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AIBU or is there a kinder, simpler way - inheritance(140 Posts)
Have NC for privacy.
My parents have a business and premises, they are in their 70s. Dad recently had a cancer scare.
Me & my sibling are in our 40s. Not close.
Sibling has chequered past, back living at home, works in the business. Is an alcoholic, lost driving licence etc. Mum refuses to see any of it, actually enables their drinking. Sibling has no children, has partner with own home. Partner has dependent children in their twenties. (!)
I left home ASAP, uni, good job, married, divorced, have children, single, independent.
Dad wants business to go to sibling and some cash & small rental property to me. M&D say they know it is unequal but if they don't leave it to sibling, sibling will be homeless and not have a job.
Obviously I don't want this either, but am concerned that sibling becomes very vulnerable when suddenly wealthy property & business owner, and could be married & divorced and business is lost.
Also, I feel it's a bit unfair - I've worked hard, been 'boring' whilst studying & working, whilst sibling has been travelling, lived abroad, partied & generally took an easier path.
AIBU to say to parents I'm struggling to accept this?
Any ideas of a different will / succession plan please?
I would be honest that it's very hurtful and you would rather it was all sold and split 50:50 so all the grandchild can benefit through you and sibling. I would also state that you would be devastated watching their business be destroyed in the hands of an alcoholic.
I've said this @randommess but to no avail. The house, land & business is going to sibling. I'm glad you think it's not just me.
The sibling won't sit at a table to discuss anything.
M says I'm being unkind.
D can't do right for doing wrong.
This is why I moved out 😂
What's the difference in money when split ? Could sibling actually run the business ?
Ask for 50% of the business and you will be involved in running it?
I'd second selling the whole lot - house, land, rental property, business, crystalising the assets and splitting them. Then your sibling is on her own. She's got to stand on her own two feet. If your mum is worried about her managing or spending the whole lot, it can be put in trust and given out in tranches I think. I've always thought that when blended families aren't involved and things are simpler, then the only way to do it is to split it fairly.
Difference in money at least £300 - 400k.
Sibling has little idea about the importance of public liability insurance etc. I used to run a business with 30+ staff etc, understand corporate manslaughter etc.
Neither M nor D will face this. Sibling just cries.
After my divorce I lost my pension and started again on housing ladder.
I would be hurt in your shoes but it's their money and I suppose they can do what they want with it. However what they cannot do is expect you to be happy with their decision.
I completely understand. The sibling is benefiting from their poor choices/circumstances.
I do appreciate how heartbreaking this is for you. Having kids makes such a difference, it’s not greed. You need to protect their fair share.
Do they own the business premises? Could they leave the premises to you too? I think you can agree a very low rent for the sibling.
In all honesty how do you think this would play out for your sibling (taking your out the set up). Would they have an income after a year? Two?
On the other hand if they left the business to you would you want it? Would it be sold?
Could everything be sold and put into trust to generate an income for both of you? It’s a really tough one but I think starting with cashing everything in and giving half to each is the better way. Hope you get somewhere with your parents. Perhaps try talking about what they want - do they really want the business to continue after their death? Do they want to ensure a roof over both children’s heads come what may? If it’s a bulletproof home for life for both then I think it would need to be in trust protect from divorce claims. Good luck it’s a tricky one!
It is hurtful, and they are the ones who are being unkind.
It would be faire rif the house ( presumably not required for the business?) could be sold, or at least left to you jointly, with a proviso that sibling can live in it, but you'll know that at least your DC will benefit in the long run.
Dad will not sell the land or business ever never, he wants it to stay in family.
Your parents are fools. Even if (big if!) you subscribe to fair not meaning equal, and her “needing” it more, then giving a business to an unreliable alcoholic is just stupid. Is this a business with a passive income? How on earth do they think she’ll run a business?
I would give up on them about the equal shares (cash and a rental property for you isn’t peanuts anyway) but seriously push for a more sensible decision about the business.
Actually I just read that she works in the business... could she run it? Is it fair she takes it in because she’s actually running most of it now and it’s value is partly her work? (or is she a layabout doing very little and they just use a “job” for her as an excuse to give her pocket money?)
Re her getting more... sone would say her alcoholism is an illness, or a genetic predisposition. How would you feel if she was getting more because of an illness like ME/ CFS that had forced her to work less and not develop a career? It wouldn’t persuade me, but just suggesting another way of looking at it.
How old are you and your sibling? Could your parents be better off investing a lump sum in a pension plan to look after sibling than leaving them a business to run into the ground? That’s what I’d consider in their position.
I’m sorry, I would be upset too.
I'm not sure what you can do if they've decided but you have my sympathy as I'm in a situation where a favourite sibling gets a lot more now and will also inherit more, it's hurtful but I've just accepted it as it's not going to change... I have 2 DC and I treat them equally so at least I can learn from their mistakes.
Why can’t you have a 50% share in the business and the land, and then you both have a house each. Then sibling won’t be able to sell without your say so, and can stay working in and have the motivation of their share to hopefully work well and make profit?
Well golden boy can be ther 'go to' bum wiper then...
Sibling is being being rewarded for being hapless...
And you punished for being you!
Now I’ve seen it’s £300K plus difference, I take back my post!
Can you both me shareholders and she takes an income on top? Though doesn’t help you if she runs it into the ground.
I think you need to throw some harsh potential realities at your dad who won’t ever ever ever sell the business. How would he feel if she sold it 6 months later, and then drank and pissed away the value?
Yes @DelphiniumBlue that was my suggestion, that the land and business is gifted to sibling so can carry on working. Is a really good income.
House (where sibling currently lives with M&D) is left to me to even things up a bit, with proviso that in the event of sibling / my death it goes to my DC.
Would this prevent sibling losing half of everything if was married & divorced?
YANBU it is unfair, but it's their money and their mistake to make. Thank your lucky stars you have your own independent life and are well away from their mess.
Dad will not sell the land or business ever never, he wants it to stay in family
He could give your sibling a life interest and have it pass to or your children on sibling's death.
Thank you - a lot of you are right.
I don't want sibling to be homeless / out of work.
It's a good living, but not something I'd like to do. I could put a manager in, though.
My concern is that sibling pisses it away / loses it somehow and then Dad's wishes that it stays in family are gone.
I don't trust sibling enough to be joined together in business.
Thank you for confirming it's unfair and it's okay for me to be pissed off.
Yes, I accept that the universe will look after me and a £100k inheritance will be amazing.
That said, my gran just died at 101 yrs old. M&D may outlive sibling yet...
My brother struggles whereas I don’t need the money. But my parents are adamant they will leave equal shares. Everyone feels differently though.
I would tell your Dad that you would be heart broken that the responsibility of the business will fall to an alcoholic that could easily destroy it and their is no opportunity for your DC to be involved in it...
It’s very unfair of your parents. But I cannot see what you can do realistically. Can you make a fuss? Will it work? Is that how your sibling got things to this stage?
I would take the money and the rental property. It sounds as though if the sibling has any management input into the business when your parent dies the business will soon collapse and disappear, and your interest in it will go down the drain. Bricks and mortar that is yours is a better investment than watching someone drink your inheritance dry.
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