To be bored with life

[Poptart4]

Maybe it's the lockdown or maybe it's a mid life crisis. I'm a soon to be 37yr old mother of 4 and I'm thoroughly bored with life.

I love my kids, my job, my house and my partner. I count my blessings every day and take nothing for granted but still....

....nothing remotely exciting ever happens.

I vividly remember being in my teens/twenties laughing at people having mid life crisis' but now I understand them. Not that I'm about to have an affair or buy a red sports car. But I cant help sometimes thinking "is this it??"

Anyone else in their late 30's/40's feel this way? Any suggestions on how to spice up my life?

[msenglesias]

@Poptart4 I feel like I could have written this message.. although we are different in many ways this spoke to me so much! I am not married yet but very settled and often think I am very lucky to have everything that I do.

BUT.. there will always be a part of me that wanted to live in another country where I feel most alive and part of me feels like I will never be happy. So the things that flits through my head is do I make a drastic change and go after true fulfillment or just continue to feel like I have 'settled'.

[Isawthathaggis]

I think if you have four children, in the third month of lockdown, and still able to count your blessings your still ok.

Honestly OP, it’s a weird time and everyone hits a wall at some time.

Mine was earlier last week when I just got bored of cooking and clearing three meals a day. So much food. So many plates.
I’m weaning two 10-month olds ATM and am thoroughly bored of trying to plan ‘fun’ balanced meals. For my first I baked whole meal breadsticks, I’m giving these two wotsits if they will give me some piece.

I suggest not living through a pandemic with four children to make life more interesting.

[Poptart4]

Maybe it is the lockdown, I hope it is.

I cant wait until I can start planning holidays/weekends away.. I think it's the total lack of anything to look forward to because we don't know how this virus is going to pan out.

[Plummy987]

Yes me. I'm mid-thirties and have felt like this for a good couple of years. I'm perfectly fine but just completely underwhelmed by life now. I remember in my teens and twenties having so much fun and lots of new and exciting experiences and feeling like there was a world of possibilities out there, and I really never get that feeling anymore - even before lockdown.

I can't work out whether this is just what happens as you get older and more world weary or whether I have low level depression.

[Poppytime]

I'm 37 and feel exactly the same! I think lockdown has a lot to do with it, desperately need a break from work + home schooling. Feel like there is so much more I want to do but not sure how and when I can do it... you're not alone

[BubblesBuddy]

I think four DC has clipped your wings. That was presumably your choice but having more time, money and ability to enjoy ourselves is what made me stop at 2. So you have to take what you can from DC and family and dream for the future. Start planning something!

[Moondust001]

@Poptart4

Maybe it is the lockdown, I hope it is.

I cant wait until I can start planning holidays/weekends away.. I think it's the total lack of anything to look forward to because we don't know how this virus is going to pan out.

Perhaps this is the time to think about changing things. Holidays and weekends away aren't the be all and end all of a meaningful life. In fact, they might be something to look forward to (don't get me wrong, I love travelling) but they don't really add up to a meaningful life. Do you work? Do you want to work? Could you study? Volunteer? There are lots of things that could enrich your life and the lives of others. You can't be defined by your children, house and partner - what defines you?

[tobedtoMNandfart]

I hear you. Thank you for your post.
I too have a lovely life & family but I've basically spent 18 years putting everyone else first. Now I'm stuck at home with a partner working full time & 3 teenagers who ignore me! I need to learn how to make decisions for me again.

[FraughtwithGin]

You sound like my mother at about the same age.
My question to you is "what do you want to happen?" What do you count as "exciting"? (I have spent hours "surfing" exotic destinations to cheer myself up...A bit of gratuitous day-dreaming never did any harm!)
I am probably not alone in also feeling a little like this, but I recognise it is because travel/freedom of movement is limited at present (I am not in the UK) so I can't currently plan anything like a holiday or visiting relatives and even the most mundane of tasks, such as shopping or going to the post office, take approximately 50% longer than normal and require military-precision planning!
Hats off to you, though, for enjoying what you have under these trying circumstances.

[Poptart4]

@Plummy987

Yes me. I'm mid-thirties and have felt like this for a good couple of years. I'm perfectly fine but just completely underwhelmed by life now. I remember in my teens and twenties having so much fun and lots of new and exciting experiences and feeling like there was a world of possibilities out there, and I really never get that feeling anymore - even before lockdown.

I can't work out whether this is just what happens as you get older and more world weary or whether I have low level depression.

I had really bad post natal depression last year but feel I'm over it now. But it has crossed my mind that maybe I still have some low level depression going on.

[Poptart4]

@BubblesBuddy

I think four DC has clipped your wings. That was presumably your choice but having more time, money and ability to enjoy ourselves is what made me stop at 2. So you have to take what you can from DC and family and dream for the future. Start planning something!

Four children have definitely clipped my wings. I knew that before having them and was/am prepared to make the sacrifice as I love having a big family and for me the positives out weight the negatives.

