Posted in AIBU for traffic because it would be really helpful to hear people's thoughts...
I've always been susceptible to feeling really spooked out by anything to do with death or ghostly things at night. I have been like this for as long as I can remember and slept in a bunk bed in my brother's room until an embarrassing age, despite having my own bedroom- it always felt off and i'd get spooked out by a painting I thought was scary, that sort of thing.
I got better for a while living on my own in an end of terrace cottage, I felt really comfortable there and it has been the only place I've been able to fall asleep in the dark with no tv on.
I'm now a few months off turning 40 and live in a really ancient house with DH and DD 7 months but I keep getting awful intrusive thoughts about the elderly lady who lived and died here before we bought the property (another family lived here in between). For example, getting up for the loo in the night I imagine her standing behind the door, or being carried down the stairs and out of the house, dead. The thoughts are there in my head before I can stop them and I can literally feel the adrenaline fizzing through me. I imagine the other people who lived and died here (the house is 400 years old) and for ages after DD was born couldn't have her things in the oldest part of the house in case bad things had happened there.
It does seem to have got worse since having the baby, so I wonder if hormones have something to do with it. DH is loving and supportive but doesn't get it really.
As soon as daylight comes, I feel ok. It's like the light washes away every fear I have. I can't even sleep in the spare room or DDs nursery if it's dark, but in the light, I'm fine. I dread winter and the long dark nights (this was definitely worse immediately post-partum).
I confided in a friend to see if she ever had anything like it and her reply was 'no, that sort of thought has never entered my head'.
I feel like my life would be better if I wasn't this way and don't want DD to end up afraid of the dark, even though I'd try my best to keep it from her. I really thought I would just grow out of it one day, but I'm not going to am I? I'm ridiculous.
(Reading this back I imagine people saying why'd you buy an old house then? But my mum's house is 1960s build and I'm the same staying at my friend's in Scotland and that's a new build).
I suppose I'm just after some advice how I can get over this finally and stop these mad intrusive thoughts and fear of the dark.
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AIBU: I'm not going to grow out of this, am I?!
106 replies
glowingtwig · 07/06/2020 20:07
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