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Do you look after yourself?

(70 Posts)
pooeylouie Thu 04-Jun-20 19:31:01

I have a two year old and since becoming a mum, have completely stopped looking after myself. I work full time and I can count on two hands the number of times DS has woken after 5am each morning; despite trying everything have concluded he’s just a naturally early riser. By the time DS is in bed I’m so tired I just stuff myself with crap food, as it’s quick and easy and I’m ready to just chill. I’m 5 stone heavier than my lightest weight, 5 years ago and just feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I wish I cared about myself enough to look after myself and for some reason, even the will to do it for my son isn’t enough!! I even put off having showers as it means I have to look at my body, stretch marks and c section pouch! It’s such a sad state of affairs! Do you all look after yourself and how? Do you enjoy it? Why do you do it? Have you always looked after yourselves?

OP’s posts: |
Randomness12 Thu 04-Jun-20 19:41:02

Hi OP I have a 3.5 year old, and feel a bit like this although not quite as extreme. I work and when I’m at work I very much look after myself, hair and make up, showers, clothes, jewellery etc plus heels. Then nail varnish every so often too. I enjoy it, and I like to look nice. However, when I’m at home it’s a different story and it does get me down. I’m heavier than I should be (about 3 stone) so put off buying causal clothes for home so just slob around in pjs with no make up etc. I do feel a lot better at work....

elgreco Thu 04-Jun-20 19:42:38

No I don't, I have no energy.

BackBoiler Thu 04-Jun-20 19:48:38

I didn't but now I do. I dont wear make up if i am staying in but I do try and eat well (not necessarily low calorie but I go for nutrition) and I recently lost 2st. I make sure I am moisturising etc and it does help when I am going somewhere. I am feeling a little bloaty as I have a reduced exercise regime at the moment and I'm not taking the kids to activities in the evening therefore not rushing around

Footywife Thu 04-Jun-20 20:11:21

Always have. You are just as important as everyone else.

Could you do some fun exercise with little one in a morning? Even just dancing round the room is something.

I completely understand being tired by the time little one is in bed, but you could try yoga which isn't as tiring and is really relaxing.

You're just out of the habit of looking after yourself that's all. Try to start using some nice moisturiser after your shower....maybe something like Dove Summer Glow. Trust me, stretch marks and stuff look so much better with a bit of a tan. It only takes ten minutes in a morning to put a little bit of make up on. Get your clothes sorted the night before.

Believe in yourself. You can do this! Remember....YOU are important too 😊

flirtygirl Thu 04-Jun-20 20:15:15

Fat or not. You should do self care if it makes you feel better.

It should have nothing to do with your weight. Look after yourself as no one else will.

raspberryjamlove Thu 04-Jun-20 20:15:55

Could have written this myself! Was literally thinking today I really need to sort myself out before I go past a point of no return sad it's so hard though with toddlers who don't sleep (mine also a 2 year old early riser!). I have good intentions in the morning but by evening I'm done! Xx

Fandoozle1 Thu 04-Jun-20 20:17:50

I could.have written your post OP
Six and a half years as a parent to clingy kids, and I can honestly say I have no time to look nice or make an effort. I have done my eyebrows about ten times in that time, dyed my hair about three times, I haven't exercised due to not having time with work, commuting, pnd, looking after relatives etc.
I am mid 30s but I look and feel alot older. I miss being happy with myself and taking pride in my appearance, I'm just stumbling through life like a plain, pudgy mess.

Caffeineprincess Thu 04-Jun-20 20:23:33

Yes I do. My DS is nearly 3 and wakes a 5 am everyday too...I’m also a single mum..
I work 4 days a week and DS is with his dad every other Sunday.

I eat well, and I compete in boxing, I train in my lunch break and go for a run after nursery drop off and sometimes do a 30 min HIIT session after bedtime. So am in good shape.

I wear make up half the week I guess, go to the salon maybe once a year...I prioritise fitness over beauty treatments but enjoy looking good.

You’ve got to take care of you.

Dozer Thu 04-Jun-20 20:27:32

Sorry you’re in a bad way. flowers

I got to a bad place with small DC and made some changes, primarily for health reasons. Took a good while, and DC getting bigger helped.

I initially prioritised sleep, exercise. The food and making baby steps to work on bingeing took much longer and still not there yet. wish had started work on that sooner!

Got DH to do more domestics, cut every corner at work and still have v little social life. Can’t do it all.

TheSheepofWallSt Thu 04-Jun-20 20:32:52

This really resonates with me. Every word. No advice only flowers

Likefootball Thu 04-Jun-20 20:34:44

Look after yourself, you're worth it !

Juliet2014 Thu 04-Jun-20 20:46:48

Absolutely I do.
Single mother of 10 and 7 year old.
However I always have, always.

I am going to be brutal. I suspect that some mothers “blame” their weight gain on children when in fact it is just one of a list of contributory factors.

You say your child is 2 and refer to your lightest weight 4 years ago. So you were presumably gaining weight for a couple of years before falling pregnant with your child?

ActuallyItsEugene Thu 04-Jun-20 20:47:42

I do OP. I have insomnia and 4yo who wakes early every day.

It's so important to do something for you. I had to force myself to start my new routine, but I feel so much better for it.

Things like;
- Making time for a nice, hot bubble bath every night.
I tidy up as I go along with the day. Once DD's in bed I start running my bath and do a few bits whilst it's running.
Once it's ready I get my iPad, a candle and soak for a good 30mins (sometimes longer.)

- Skincare. Quick routine for the morning (face wash, moisturiser with spf, eye roll on, eye brightening drops and lip balm) and a more thorough full body pamper for the night.

