Sorry, this is long. A good friend landed a senior, well-paid job and offered me occasional work, with a promise of more in the future.
Working for her, I saw a different side to her - a wee bit snippy and officious, but nothing too bad. Outside office hours, she talks about work a lot.
All was going well until I performed a new task, which took me longer than expected and I forgot to follow one of the stages (which made no difference to the outcome, which she and other staff were very pleased with).
At the time of the mistake, she shouted at me. I said I was sorry and would not repeat it now I was aware of it, but was shocked at her reaction and the fact she wouldn't let it drop, to the point where I became tearful.
I have bosses at my regular job who do this and nobody likes them. I have been a boss myself and have never shouted at staff who screwed up because everybody makes mistakes and it doesn't achieve anything.
A week later we had a long chat which was friendly, but she completely avoided talking about work. I asked her about a couple of the other jobs she had previously promised me but she said she "didn't know if those jobs were happening now".
I am pretty sure she gave that work to someone else and it was money I was depending on, having lost a large chunk of my work due to Covid19.
I felt let down and avoided her for a couple of weeks until she texted asking what was wrong. I emailed saying I was upset at the way she had spoken to me and disappointed that the other jobs were now off the table. She replied saying "Sorry, I didn't realise I'd shouted at you" etc....."I value your friendship, let's chat".
So we did, and again it was all very "nice" but there was no mention of work or a proper apology.
Historically, I have some trust issues with her, as she bitches about someone we know but continues to be friends with her. In the past her mother let slip an unpleasant remark she'd made about me, which she did apologise for, and we moved on from it.
Those trust issues have resurfaced and, with the lack of a sincere apology, presumably because she feels justified, I am at the point where I don't feel like investing further in the friendship.
I don't know why I am so focused on an apology over something that many would consider trivial but without it I don't feel I can move on.
Am I being unfair and making a mountain out of a molehill?
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Cracks in a long friendship
29 replies
northernstar0412 · 08/06/2020 13:36
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