Hi all. Have done my first ever name change for this, as I feared it may be a little outing.
Thing is, I know I'm being unreasonable. But I think that reading a different perspective will actually help me here.
I have never been a demanding daughter, and am very self-sufficient in general and when it comes to raising my children. I've had to be. The rest of my family (by this I mean parents and siblings) live in each other's pockets, but I've always been the one to live further away, due to work or whatever. These days we live an hour apart. I'm the only one not to drive, so it takes me about three times as long, door to door, by public transport.
My mum (young, fit and healthy) visits us three times a year maximum. I travel through to see her more often. We get on well and enjoy a close relationship. Over the years I have had to work hard at managing my expectations of her. She's great, but fairly aloof and not overly maternal. She wouldn't do the small grandparental things, such as phoning my child on the first day of her new school to ask how it went. She was depressed when we were growing up, and completely unavailable emotionally. Things got better as we hit our teens, and these days it's pretty good.
She recently sold the family home (my parents divorced years ago and she lives alone), and is looking for somewhere new to buy. Bit hard at the moment, but doesn't stop her looking online etc. Her dream was always to go a bit more rural; somewhere lovely with good walks. I have always encouraged her to go for it, and really want her to be happy. I've been helping her look for places online too.
Yesterday she had a viewing of an empty property. Somewhere that has been gutted out and done up beautifully. She loved it. It's right by the beach and will suit her needs in many ways.
Thing is, I selfishly feel a bit down about the location of it. For me to visit, it would entail two trains and a short ferry ride, plus walking between each form of transport. It would take HOURS and be quite an expensive trip (I'm a single mum).
I KNOW I'm being selfish. But I had hoped to come out of lockdown seeing a bit more of mum, not far less.
My siblings are on the right side of the country for it, so it will be easier for them. She has always been a bit insular, and I totally understand that the distance doesn't bother her as much. But now that it's looking likely this sale will go ahead, I feel strangely sad about it.
She always told me that my decision to move an hour away meant that's why she doesn't visit me as much (my children's father is here, which is why I prioritised it), but an hour's drive in the car is nothing compared to the journey to see her if she moves.
AIBU?
Thanks in advance
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AIBU?
To feel a bit upset by my mother's plans to move.
68 replies
eatsleepread · 08/06/2020 10:20
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