibu?

Must point out this is the only grandchild

pyjamaqueen Sun 23-Sep-07 07:34:49

YABU if you didn't tell them you were organising anything. Don't think kids know about birthdays until they're 3, so don't think your ds will be upset about it.

MaryBleedinPoppins Sun 23-Sep-07 07:35:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunshineonarainyday Sun 23-Sep-07 07:37:28

YANBU. We had family parties for DD and DS when they turned one and all the family came, grandparents included.

Could you get your DH to speak to them - do you think there is any chance that they have forgotten the date?? Although seeing as it's their only grandchild I would have thought they would have remembered!

LEMONADEGIRL Sun 23-Sep-07 07:39:36

well I know that ds is not going to be aware of it but, are 1st birthdays not special anymore? Bit of a mile stone and all that, okay more for the parents but even so, first grand child.

It is a month away so that is why hadn't mentioned it, just never occured to me that they would not want to see us all really.

Must be me then hmm

liath Sun 23-Sep-07 07:40:16

We went ski-ing over dd's 1st birthday and she spent the day in the creche. She had no idea it was her b'day anyway. More important for grandparents to be around for later birthdays IMHO!

pyjamaqueen Sun 23-Sep-07 07:41:11

Everyone's different I suppose. It annoys the hell out of me when grandparents ASSUME that they will be welcome at dc's parties. Would expect them to wait to be invited. In this case, they've given you plenty of notice they won't be around.

LEMONADEGIRL Sun 23-Sep-07 07:50:06

The thinkg is pq if I had a party and not then invited dh grandparents the fuss the mil would have created.

Well am having a party and will have a great time their loss imo

liath Sun 23-Sep-07 07:56:21

Just make damn sure they drop a present off before they go on holiday, lemonadegirl grin!!

belgo Sun 23-Sep-07 08:13:22

sorry YABU. My dd's grandparents regularly miss her birthday party due to different circumstances.

roisin Sun 23-Sep-07 08:30:13

YABU I can't remember any grandparents ever being at any of dss birthdays! Actually that's not true, I just remembered ds1's 4th or 5th.

Our family have never lived close by to us, so visits involve staying overnight/longer stays. When I have guests I prefer to have th etime to devote to them, not rushing around organising a party.

The boys have never minded: they get to celebrate their birthday on several different days with different lots of relatives as well as with their immediate family and friends!

Blandmum Sun 23-Sep-07 08:42:38

My parents never made any of our kids birthdays, first or otherwise.

MIL has, but she is fainly manic and checks the details months in advance.

If they didn't know there was a party prepared, I don't think that is unreasonable of them to have their own life. Quite healthy, in fact

LadyVictoriaOfCake Sun 23-Sep-07 08:48:11


theStallionOfSensibleness Sun 23-Sep-07 08:50:37



MrsBadger Sun 23-Sep-07 08:54:32


more understandable post would be
'aibu to be pissed off at mil for assuming she can come over on dd's birthday even though we haven't invited her?'

mm22bys Sun 23-Sep-07 09:03:19

YABU. It's only a first birthday, it wouldn't matter what day of the year it was being held, your DC would not know any different.

I actually think first birthdays should be more of a celebration of what the mother went through exactly one year earlier!

Theclosetpagan Sun 23-Sep-07 09:08:53

Can understand why you are upset. Let them know you have a party planned and they might be able to change their weekend for a different one. Just say "I didn't want you to miss out so am just letting you know I was planning to have small family birthday party for DS that weekend". It's up to them then if they come or not.

juuule Sun 23-Sep-07 09:12:56


LEMONADEGIRL Sun 23-Sep-07 09:21:43

wow guess my assuption that first birthdays is important is way of track.

Thanks to those who sort of understand. To those of you who think that I am being unreasonable - thanks for replies

As for being pfb yes quite right he is and am glad of that.

As for in laws having their own life - yeah agree good for them, I will jsu remember to book a trip on their 25th wedding anniversary, well I have my own life to.

Blandmum Sun 23-Sep-07 09:24:51

I think that there is a big difference between doing it because they didn't think there was going to be a big party, and doing it to 'get even'. The latter will just make trouble in the family, and will make you look mean and spiteful.

I can understand your upset, but delibertly trying to hurt people is being unreasonable. very unreasonable.

PeckaRolloverAgain Sun 23-Sep-07 09:27:06

lemonadgegirl my PIL have missed each of my DS's birthday - he is 4 now. They have been to America each time.

I agree that they have their own lives and its not really that important but will confess to be being a bit miffed/upset on each birthday.

They are very doting grandparents the rest of the time - very involved and loving so I guess its just not that important to them which I have to understand.

So a mix of YANBU and YABU but solidarity that I feel the same!

Freckle Sun 23-Sep-07 09:31:41

MIL was away for DS3's birth and every birthday since (he's now 9). She and her partner always go away at this time of year, although, being well into retirement, they could choose to go at another time. I suppose DS3's birthday isn't a good enough reason to change their plans sad.

Lazylou Sun 23-Sep-07 09:32:01

Actually I'm with you Lemonadegirl about this. I consider the first birthday of a child to be a milestone, especially in our circumstances as DD was quite ill throughout her first year. Every birthday since, her grandparents have been there making a fuss (just like any other day really!) My view on it is that if you want to go away, there are 51 other weekends in the year to do so. Obviously I understand that some families might have special circumstances where attending birthdays is not an option and in these cases then fair enough.

I can see you ILs POV however, especially if they didn't know you were organising anything. I feel with birthdays, regardless of your age, that it is your day and if you can't be made a fuss over on your birthday then that is pretty sad. My DD is my PFB but I can honestly say, I would do the same thing again with any other children I may have.

I think you have the right attitude in that it is their loss. ANd even if your DC doesn't realise what is going on, I'm sure there will be lots of photos to show when they are older. DD loves looking at hers becasue in most of them she is covered in chocolate.

Just try not to let it get to you, as you said, it will be their loss and I'm sure you'll have a lovely day with your DC regardless of whether they are there or not.

LEMONADEGIRL Sun 23-Sep-07 09:32:13

I guess that from last post it looks that i am being childish but trouble is their is background to my feelings. The relationship im my opinion is very one sided.

Really am not spiteful person for example inlaw were away on hols we were due to go away just after they got back. Drove ds to see them as it would be nearly a month before they would see him again. Not that they bother to make the trip to my house.

haychee Sun 23-Sep-07 09:34:35

Why stress over it, they are missing out - so what?!

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