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Exotic holiday with mum. Leave husband/kids behind?

(125 Posts)
MissMudskipper Sat 06-Jun-20 00:00:30

It's my 40th next year and my mum has always said she'd love to take me away abroad as a girls holiday her treat. Bear in mind I'm married with 2 kids. My dad is retired and put on a lot of weight since doing so. He's told my mum he cant cope with any long haul flights now.

I've mentioned it in passing before about going away maybe to my husband whose never been too keen on the idea.

Today, mum rang and said she'd found a deal in a location I've always dreamt of going but couldnt with the kids as it's more adult orientated. It's a long haul flight around 10 hours or so. I said I'd have to discuss it with husband. She said it would be 14 nights which immediately I said I couldn't be away for that long it would need to be 7 at the most. Kids will be 6 and 11 at this point. She was looking at August (my birthday is September).

So as not to drip feed we plan on going abroad on a family holiday next Ocyober half term - me, husband and kids. We also need to rearrange our long weekend away as his 40th was in May but that didnt happen due to lockdown.

Tried to discuss it reasonably this evening. I knew it wouldnt get well. I asked him for his thoughts to which he got annoyed (as expected) saying he thought I was selfish as well as my mum. I understand this as I know the kids would be upset and I'd miss them loads! He told me if I went I might as well stay there. He then calmed down and said he thought my mum was always trying to do one better and I should go if I really wanted. He wouldn't stop me.

I know theres so much going on in the world right now. I just needed to know what peoples thought's were. I'd love to go but not to the cost of my marriage and upsetting the kids. Sorry for the long post didnt want to drip feed!!

Would I be completely unreasonable on my family to go?

OP’s posts: |
Twigletfairy Sat 06-Jun-20 00:02:25

I don't think you would be unreasonable to go on a holiday with your mum. It's not like you're scarificing a family holiday so you could go. Your husband sounds jealous

BuffaloCauliflower Sat 06-Jun-20 00:04:26

Your husband sounds jealous and fragile. Honestly he should be excited for you! I’d love a holiday away with just my mum, paid for. No reason he can’t cope for a couple of weeks, 6 and 11 is not that little. Go and enjoy yourself!

Haretodaygonetomorrow Sat 06-Jun-20 00:04:39

Go. Have a lovely time and make some brilliant memories with your Mum. Your DH’s sulking is really quite selfish and childish, wouldn’t he like you to go and enjoy yourself?

surlycurly Sat 06-Jun-20 00:05:33

It sound like there is more to it in terms of the relationship between your husband and your mum. What are the implications re time off/ childcare etc? Will he have to take time off work etc? Don't get me wrong I think in principle it's fine, but I do think two weeks is quite long. If a guy on here said he was going to leave his wife alone with the kids for a fortnight to go on a jolly, he'd be thrown to the wolves!!

ButteryPuffin Sat 06-Jun-20 00:07:41

Is there a back story here? I don't see why one week away with your mum as a one off would be a problem. It would be different if you were always going away with other people but your husband never got to. Or if it meant giving up your family holiday.

What actual reasons does your husband have for not liking the idea? The kids will miss you but it's not like you'll be in prison or away forever.

MissMudskipper Sat 06-Jun-20 00:10:10

[surlycurly] yes I've seen enough of MN to know a mum would be thrown to the wolves for this!! grin That's why I told my mum if it happened it would have to be 7 nights. It would be during the summer holidays so yes husband would need to take time off.

OP’s posts: |
AlCalavicci Sat 06-Jun-20 00:10:20

It sounds like once in a life time kind of holiday , you could skype / face time the DCs .
As a bonus it will make your DH realise just how much work goes into running a home .

Win -win i think

ButteryPuffin Sat 06-Jun-20 00:12:16

I think a week is perfectly reasonable.

Does he not normally do any childcare in the school holidays? Do you both work?

AlCalavicci Sat 06-Jun-20 00:13:20

If money will allow could your DH go on a holiday with his Ddad or mates for a week to even things out ?

MissMudskipper Sat 06-Jun-20 00:18:39

ButteryPuffin no back story - never been away before without him or the kids. I completely agree 14 days would be too long. We couldn't afford to go as a family so think when he's said he feels my mum is always trying to do better than us (which she isnt - they've worked hard and have a good standard of living) maybe he feels not good enough??

OP’s posts: |
MissMudskipper Sat 06-Jun-20 00:21:18

ButteryPuffin we both work. Him full time and me part. My work fits in around the school run so I do the drop off and pick up. School holidays usually I take time off with the kids or my parents will have them. He will sometimes take a week off here and there but I do tend to do the majority.

