This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Aibu to always feel left out.(4 Posts)
Hi, I’m nearly 30 and have children myself. Moved out of my mums home when I was quite young (about 18) so have been moved out for a long time. I’ve lived with my partner for 7 years.
My mum had me quite young. I never had my bio dad around if that’s relevant.
My mum married don’t stepdad when I was younger and they had 2 children who are they a teenagers. One in late teens and the other still in school.
Now, I totally get that two teenagers are going to need more attention than care than me and I don’t expect the same level of care of course. I’ve always been quite independent since a young age (had to be) and I’ve got my own little family, my own home and really settled in life generally.
But I’ve always felt left out. Ever since my sisters were young. It was all about them. I know younger children need more attention. But I never had any time with my mum when I was a teen or now myself. My friends were going out for lunch, coffee, shopping, cinema with my mum and I’ve never had that not even now my sisters are older. My mum isn’t the type of person you can just turn up to her house for a chat.
All she does is talk about my sisters and how good they are. They go out and do things (obviously not much right now due to Covid) I’m never invited. I don’t know why. I’m not a terrible person. I think I’m quite nice (I hope so anyway 🤣) I have some good friends just lack a family bond other than my own little family.
They seem to have this perfect family unit. My mum, my stepdad and my sisters and I’m just the outsider. Me and my stepdad didn’t get on when I was a teenager. My mum often took his side but he could be really horrible at times and I’ve never been able to stand up for myself. I let people talk to me like crap.
I envy people who have this amazing relationship with their parents. I only had my mum and we lack this. My mil has this incredible relationship with all her children. His siblings are considerably younger than him but she seems to make time for them all.
Maybe I’m just a little jealous. At my older of the two sisters age I had to work and earn it if I wanted a new phone, clothes or driving lessons but she gets everything snd has never had a Job and refuses to get one.
Aibu to feel this way or am I acting a bit entitled. Do I sound jealous? Or am I just craving some kind of family relationship?
Considering moving away wondering if it will help me get over it and just focus on my own family.
Does your Mum feel like she has to "sell" your half-siblings to you, so you see their attractive side & want to be with them?
Perhaps she feels a bit guilty for having a 2nd family & doesn't want you to feel rejected or excluded from their lives?
Perhaps she doesn't think that you would have time to, or even be interested in, going anywhere with them especially as you have your own children to accommodate? Perhaps she doesn't want to be turned down if she offers?
Obviously there are some conflicting points there but these things get complex in one's mind & over a long time.
Regarding money, it is just different that she has more now than when you were a child - and yes, her younger children are extremely fortunate that they are able to enjoy the benefits of that. Just ignore it, you can't change it, you've got more important things in your life.
I'm sure you are lovely, OP, and that most of this comes from her - please don't feel negatively about yourself as a result of her remarrying. You have friends & your own family, focus on them - they deserve you.
Personally I think it would be sad if you moved away in order to fix this; it wouldn't and you'd eventually be left in a similar situation but with worse communication & more complex travel! Stay where you are, live your life your way, and love your little family & friends as they love you.
A few extra points -
That made way more sense with paragraphs.
My Mum has never been a chatty, friendly Mum; some are, some aren't - ours aren't!
Your SD was a shit for treating you badly as a kid. Not your fault, he was the adult & he failed.
I think this happens a lot - the next family becomes the family unit and the first set of kids get pushed out of the way. I actually really judge parents who do this and think they are a bit crap. The best way to deal with families is to treat everyone fairly. You said your MIL is really nice so that is good and cherish your own children and family.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Get started »
Please login first.