AIBU ski hol

[hedgehogfriendly]

Ok so, situation is this. Both DH and myself laid off during pandemic, v v lucky to say parents helping us out with bills that still need paying, doing work for them in return. DH announced that his mates (with families) are going on a ski hol in nov. He wants us to go to, sats he will have found a job by then and if not cancellation fee is £200 so is not too bad (im fully aware how privileged this sounds, please don't burn me for this, I don't agree with that stance). I don't want to go for 3 reasons.

1. Think it's a pisstake to be spending money we don't have on a hol, even if we have jobs by then we should be using it to repay shit.
2. The other family's kids are way older than my kids (mine are 4 and 7, theirs are more like teenagers). Don't think DH Has thought about fact that when his mates plus kids are skiing red slopes and in bars at night, ours won't be doing that so he'll not be able to bugger off every day with the older lot.
3. Still worried about Coronavirus. Not even sure if I'll be able to visit my vulnerable parents by Nov. Feeling nervous about booking hols this side of the new year.

AIBU to be nervous? Need a bit of a check on this maybe. So bloody confused by all the arguments. Could do with a range of opinions...

2.

[dontdisturbmenow]

Skiing in November? Where? Not much snow in November if at all most years.

[AriettyHomily]

Where are you going to go skiing in November?

[MinnieMountain]

Have any of your family skied before?

[hedgehogfriendly]

I said that about snow too .. he's now saying t might be December.. so think it's more a "let's book a trip" thing rather than "I've booked one already". DH has a habit of doing stuff with no communication then telling me what's happening which pisses me off a lot of the time, especially when the kids are involved. I can ski but not brilliant, but can get down an easy red maybe after a couple days on skis. Kids not ski'd before..

[LochJessMonster]

Skiing is probably the most expensive type of family holiday.
Skis, boot, pole, helmet hire
Lessons
Insurance
£250 per person for the lift pass for a week (So about £1000 just for the lift passes)
Travel
Accommodation
Food


It’s not feasible if you have both lost your job. And it won’t be a fun holiday for your children.

If he HAS to go, he goes alone and he pays for everything himself.

[BikeRunSki]

Don't think DH Has thought about fact that when his mates plus kids are skiing red slopes and in bars at night, ours won't be doing that so he'll not be able to bugger off every day with the older lot.

I suspect that may be his plan though

[hedgehogfriendly]

@bikerunski I fear you're right. Worried it'll be one argument after the other of "we'll I'll just do a couple of runs" then he'll be back after several apres skis whilst I've had to shoehorn the youngest into ski school (I know my kids, the eldest will like It, but prob 2h max, the youngest is tough but not brave and won't even sledge without a lot of persuasion... he's a definite weighed-upper-er..)
I'm now the "bad wife" being mean, denying the kids a holiday with friends and being over anxious about Coronavirus and money and logistics...

[hedgehogfriendly]

@lochjess bloody hell thats a lot. Only ever ski'd once and that was pre kids so totally out of touch with costs without researching it...

[MinnieMountain]

YANBU because you can't afford any holiday right now, let alone an expensive one like skiing.

On a more minor point, most 4 year olds don't enjoy skiing. You could put them in ski school for a week (more expense) to give yourselves time to ski together and they might well hate it.

DH has been taking DS skiing every year since he was 4. It's largely gone so well because DH is a very good skier and has DS on reigns between his legs.

If he's really that keen to ski, he can book something last minute once you're back on a sound financial footing.

[Doodar]

does he realise how expensive it will be?
lift passes
equipment hire
getting there
ski school
we speak 4-5k when we go for a week with 2 kids at feb half term
Plus all the ski clothing, for 4 of you even from Decathlon etc its going to add up.

I reckon he's edging to go with them on his own.

[Nottherealslimshady]

That's such a pisstake to your parents. How about, if you have money spare after you've repaid your parents you take your parents on holiday to say thankyou.

[Sarahsbiscuit]

Who knows whats gonna happen save up your money.

[hedgehogfriendly]

@nottherealslimshady
That's my point exactly.
Part of the problem is he's never wanted to much growing up and isn't used to the "no you can't" phrase even at the age of 42...

[hedgehogfriendly]

Wanted FOR much rather

[Doodar]

when we first started going years ago I signed DS up to ski school, 10-2 every day, 70 euros per day, he refused to go after day 2, that meant I had to cancel my ski lessons too. And we still had to pay for the lessons we didn't take.

[hedgehogfriendly]

Problem is there are 4 other families going.. all on at me to be OK with it, feel quite pressured.

[hedgehogfriendly]

@doodar
That's what I think will happen with my youngest. Even the eldest will be cold and soggy after 2 hours. Then what will we do? Prob me entertain them whilst he is off skiing..
I've suggested saving money and going at some point in the future with families if similar ages kids. It's not gone down well.

[Doodar]

Plus its Christmas and the expense of that too, stick to your guns.

[northernlittledonkey]

I’d go down the weekend can’t afford it’ route, stops you seeming to be the one blocking it & also people will understand.

[msbevvy]

If he does manage to get a new job before then how can he be sure of being granted time off so soon after starting?

[ChazP]

We go ski-ing most years. It’s our main holiday because it’s so expensive. We do a cheap and cheerful summer holiday to save up each year for ski-ing.

If you’re going with kids, you have to think really carefully about childcare. 2 hours of lessons does not give you much time to ski yourself. Plus if none of the other kids are in ski school your kids might not want to go. Last year our then 4 yr old had a major wobble after a scary 2nd day of ski school and refused to go back for a couple of days. You need to factor that risk in. (We managed to get him into kids club for a couple of hours so we could still ski).

Personally, I wouldn’t book something as expensive as a ski holiday on a whim. I really recommend it as a family holiday, but I would advise going with people with kids of similar age/experience to yours and I would book with a really reputable company with wraparound childcare. Maybe tell your husband that you’d consider it next year when you’ve had the chance to do some research and got back in your feet financially..?

Oh, and if I was a family member who had lent money and the found out a holiday had been booked, I think I’d be a bit peed off!

[Clariana]

We took our children from being 6 and 3, but they wouldn't go to ski school (hated being separated from us in a strange environment), so one of us had to be with them at all times on the nursery slope. They are teens now and great skiers though. BUT we never get change from £6,000 for a week for 4 of us and that's not to the really expensive resorts either, just normal ones.

I think it is a luxury you just can't afford at the moment.

[FinallyHere]

I might be tempted to suggest he take the kids himself. If he agrees, fair enough.

His arguments against this may help him to hear his expectations for how your holiday (child wrangling) will be different to how he imagines his own (skiing with friends).

Good luck

[hedgehogfriendly]

Thanks everyone, it's really helping me not feel like I'm being OTT. I get a stomach churn every time I even think about a holiday seeing how both sets of parents have been at helping us out of a sticky situation. We are definitely working for the money we are getting helped with, but it's a temp measure and we have obvs cancelled car payments, council tax etc, but that will prob have to be reinstated soon. I just hate how I'm vilified one this when it's becoming clear I'm not exactly crazy to be thinking this way.

[hedgehogfriendly]

@finallyhere I thought about that lol but I guarantee he would take them anyway, then try and either get a nonskiing friend to have them (which would be totally unfair) or try and find kids clubs (more expense) so he can have a lads hol while I am home in the uk on my own. I know he'd just book it for the three of them anyway. Which would be so stupid.