OP’s posts: |
MissMudskipper Sat 06-Jun-20 00:23:50

AlCalavicci I think it doesnt help that he doesnt have much of a social life anymore so not really anyone for him to go away with. Also, his family arent very family oriented which mine are which I think could be the reason why he seems to have this attitude.

OP’s posts: |
shiningstar2 Sat 06-Jun-20 00:59:30

If I'm being totally honest I think this is a difficult one. I can really see why this would be great for you ...fabulous time in great location with your mum ...but not so great for him. If he works full time then he probably only gets 4 or 5 weeks holiday a year. I can see why spending a week of that doing 24 hour childcare alone during the school holidays isn't very attractive to him. There is a big difference doing this during the day with adult company at night and if he works hard and you can't afford to give him the same opportunity then i can see why he might be resentful.
On the other hand, I can totally see why this is an opportunity not to be missed for you. It is a one off, for a special birthday and when you have kids an opportunity for an adult only holiday is a rare and exciting treat.
My daughter is in her 40s and almost every year for the last 10 years we have gone away for a 2 night spa break in this country. My treat. We both really look forward to it. Dd's dh has always been fine with this and they also have 2 kids but I know he wouldn't be fine with anything more. Over the years of course our breaks add up to more than the 7 days at once you are proposing but they have been spread out. Good luck with this idea op. I hope you get to go but I personally wouldn't want to do anything with my daughter which might cause a long standing issue with my sil or have him resentfully looking after the children. If it looks as if it isn't a goer could you compromise with maybe a 4 day med break? I know it's not the same but maybe better that than a longer, more exotic break which is spoilt for you because of dh's feelings about it. flowers

Howmuchlongercanthislast Sat 06-Jun-20 01:43:03

7 days for a 10 hour flight will be hard going. Are you flying east or west? Jet lag needs to be factored in, plus at least one flight will be overnight- so you would possibly only be there for 5 nights?

midwestsummer Sat 06-Jun-20 01:47:44

It sounds fine.
In fact if DH doesn't do that much childcare it's a good opportunity for him to spend one to one time with them.
Go, enjoy and make some memories with your mum.

spaghettios Sat 06-Jun-20 01:55:23

Sounds fine to me. I have been on a 2 week holiday with friends, and DH had a 3 week holiday booked this year with friends (which obviously had to be cancelled, poor bastard).

We are happy for each other when we do fun things like that!

IMO, the break from the non-stop Groundhog Day is good for the soul.

IdblowJonSnow Sat 06-Jun-20 02:15:29

You've already suggested a compromise of 7 nights which is fair.
Tbh tho you might really miss your kids (less so the sulky husband). I was away last year w a friend for 3/4 days and I really struggled. Just thought I'd add that as you've not been away from them before.
Otherwise it sounds like a lovely treat.

Stompythedinosaur Sat 06-Jun-20 02:21:41

I'm amazed that your th would try and stop you going o such a fantastic opportunity. It's only a week!

blubellsarebells Sat 06-Jun-20 02:22:00

Id go.
Wouldn't really like a man telling me where i can and cant go.
Im sure he can look after his own kids for a week or 10 days.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 06-Jun-20 02:28:33

He told me if I went I might as well stay there.

That is not OK. I went away for longer with my mum when DD was younger. DH coped and was great. He went to Vegas with friends a few months afterwards. Everyone survives.

IJumpedAboardAPirateShip Sat 06-Jun-20 02:45:28

I think he’s being mean and selfish. If it were me or DH we would be very happy for the other one to be treated so kindly by our mums. A week is fine

1300cakes Sat 06-Jun-20 02:57:54

I think it's fine for you to go. You said your DH doesn't have any family or friends who would be interested in doing the same thing with him, but there are other options. How about him going away by himself, or going on a tour if that's something he'd like. What about if he just went for a weekend but was free to spend the same amount (eg, he could go to see a show and get front row tickets).

timeisnotaline Sat 06-Jun-20 03:18:08

This is completely reasonable! Yes it will be a long week but If I had always done the drop off and pick up and most of the holidays and my dh thought it unreasonable i take a week holiday I’d be extremely unimpressed. Tell him you might love it so much you want to swap job roles when you get back and he can do drop off and pick up and holidays grin

EasyPeasyHappyCheesy Sat 06-Jun-20 03:24:06

Do you have to go in summer holidays? Can't you go during school so that he doesn't have to use up a week of his annual leave

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