- MakeUp. I force myself to put it on because I feel so much better when I do. Full makeup too.

I do my nails, look after my hair, fake tan every other night, exfoliate in between, keep on top of my brows and lashes.
When going out I always try and dress nice, but casual - I try not to leave the house in gym leggings and a hoodie, as much as I want too. Not for anyone else, for me.

It seems a mammoth task when you've not put yourself first for so long, but break it down. Do a little bit of self-care each day until you build a routine that's sustainable and (most importantly) enjoyable for you.
You deserve it op. winethanks

Samtsirch Thu 04-Jun-20 21:00:18

All I can say is that it does get easier as they get older.
It took me 3 years to lose my «baby weight «😊
Now they are grown up I’d say I look after myself 80% of the time, I could be thinner / fitter / healthier, but enjoy food and wine and the occasional duvet day too much.
Although the duvet / lazy days are a lot more common in recent months.

pooeylouie Thu 04-Jun-20 21:05:08

Really interesting replies- and also so many that feel the same way.

Juliet2014 you may regret opening that can of worms! Quite right... I was gaining weight for some time before the birth of my son. After deciding to try for a baby, my partner and I unfortunately suffered 2 TFMRs quite late into both pregnancies. I became deeply depressed after having to give birth to two deceased babies and yes... I’m a classic comfort eater, I’m aware of it and I want to find another way to cope with difficult feelings. Not trying to guilt trip, but responding to the (incorrect) assumption/implication around blame etc.

OP’s posts: |
EmeraldShamrock Thu 04-Jun-20 21:09:46

Not so much lately.
Pre lockdown each week I'd apply tan, give my eyebrows a pluck put shellac on.
I haven't done my nails since March I've done my eyebrows twice.
Hopefully this thread will motivate me I feel like a dead fish. grin

tartanbow Thu 04-Jun-20 21:12:03

I have a 6 month old and yes I do. but I'm quite young - 25 - and I think a lot of my motivation is that my friends and partner are attractive so couldn't bear it if I let myself go as shallow as it sounds.

it just sounds like you're in a bit of a rut

I exercise with my dd, not for everyone but I have a jogging pram

I plan my meals on a Sunday for the week

I drink lots of water because it makes me feel less tired

make sure I get extra sleep over the weekend when partner is off and can take over

i also have a bubble bath every night

set yourself a goal OP, doesn't have to be unrealistic. simple as - 2 days this week I am going to cook a proper home cooked meal or this week I am only going to drink water. you get the idea - baby steps!

EmeraldShamrock Thu 04-Jun-20 21:13:58

To OP sorry I got carried away above. I lost interest when my 2nd was small but I was feeling shit so I didn't care that I looked shit too. Take time for yourself for a boost.

pooeylouie Thu 04-Jun-20 21:15:32

I defo think it’s a mental health thing for me- I don’t think I’m worth looking after so why bother. Sounds really sad to type that out and would break my heart if my child ever felt that he wasn’t worth being taken care of- so why can’t I have that empathy/feeling of worth for myself. Weird isn’t it.

OP’s posts: |
tartanbow Thu 04-Jun-20 21:19:44

it does sound like mental health which definitely isnt helped by being tired or eating poorly. sorry to read about your two losses, that must of been dreadful.

like I said, small steps can go a long way

DamnYankee Thu 04-Jun-20 21:20:26

Yes!
Small steps? A least a shower every day.

BeardyButton Thu 04-Jun-20 21:23:23

Christ OP youve been through the ringer. You deserve a prize. And you deserve to feel better about yourself.

No blame here - Im putting mine to bed while fantasising about choc vienese bickies I bought from m and s today.

But you do deserve to 'look after yourself'. If that means a bicky, then go for for it. But if you dont feel at home in your body, then you do need to do smt about that.

I find this hard too. I have been where you are now (gained 4 and half stone while preggo). Im not going to claim that I lost it all and am goddess like and love myself. But most days I can tolerate a picture of myself without crying.

What worked? I started w skincare. The ordinary for me and double cleansing (like a mini facial and makes me feel good). Drink a pint of water when i wake up and try to sip throughout day.

I bought a lumea. Best thing ever. I was a hairy beast. Eye watering expensive. But bloody worth it.

And a bit of yoga. I like Adrienne on youtube.

But you know OP. Be kind to yourself. Theres a lot of people out there who are slim and polished and hate themselves. You may recognise them on mumsnet - they tend to be unkind to others also.

Try to realise you are worth loving yourself. And try to realise that life battered you a bit, but you persevered. Everytime you look at that toddler, realise - You. Made. That. That smallie you love so much - the body you despise made it. How amazing is that?!

EmeraldShamrock Thu 04-Jun-20 21:26:02

Pre lockdown when DS got older. I got into the routine no matter how tired I felt I'd push myself to do 5 things for me, one even one a day so no daily pressure.
First iron some outfits, over the week I'd
Paint nails - pluck tint eyebrows - facial -moisturiser - tan, eventually I felt better and wanted to do it more.

ActuallyItsEugene Thu 04-Jun-20 21:26:04

Could you maybe do one thing a day?

Monday - Long bath
Tuesday - Some sort of skincare
Wednesday - Nails
Thursday - Brows
Friday - Tan/Skincare
Saturday - Bath
Sunday - Nails

Obviously slot in your own things, but do one thing each night (doesn't even have to take long) that makes you feel great.
I find that even just a shower, hair wash and moisturising my face makes me feel so much better on a crappy day.
Just small things to start you off - once your in the swing of it add to your routine and try to stick to doing the same things in the same pattern.
That's exactly what I've done and it's become almost second nature.
I wake up and look forward to what I'm going to do that night.

I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It's dreadful sad
Please take care.

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