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AIBU to make DS save his birthday money, and how would you handle this?

(144 Posts)
parentofteen Mon 08-Jun-20 08:51:57

DS had his birthday this weekend. He's in his early teens.

He got £500 in cash and £200 of vouchers.

Historically I have always made him save part of his birthday and Christmas money in his bank account for when he's older. He has about £1k saved in that account at present - he can't access it.

He doesn't want to save any of the money this time. I've tried to compromise and say he needs to put away a minimum of £100. He is refusing.

AIBU? If I'm not being U, how would you handle his refusal to give me the money to save for him? He has hidden all the money at present.

OP’s posts: |
Tableclothing Mon 08-Jun-20 08:53:29

What does he want to spend it on?

UnderTheBus Mon 08-Jun-20 08:54:40

It's his money, he doesnt have to save it if he doesnt want to.

ringletsandtwiglets Mon 08-Jun-20 08:55:28

What does he want to spend it on?

I kind of feel as though he should be able to make the choice here... it's his birthday money. He has a decent amount saved and protected (for one so young) already.

Yes, it's a huge amount of money to spend, but unless he is saving for something specific, maybe he can't see the point right now of locking more of his money away in an untouchable account.

Maybe suggest to friends and family to buy him gifts next time, too?

Thepilotlightsgoneout Mon 08-Jun-20 08:56:16

Let him fritter it. It’s a valuable lesson.

DDiva Mon 08-Jun-20 08:56:26

It seems alot of money, but it is his money.

What does he want to buy ?

LouiseTrees Mon 08-Jun-20 08:57:29

Get him to put it into just a normal bank account thar he can access as nothing is really open that he can spend it on anyway and tell him then at least it might make a few pennies interest. Tell him each time he spends he’ll be able to easily see what’s left at the cash point. Make it a learning experience. Once he’s used it all and eg asks for a new pair of trainers then say well you could’ve used your birthday money for those, I will buy you a new pair but only when those are actually done (or if they are fully done then say but I’m only spending x on the new pair). I know it means he hasn’t saved anything this time but hopefully he understands it means he needs to be more responsible with money.

Mrsjayy Mon 08-Jun-20 08:59:42

He has got to "that " age where you can't tell him what to do it's his money blah blah. Ask him what he is planning to spend it on ? Saving 100 is a decent amount maybe let him know he could buy a car or have a decent holiday or something with his savings and it might prompt him to save it.

teenagetantrums Mon 08-Jun-20 09:00:14

Do you give him pocket money .if so you could just stop for a while and save that for him. To be honest if be wants to spend it l would let him. What's he going to buy with it though,? Maybe in future ask people to give him half what they were going to and give you the rest to save. He won't need to know.

parentofteen Mon 08-Jun-20 09:00:16

He has nothing in mind that he wants to spend it on, but will probably want to spend a large chunk of it on some form of designer clothing. The type they sell in Selfridges rather than JD Sports.

OP’s posts: |
FudgeBrownie2019 Mon 08-Jun-20 09:00:34

How old is he? That would make a difference to me.

DS14 and DS9 both get lots of money for birthdays and Christmas (we have large families). I don't tend to control their spending of their money - I put it into their accounts (DS14 has a Lloyds teen account with a debit card and DS9 has a GoHenry card that works like a pre-pay debit) and it's theirs. I don't see it as my place to control what they spend, just to guide them in the right direction.

Both have very different spending habits - DS14 will save for specific items and I rarely have to guide him, DS9 loves buying any old shit and needs more help to choose the right stuff. We also help them save by matching their savings - that way they see the long-term gain from saving rather than just the short-term 'yay' of buying something.

heartsonacake Mon 08-Jun-20 09:01:34

YABVU. It’s his money; you shouldn’t be dictating to him what to do with it. If you want him to have a savings account then you save for him, don’t force that onto him.

How will he ever learn the value of money if you don’t let him? Children need to make mistakes with money while it’s safe so they become adults who know how to handle money.

LellyMcKelly Mon 08-Jun-20 09:01:38

Ultimately it’s his money to do with as he pleases and at 15 you can’t really tell him what to do with his own money. However, if he does choose to keep it all, you know he has enough money for cinema etc. (When he’s able to go) so I would stop funding things like that and let him pay for himself. He’ll find it starts vanishing pretty quickly. Either that or you agree he can keep it provided he uses part of it to make a sensible or significant purchase such as a laptop or games console or a season ticket or something so the money doesn’t frittered away.

Tink88 Mon 08-Jun-20 09:02:48

It's his money

BubblesBuddy Mon 08-Jun-20 09:04:14

If he’s only got £1000 saved and he’s been indulged to this extent, you only have yourselves to blame. Give him less and save the rest. I thought DH and I were generous but this amount of money is too much. Put it in an account and don’t give it all to him. Then you wing get the argument will you? What on Earth is he going to spend it all on in his early teens? The mind runs riot!

PontiacBandit Mon 08-Jun-20 09:04:54

I encourage mine to save but don't insist on it. My teen tends to put 50% of gifted money into savings and 50% into her current account.

Sicktaethebackyeeth Mon 08-Jun-20 09:05:39

It's his money, not yours. You're being controlling

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe Mon 08-Jun-20 09:06:42

Good for him for standing up to you and voicing his wants and desires about his own money.

vanillandhoney Mon 08-Jun-20 09:06:52

It's his money - you can't force him to save it if he doesn't want to.

Fromage Mon 08-Jun-20 09:07:21

Let him make whatever mistaken purchases he likes.

parentofteen Mon 08-Jun-20 09:07:33

@bubblesbuddy WE haven't given him all this money! You're being incredibly rude to say I've indulged him and I think my OP is pretty clear that this money hasn't come from us. He had £80 and a couple of presents from me. The rest has come from relatives.

OP’s posts: |
Antipodeancousin Mon 08-Jun-20 09:08:05

It seems like a lot of money but I would have hated having even a hundred pounds taken away from me and put into an account I couldn’t touch at 13/14/15. He may not have any particular plans for the money now but he might want to buy something later one or even just have cash to hand for days out etc.
Family have gifted him the money with the expectation that he will be able to treat himself to what he really likes, not that it will be taken from him and saved for necessities in the future.

parentofteen Mon 08-Jun-20 09:08:39

This is really helpful, consensus is pretty clear that he should be able to access the lot, and allow him to make his own mistakes.

Thank you all.

OP’s posts: |
Hopefulhen Mon 08-Jun-20 09:09:13

What do you envisage that the savings are for OP? Does he have any other money saved on his behalf?

EllaAlright Mon 08-Jun-20 09:09:43

I encourage my teens to save birthday money, but I don’t enforce it, if they blow it it’s up to them, and they understand that’s it. Mine are 18 and 16 now though, so I quite rightly, don’t have much say!

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