Money isnt a problem but a severe lack of baby sitters means we cant do much. But i know it wont be forever.

[Poptart4]

@tobedtoMNandfart

I hear you. Thank you for your post.
I too have a lovely life & family but I've basically spent 18 years putting everyone else first. Now I'm stuck at home with a partner working full time & 3 teenagers who ignore me! I need to learn how to make decisions for me again.

Definitely time to make yourself a priority. I'd strongly suggest getting a job. I work 3 days a week and it keeps me sane. I do it more for the social interaction than the money.

[BubblesBuddy]

Things I used to do just for me include going to the Royal Opera House. Loads of people enjoy ballet on their own. I go to exhibitions and I enjoy a bit of high end browsing in shops like Liberty. I walk around more unexplored areas of London. And other cities I can get to in a day.

I’ve joined a club (not one open to your age group) with lots of days out as well as study time. I’m sure there are similar ones for all sorts of interests. I have friends who go to church on their own. Other friends join in with village events such as quizzes and drinks evenings. What’s on near you?

I’m sure you’ll have other ideas from gym membership to baking cakes for charity or even helping with a charity. I didn’t want a job that only had limited holidays but you can find other things to do - even an OU degree.

[lemmathelemmin]

I'm 28 and feel like this. Never had a career though, just been mum for nearly 5 years.

What have I go to look forward to?

[Fluffymulletstyle]

Im same age and felt a bit like this for a while when my two were toddlers. No family help to babysit meant it was a slog. I also breastfed both until age 2 which felt very tieing. Eldest is now in school and youngest should have been starting nursery in September.

In the last year I've been able to get out more at night to gym etc and go away by myself - hen dos/wedding and work conferences/courses. The freedom us amazing after years of putting myself second. Then covid 19 appeared and I'm back stuck at home again. It's really sad I'm remembering the work conferences so fondly now!!

[CocoLoco87]

I'm early 30's and feel the same way. Been married 8 years, 3 young kids and counting and I'm desperate for a change. I've had a semi-serious talk with DH about moving countries, me going back to work etc. I just need a change of scene

[BeNiceToYourSister]

Similar story here, although if I had 4 kids I’d honestly be in some sort of secure facility by now, so hats off to you OP! I too miss how exciting everything seemed in my 20s - literally nothing makes me feel anything more than calm contentment nowadays (which is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but those heady feelings of adventure and possibility are long gone, I fear). I’m hoping lots of 50+ women will be along soon to tell us how much better it gets... (please!?)

[RedTravellingSocks]

I'm in my mid-40s, have a lovely life with a wonderful dp and teenage ds, both of whom I adore, a well-paid, fulfilling job, a great house, fab friends. I count my many blessings every single day...and I still periodically want to chuck it all in and run off to be a yoga teacher in India. On my own.

I think it's normal, OP. Lockdown has temporarily narrowed all our horizons and made perfectly natural 'what if' moments seem even more intense than usual. But it's ok to crave a bit of change, as well. I'm trying to use this time to work out what I genuinely want out of life.

You are frankly amazing for managing all of this with 4 kids.

What small things could you realistically change at the moment? Start there and work up

[sugarlost]

Bored too.

No kids, no partner, no house...

[Ladywinesalot]

Same OP

I feel in the midst of a midlife crisis. Nothing wrong, roof over head, all happy & healthy.

But the zing has gone out of marriage, lots of friendships have fizzled out, I’m more cynical and im very dis satisfied with of lots of aspects of my life (family relationships)

I really don’t know how to change my life for the better.

I’d like to move to the other side of the world for an amazing adventure, but I have the responsibility to love and raise my dc so I never will.

I want more.

[Tumbleweed101]

Yep, feel the same. Early 40’s and have felt like this a couple of years. In fact lockdown has helped me a little as I’ve been able to pause a bit and take stock. I’m trying to get back into some interests that I had prior to meeting my ex and having children to get back to ‘me’ so I can decide what changes I need to make.

Lockdown has made me reassess friendships and family relationships and I will be putting less energy into some and more into others post lockdown.

I still don’t know what I want to do in life, feel like I’ve failed in so many ways and not sure how to move out of the rut.

[Poptart4]

@sugarlost

Bored too.

No kids, no partner, no house...

Which means oyour free to do whatever you want to do, when ever you want to do it. Make the most of it @sugarlost

[LightenUpSummer]

I heard a phrase once "Meaning is a jumper you have to knit yourself"

Ultimately you might argue there's no actual point to life. But that's too depressing. So somehow we have to make objectively pointless things feel subjectively important.

So that might be your career, making a lovely garden, training for a marathon, raising money, etc etc

[JustC]

I think all of us who have an average life will feel bored with it once in a while and wonder 'is this all?'. Lockdown is obviously not helping.

[Mary46]

Tough times agree. Feel I get in a rut too. Job was dead end havent been back. Nothing from boss. On a plus getting my errands done now that was on the to do list. I miss cinema and cafes. Op can you meet a friend? I find you need something to look forw to.