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AIBU - asking why they want this.

(20 Posts)
Bunnyfuller Mon 08-Jun-20 19:13:23

My parents have drawn up their latest will. They’ve always been very cagey and secretive about this side of things, and have changed it several times around various family arguments etc. They live in a v small mobile home, and have an apartment in Spain which they say is in negative equity and they still owe 60k.

Fast forward to now, and as part of this most recent iteration of the will they’re appointing me and my brother with Power of Attorney. I live a long way from them, and my mum has sent an identical form for the 3rd time for me to sign, also a witness. She has said I need to sign it without a date - this seems really weird to me - surely you sign it in front of the witness, on the date, and the witness writes the date too?

There has been some dodgy activity in the past, using my name on utility bills as they’ve trashed their credit reference.

I’m not even sure what to say, when I asked her why no dates she just changed the subject.

OP’s posts: |
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Mon 08-Jun-20 19:14:53

Given their history I would refuse to sign it and just say you will next them you are all together and can actually witness the process.

ConstanceSalinger Mon 08-Jun-20 19:16:41

Do they actually have anything to leave in a will? I wouldn't want the power of attorney for them if they've already proved to be untrustworthy. Sounds like a right shit job.

GarlicMonkey Mon 08-Jun-20 19:20:19

Are they trying to wriggle out of some debt or contract by pretending they didn't have capacity? A backdated POA could be used to evidence this.

Thymeout Mon 08-Jun-20 19:22:21

The signatories to a PoA have to sign in a specific order. The bank queried my mother's, because my brother had signed at an earlier date than my dcs, or vv. When I did my own, my solicitor said that he would date the signatures so they were in the correct order. So it needn't be anything dodgy.

Bunnyfuller Mon 08-Jun-20 19:23:43

All of you are probably right. I’ve literally no idea why they’re doing it and I already know mum will go on the defensive attack and get pissy with me.

We don’t see them. They live 400 miles away in a 1-bedroom mobile home in a popular (expensive) tourist area. We can’t afford to pay to go and see them and they’re not happy to come to us. Strained and volatile relationship.

OP’s posts: |
Bunnyfuller Mon 08-Jun-20 19:24:24

Thanks @Thymeout that’s reassuring.

OP’s posts: |
Kirstymc159 Tue 09-Jun-20 11:05:38

No leaving the date blank is normal. The solicitor will enter the date when it’s ready to send off. However it is a big responsibility. If your not 100% sure you are happy then politely refuse

FOJN Tue 09-Jun-20 11:10:30

I signed one last year but can't remember if I was instructed to fill in the date or leave it blank. It was sent to me by a solicitor and I returned it directly to them.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Tue 09-Jun-20 11:16:56

I thought you had to sign - and date - your will in the presence of witnesses. A friend who was terminally ill wanted to draw up a new will. Since he was too ill to leave home his solicitor came to him, bringing two witnesses from his office. I’m not sure why he’d bother to do that if it wasn’t strictly necessary.
How else can you be sure it’s genuine?

BarbaraofSeville Tue 09-Jun-20 11:26:18

Don't know about the wills, although I would suggest asking their solicitor just to make sure it's correct. I would have thought that the name would be on the will so call/email them?

The story about the Spanish apartment could be true if they bought it in the years leading up to the 2007 crash. Vast numbers of apartments were built, some were sold for far more than they were actually worth but many were left unsold at the time of the crash.

There's apartments that people are still trying to sell these days for 50-100k euros that they paid 200k euro or more for, but because there are so many apartments for sale, they can't get back anywhere near what they paid for them.

Sn0tnose Tue 09-Jun-20 11:51:33

It could be completely innocent. As they’ve got form, I’d be wondering whether they simply want a signed but undated form knocking about so they can change their will or PoA as the fancy takes them without having to tell anyone.

I think, in your circumstances, I’d politely decline to have anything to do with their finances. It sounds like it’s going to be a massive headache, it will probably end up costing you money and it’s not like you’re going to be missing out on a life changing sum of money if they exclude you from their will. It’s an utterly thankless task for two people who haven’t treated you very well.

Justwalkyourfineassoutthedoor Tue 09-Jun-20 12:03:42

Me and my brother have joint power of attorney for our Dad. The forms were sent to him to sign first and then back to the solicitors and then to me to sign and back to the solicitors - we both left the date blank for the solicitors to fill in once it was all finalized

Nyoman Tue 09-Jun-20 12:13:32

You do not have to accept PoA. My family tried to get me to accept it for my mother, who was abusive to me and an enabler of other abusers.
I refused to accept PoA and had to write to the solicitor saying I did not accept.

Only give what you can afford to give, you have just one life bunnyfuller thanks

Bundlemuffin Tue 09-Jun-20 12:18:37

Given their track record of dishonesty and deceit, and your strained relationship with them, I would be declining to get involved with their finances in any way.

And if they get pissy about it, I would block them. It doesn't sound as though they would be missed.

It's only sensible to protect yourself, both financially and emotionally.

Nottherealslimshady Tue 09-Jun-20 12:25:50

Given their track record, I wouldn't.

MyGodImSoYoung Tue 09-Jun-20 12:55:27

I draw up LPAs for clients on a regular basis. The documents do have to be signed in a particular order, which might explain the date thing, but you need to sign in the presence of a witness.

I would just be honest with your parents and say that you don't want to be Attorney. Seems totally reasonable in your situation. I, personally, would not want to get involved as an Attorney in your circumstances. Also, a 400 miles distance is not at all sensible for an Attorney xx

FLOrenze Tue 09-Jun-20 13:10:44

I definitely would not sign it. It is a lot of hassle being an attorney. You have to keep records and account for every penny spent. If anyone is less than honest you can be accused of all sorts of things. I would just say that in view of the distance they live it is not practical.

HyggeHeart Tue 09-Jun-20 13:15:36

I signed one recently for my sister. The other signatories, witnesses and I were all told not to date it. Not sure why but it was all above board.

FLOrenze Tue 09-Jun-20 14:37:00

The reason is that the donor signs first then the Certificate provider. The attorney must read what is written so that there can be no misunderstanding about the role they are to play. If the attorney signs before all is completed it could be altered without his or her knowledge. This is a serious legal document that carries a lot of responsibility. I am surprised that solicitors are suggesting leaving it undated .

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