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Breaking lockdown with a nurse.

(21 Posts)
Elsaolivia Thu 04-Jun-20 06:50:29

I moved in with my partner 6 months ago after three and a half years of living 90 miles apart. It was to test the waters to see if we were compatible to be together long term, buy a house etc. We originally met online after both our marriages came to an end. We saw each other at weekends, and if I’m honest I always had niggling doubts, but my self esteem was low and I was lonely.

In January it was clear to me for so many reasons that. I couldn’t carry on with the relationship and that in fact I would be better off on my own. It felt sad, but I knew it was the right decision. We agreed to remain friends and it felt like we could.

I met up with him a couple of weeks ago and he proudly announced that he had been meeting up with a group of people in a local park for a few drinks on a weekly basis. This was well before any lockdown restrictions had been eased. He also told me that he had started a new relationship with a woman he had met online, and that she is a nurse working in a hospital. The implications of this sunk in, that a nurse who takes care of vulnerable people has broken lockdown to meet up with a stranger. There is no social distancing, as he happily informed me that they are in and out of each other’s houses and probably beds.

A day later he was displaying pictures of the two of them together, on Facebook, smiling in each other’s embraces. Day after day these pictures on his profile and hers.

AIBU that this bothers me on two levels. The first being ethical. She is showing a total disregard for her vulnerable patients by meeting with a stranger during lockdown to start a new relationship. He is equally being totally selfish. Two, although I was the one that ended the relationship, and I never doubted my decision to do so, it was an obvious two fingers up at me as if to say, “look at me, I am fine without you.” I get that he needed to do that a bit I do. This is sadly how social media is used. But it was a relentless onslaught, and I felt it was becoming nasty. I do have lingering sadness that a relationship that I invested so much in did not work out. I unfriendly him after three days. AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
Teawiththat Thu 04-Jun-20 06:52:42

I think you sound bitter and probably should try and move on.

NoHardSell Thu 04-Jun-20 07:02:52

It's a handy distraction from your real hurt, but probably not helpful. Forget her and how she lives her life and focus on you and moving on

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee Thu 04-Jun-20 07:08:07

It's really none of your business what they are up to. You sound hurt and not quite over him, so please block and move on. It'll be better for your mental health in the long term.

You are right about them both being stupid for breaking lockdown, but that's their stupid decision to make, and stop blaming the nurse too!

FrodoTheDodo Thu 04-Jun-20 07:14:21

I don't think this is really about ethics is it? He moved on rapidly, is having a great time and you're still on your own. And that hurts but you need to move on.

OscarWildesCat Thu 04-Jun-20 08:42:47

Nothing to do with you.

Whentheleavesfalldown Thu 04-Jun-20 09:42:15

You met up with him a couple of weeks ago, and therefore was also breaking lock down??
Get off your high horse and move on, you were the one who ended it. Did you want him to be miserable over you for weeks?
He was surely going to move on eventually, do yourself a favour and stop seeing him

ASandwichNamedKevin Thu 04-Jun-20 10:25:20

Remember whatever the reasons for ending the relationship were didn't go away, you could have had to put up with him for a long time if you'd stayed together.
It feels rubbish after investing so much time, have a look at "sunken costs fallacy", so many people stay because they have already invested a lot so you were pretty strong to end it when it didn't work for you.

The fact that she is a nurse meeting up with him probably surprises you due to the deification of NHS workers, but they aren't all going to be 'saints'. The fact that he has entered a new relationship at this time should also help confirm that you did the right thing for you.
Look ahead!

FrodoTheDodo Thu 04-Jun-20 11:05:51

Also, being a nurse doesn't mean she's potentially putting vulnerable patients at risk of CV. I'm a nurse and haven't been near a patient since March and half of my team are also WFH too.

Spacepocket Thu 04-Jun-20 11:07:48

Block, delete and move on.

Kinneddar Thu 04-Jun-20 11:09:16

If you met up with him a couple of weeks ago then clearly youte disregarding the rules too so you're really in no position to criticize him

strawberry2017 Thu 04-Jun-20 11:16:40

You broke lockdown too, whatever way you want to look at it you broke the rules too.
I understand that to you this is still a fresh breakup but in all honesty whatever he decides to do now isn't any if your business.
He's allowed to put pictures on his social media and whilst you might not like to see him happy with someone else he's entitled to move on.

Leave the new girlfriend out of this, it's not for you to comment on. Not all nurses are patient facing and you don't know her circumstances.

IncrediblySadToo Thu 04-Jun-20 11:20:17

I'm sorry you're hurting 🌷

They're both being selfish, stupid, fucking idiots, but many are and many of them are people that should know & do better.

This should confirm you've made the right decision.

However why were YOU meeting up with him during lockdown? Bit hypocritical no?!

Pineapple1 Thu 04-Jun-20 11:21:53

Report them?

CherrySpritz Thu 04-Jun-20 11:41:38


Report them?

Really? How spiteful.

Lifeisabeach09 Thu 04-Jun-20 11:51:52

A lot of assumptions about her job, OP.

But, anyway, delete or unfollow your ex on SM. It's really not healthy following this stuff. Move on!

Elsaolivia Fri 05-Jun-20 08:00:11

Many thanks for all the comments. Just to clarify, this nurse does work on a ward, caring for patients who are recovering from surgery. Secondly, I agreed to meet with him on the one person from outside your household, outdoors basis which was then in place.
Ang yes of course I blocked, within a couple of days.

OP’s posts: |
PolPotNoodle Fri 05-Jun-20 08:07:52

* Just to clarify, this nurse does work on a ward, caring for patients who are recovering from surgery*

She's a human being too, we're going on about NHS staff being heroes and forgetting that they are people with wants and needs, who are capable of making mistakes. I would assume she's wearing full PPE in her job which will vastly reduce any risk she might pose to patients.

As for your ex, well so what if he's happy? Did you want him to sit in a dark room alone pining for you? Yes he broke lockdown but what does it have to do with you?

NoHardSell Fri 05-Jun-20 08:13:29

Seriously .. just let it go. There are doctors, nurses, police, politicians up and down the country doing the same, just as there are cleaners, receptionists, taxi drivers abd hairdressers

The risk is in hospitals not bringing in from outside. She might have had it already or she might be a small risk to your ex. What her actions aren't is a risk to her patients.

Just let it go. Your moralising is just a cover for jealousy and it's pretty transparent.

MinnieMountain Fri 05-Jun-20 08:54:41

I hugged my friend who works in ICU on Monday OP. Will you report her too? Because that's just as much your business. Or not.

affnarc Fri 05-Jun-20 09:17:02

I understand your hurt OP. Very similar to something I've recently experienced.

I have had to ignore for my own sanity.

Ex was in the shielded group too and to see him with a new woman in her home was awful. BUT I have had to take a step back and realise that our relationship was over and that my own healing has nothing to do either what he's doing now. He's free to do as he wishes.

I'm frontline nhs so it was especially insulting seeing him break the rules but tbh it was more the ecstatic selfies that hurt me the most.

It's ok to be hurt but honestly just try and move on with your life smile

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