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To not be guilted into going to my cities BLM protests?

(86 Posts)
PublishedEgg Sat 06-Jun-20 15:43:02

I have relatives who I'm close to that are black. They are obviously really devastated about everything that is going on, we all are. I've been speaking with them a lot in the past few weeks and listening to everything they have to say. We're having lots of conversations.

However, one family member in particular is saying if we don't attend protests that have been organised, we obviously don't care about her and she wants nothing more to do with us as we clearly don't put actions to our words.

AIBU to not feel guilted into going to this? I am very supportive of the BLM movement, I care about my family members a great deal and have been doing various things to support it, both generally and in my own life. However I don't feel comfortable going to a mass gathering right now in the middle of a city centre (I am also pregnant, early though). AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
VickyEadieofThigh Sat 06-Jun-20 15:47:31

Maybe point out that BAME people are significantly more affected by C19, so an increase in infections likely to result from these mass gatherings will negatively affect BAME people more.

There are many ways of supporting this movement - driving up the infection rate doesn't seem to me to be a good thing.

PublishedEgg Sat 06-Jun-20 15:49:49

I'm just looking at the pictures now (there's one today and another tomorrow) and it doesn't look like anyone is really distancing.

OP’s posts: |
janeskettle Sat 06-Jun-20 15:52:59

City protest here today with 10 000+ people, there was no social distancing possible.

People were not obeying health advice for protesters to limit risk. This included: masking, staying 1.5m apart from others not in your small group, not shouting, being stationary, no singing.

I donated to a relevant charity in lieu of attendance.

AgeLikeWine Sat 06-Jun-20 15:53:23

Attending a large, non socially-distanced protest at the moment is extremely stupid, however valid the cause.

heartsonacake Sat 06-Jun-20 15:53:26


I’d just say “It’s a shame you feel like that.” and tell her to crack on.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned Sat 06-Jun-20 15:56:06

Does your relative know you are pregnant? Might be worth using that card.

PinkiOcelot Sat 06-Jun-20 15:56:22

Definitely not being unreasonable to not attend. I think your family member is being a bit ridiculous tbh, but guess that’s her choice. Any mass gathering at the moment is ridiculous and should not be going ahead.

Rocaille Sat 06-Jun-20 15:56:49

This is the second thread today about vulnerable people being shamed and cajoled into attending BLM protests taking place during the lockdown.

Please OP, put your health and that of your unborn child first. You have every right to do so, and hopefully your relative will realise that eventually. If not, too bad: your baby's life is much more important than this woman's opinion of you.

Mintjulia Sat 06-Jun-20 16:06:10

It is up to you how you express yourself and how you run your life.

If your relatives can’t accept your freely expressed view that you don’t want to attend a protest then they have no respect for you and should be ignored. It is bullying by any other name.

PublishedEgg Sat 06-Jun-20 16:07:33


Does your relative know you are pregnant? Might be worth using that card.

No they don't. I didn't really want to tell anyone yet to be honest but maybe I will.

OP’s posts: |
LusciousV Sat 06-Jun-20 16:10:56

You don't need to tell them to justify yourself OP. The fact you don't want to go against government advice and break social distancing rules is reason enough x

richele4 Sat 06-Jun-20 16:11:53

I feel the same. I saw a post that said if you don't go to the protests then you are racist. I was livid. I really want change to happen and am disgusted by everything that's been going on BUT if i don't feel comfortable going to the protest then I won't. I too, am pregnant

Tianalia Sat 06-Jun-20 16:14:38

If you don't want to go then don't go. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone or do something you don't want to do. If your relative wants to try and manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do by threats of not talking to you again, then let her get on with it.

Fairyliz Sat 06-Jun-20 16:18:16

No don’t go put your child first like any good mother would. Things need to change but I’m not sure what these protests will do except cause more deaths from Covid in the BAME community.

PublishedEgg Sat 06-Jun-20 16:21:55

Thanks. I'm not going. It's just such a shame if we do end up not speaking due to this.

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Tianalia Sat 06-Jun-20 16:24:39

Thanks. I'm not going. It's just such a shame if we do end up not speaking due to this.

Maybe so, but that's her choice. It's not you issuing threats to end the relationship.

Tappering Sat 06-Jun-20 16:26:00


Am a seasoned protest marcher and under normal circumstances I would be out there. But the R rate in the NW is now over 1 and I don't think it's a good idea to go to a mass gathering at the moment.

Bluemoooon Sat 06-Jun-20 16:28:11

It's the US that needs to sort out its police and gun laws, the number of black people who go to jail, the number of lives that are lost for no reason.

I agree there is racism in the UK but I hate that people pretend we have the same problems here which we do not.

VenusTiger Sat 06-Jun-20 16:32:31

I support alot of things that I don't attend - doesn't stop me supporting it. I buy fairtrade chocolate, bananas, coffee and tea - I don't go to any protests though. You're supporting the movement OP and you're clearly not racist from your OP, so don't be guilt-tripped into anything. Misplaced guilt is a danger to mental health.

Moondust001 Sat 06-Jun-20 16:33:30

This is the second thread today about vulnerable people being shamed and cajoled into attending BLM protests taking place during the lockdown.

Nobody should be at the protests, and trying to guilt trip anyone into going by calling them a racist is reprehensible. These protests are illegal. That's not because of an authoritarian fascist state that wants to suppress opposition. If it were, I'd be on the streets. Risking ones own life for a cause, for justice, is something anyone would have to think worthwhile. But this is playing russian roulette with your own life and that of everyone around you, from a disease that doesn't give a shit what colour your skin is, but very definitely, for yet unknown reasons, disproportionately kills ethnic minorities regardless of age or underlying health conditions. You don't effect political change by dying in a hospital coughing your lungs up.

I am the last person to support much of the coronaviris hysteria going around, but seriously, the people who are most likely to be harmed by these irresponsible protests are those for whom they say they are protesting. How the hell does that help anyone?

MrsNettle Sat 06-Jun-20 16:34:04

Op, I'm white, my OH is black. We live in a part of UK with daily covid deaths counted in single digits (for the whole region!). So the risk is minimal. I wanted to go but my OH was against it due to the pandemic. I could have gone anyway but it would have been dishonest somehow. I'm making a small donation instead. Could you do something similar? Not to appease your relative but to actually do something. Maybe buy a book by a BAME writer, switch to supporting a black business if there is one near you?

Luxplus Sat 06-Jun-20 16:44:13

My dh is Asian and our 2 dds are half Asian.. I fully support the movement behind but won't go to any demonstration at the moment. It's not safe and there's many ways to support...

Bunkbedpeople Sat 06-Jun-20 16:45:47

I’m BME and racism is part of life I deal with .

If you want to not go to the protest because you want to sit and buy clothes online or sleep in or you just DON’TWANT to you don’t have to go.

And you don’t need to give your relative a reason - I’d assess my contact with her as she sounds controlling as fuck.

category12 Sat 06-Jun-20 16:47:26

Tell her you're pregnant.

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