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I'm BAME and my mental health is going to pot

(86 Posts)
asmallplace Sat 06-Jun-20 20:53:53

I cry myself to sleep at night. I can't stop thinking about my black family in America who I worry about. I feel torn re my feelings about the protests. I can't handle the sheer number of comments using whataboutery and 'all lives matter' our 'well if black peoples just complied with the police'. I feel unwell. I can't listen to the news. I have to listen to my all white colleagues give their verging on racist opinions every day but feel powerless to say anything. I just feel ill. I feel overwhelmed. I'm so tired. Are there any other BAME people on here who feel the same? How are you coping?

OP’s posts: |
MissBaskinIfYoureNasty Sat 06-Jun-20 21:00:36

Snap. Coping by trying to avoid the news and any social media debate. I feel quite emotional drained by it all. I can't look at that photo of George anymore, I can't bite my tongue when I read 'all lives matter' from members of my own family on Facebook, I can't keep trying to negotiate and educate people like I'm trying to defend being born this colour. It's physically painful it's that upsetting.

asmallplace Sat 06-Jun-20 21:04:13

@MissBaskinIfYoureNasty I feel you. I am very aware of my blackness right now. I go to the shops and feel people looking at me. I'm almost waiting for someone to tell me my life matters. It's all so draining.

OP’s posts: |
ludothedog Sat 06-Jun-20 21:04:27

Sorry, not BAME...
Please practice self care. Switch off the news and stay off social media and internet. Spend time with those that understand and make you feel good, your family and friends.
You are not alone. In a crisis always look for the helpers, there are many.

Please take care of yourself flowersbrewcake

Teacher12345 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:05:20

Sorry you feel like this OP. Of course saying all live matter is going to upset you. It suggests that you aren’t being treated differently and of course black people are treated differently and atrociously at that!

Lockeduporknockedup Sat 06-Jun-20 21:06:38

I'm black. You need to find yourself new people. Avoid the news, speak to your family, stay strong. Seek help, read, listen to music, look for the helpers in everything you see.

OhSoSickOfIt Sat 06-Jun-20 21:07:02

Me too OP. I’ve found it best to take time away from social media, the news etc. If I do go on it I’ll limit the time spent and avoid certain subjects on mumsnet. I want to say that it will get better for those of us who are BAME, but we just don’t know. The only thing we do know is that we need to look after our own mental and physical health right now.

m0therofdragons Sat 06-Jun-20 21:09:16

Things are scary right now but I’m hopeful changes will come from this. I’m white and do not understand how anyone of my generation can be racist yet they are. Please know that I hear you... many of us hear you and we want change too. You matter.

KnitFastDieWarm Sat 06-Jun-20 21:11:42

I can’t even imagine how enraging and terrifying this is for you. Please look after yourself. I see you and I hear you flowers x

asmallplace Sat 06-Jun-20 21:11:56

I feel guilty for wanting to switch off

OP’s posts: |
OrangeGinLemonFanta Sat 06-Jun-20 21:13:16

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I saw this article, maybe it has some tips that might help (the article is by, and for, black people)

R1R2 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:17:04


I feel guilty for wanting to switch off

You're allowed to switch off if you want too.

GreytExpectations Sat 06-Jun-20 21:17:22

I'm so sorry you are going through that, OP. It sounds awful and I completely understand why your mental health must be bad right now. It's important to practice self care, switch off the news and take some time away from social media. Also consider the people who you are talking to, if they are not understanding and are being racist just shut them down and find better people. Please relax and take care of yourself flowers

Firstworddinosaur Sat 06-Jun-20 21:18:06

Be kind to yourself OP, stay off social media and give yourself head space. Avoiding colleagues and their racist ignorant remarks is harder, I admit. Hopefully some good will come out of all this pain x

Babyfg Sat 06-Jun-20 21:25:37

It's not your job or responsibility to carry the whole weight of the black lives matter movement. The whole movement takes different roles. For some it's protesting, for others it's social media post, for some it's surviving and succeeding in a career or job (overcoming intuitional racism on a daily basis) or surviving in a world where you have to constantly bite your tongue.

This is not going to change overnight. There is a long battle ahead. You shouldn't feel bad about switching off. Being switched on the whole time is not sustainable.self care is important (and part of that self care might be ranting on a forum like this to get it off your chest).

TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair Sat 06-Jun-20 21:30:00

I can't really imagine how this feels for you. Be gentle with yourself, it's bound to be very difficult at the moment. It shouldn't be like this in 2020 and I am so sorry it is.

ProfessorRadcliffeEmerson Sat 06-Jun-20 21:32:14

I'm also BAME. I'm switching off from this for my own mental health. There's nothing I can do and my stress levels are through the roof already (WFH and managing a team, homeschooling, DD's mental health, not knowing when school will start again). I feel guilty, because I'm economically privileged and feel I ought to be doing more, but then I think the white guys I work with aren't losing sleep over it, so why should I? It's yet another extra pressure on me as a BAME woman that they don't have to deal with.

dodgeballchamp Sat 06-Jun-20 21:33:22

I’m not BAME so I know I’ll never understand what it feels like but just know I’m appalled by what’s happening in the US, how pervasive systemic racism is, and you have my full support. Take care of yourself and don’t feel guilty for needing some time out

CaraDune Sat 06-Jun-20 21:35:00

I won't insult you by pretending I know how you feel, because clearly I don't, but I will offer you a hand hold and flowers and a listening ear. And I will say that I believe you when you tell me it's shit for you at the moment - because it is, and I will do my best not to brush that under the carpet, or awkwardly try to change the subject.

Laaf80 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:36:41

Snap. I’m terrified. For myself, my husband and my child.

I keep envisioning all sorts of unhealthy situations reminiscent of Handmaids tale or round ups in history.

I’m scared, not sleeping and on tenderhooks waiting for the black lash.

I’m censoring my social media, how much time I spend reading/watching news. I’m watching trash TV. I’m spending virtual time with my friends and family With restrictions on what we discuss.
These actions have helped.

You are not alone in feeling this way.

Take care of yourself. This is an anxious time for everyone

Laaf80 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:41:43

Oh and don’t be scared to say ‘I’m not discussing this with you’ in response to the whattaboutery or any other such bollocks.

I’ve decided, I’m not responsible for educating people or changing their minds at the risk of my own mental health. They are not going to listen to me anyway I’m just another ‘black‘ to them so what’s the point.

Paperchainpopp Sat 06-Jun-20 21:42:18

Look at the positives people who you thought you knew will now really be coming out with how they feel on the matter. To be honest I’d rather it be that way people make it known how they felt and we all know where we stand. Try not to stress OP switch off engage in a book or something you cannot be responsible for someone else’s ignorance and you cannot educate those who don’t want to be educated either.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts Sat 06-Jun-20 21:43:05

I understand how you feel OP. It has been an emotional drain. I also feel guilty about not attending the protests in London. I was completely torn between showing solidarity and recognising we are in a pandemic. The pictures I was sent showed no examples of social distancing. I don't know how that could have been achieved.
I think switching off is healthy. And finding that safe space.
Be well 🖤

Incrediblytired Sat 06-Jun-20 21:43:18

I’m so sorry this is happening.

Redleathertrousers Sat 06-Jun-20 21:46:08

I'm sorry you are struggling. I agree with others that you should consider taking a break from social media guilt free. It's all a bit much right now on social media with every other post about this and it can become too heavy.

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