To just want someone to tell me what to do??

[Pumpcushion]

I know things are not right in my life at the moment but I can’t seem to get out of the rut. Before I launch into this moan list, it is just that, I’m very lucky. But I’m not happy and I think I need to do something soon.

• my job is very pressured and stressful, I like it and pays very well but often spills over into home life and is almost always on my mind, very hard to switch off from. It isn’t in an area which is my real passion (animals) but I get a lot out of it and enjoy the challenge...when it doesn’t become completely overwhelming which is often
  

• I don’t exercise enough then suffer physical and mental consequences, even though I know this I only do it sporadically then beat myself up the other 99% of the time
  

• I eat junk food like it’s going out of fashion and live from one sugar high and slump to the next, spend 99% of the time feeling fuzzy headed, tired, disgusting . Won’t cook proper food as can’t be bothered and just binge on junk.
  

• also don’t drink enough and always feel a bit dehydrated and sluggish
  

• I suffer from depression, meds not really helping, can’t stand being around people when it’s bad and it’s really affecting marriage, together with point 1.
  

• I’m almost always very irritated and angry and don’t enjoy anything or have any fun. I am a crap friend and wife and horribly inconsistent mother (too small to know too much yet thank goodness) - could never be SAHP
  

• im pretty much addicted to online shopping and don’t even know what I’ve ordered most of the time, it’s like a compulsion and boxes and boxes come every day and I can’t remember what they are
  

• I have a long long personal to do list including getting in touch with friends /sending cards etc which I never get round to (see point above) I feel like I neglect all personal relationships including my family
  

I basically feel like a car with a flat battery or stressed out. Nothing there, nothing in the tank, lights are on but no one home.

I think need a kicking and telling what to do to start sorting my life out as this can’t be it surely? I must be getting something very wrong 😞

[MagicSeeker]

I recommend reading The Four Pillar Plan by Dr Rangan Chatterjee. He’s a GP who has simplified all the health and lifestyle advice down to the steps that make the most difference in the easiest way. He explains how things interlink (if you don’t sleep well, it can be hard to eat well and move often, for example). The pillars are to do with sleep, food, rest and movement. If you’re overwhelmed, it’s a brilliant place to start seeing the woods for the trees.

[Pumpcushion]

Thanks magic I’ll take a look at that

[OhioOhioOhio]

Yeah, I'd like that too.

[LouiseTrees]

Overall message in the below OP is stop being so hard on yourself!

1. Re the job. Are you in finance? If so I may have practical advice.
   
2. Stop beating yourself up. There are loads of people who don’t get regular exercise Or do zero , just try to push yourself to do a tiny bit like a walk along 1 street and back or circuits of the garden and build up to more.
   
3. Re junk food you are 100 percent not alone here. I am really not a great cook and would have ready meals all the time until I discovered a few quick fresher meals eg fresh pasta from M&S takes 5 mins to cook, snacks if strawberries and cream at the moment, flatbreads and hummus. Focus on getting new healthier things but that are still super quick/grab and go. Always have a water bottle next to you or a juice filled water bottle if you are not into water. Again so many people don’t hydrate well.
   
4. The irration and depression maybe stem from the same source, maybe don’t. Try and work out triggers or causation. Go back to the doctor about the meds. Know that it is okay to fail or to let others fail. Know that most mothers don’t have the perfect routine and are probably just as inconsistent as you. Know that you don’t have to be the perfect stepford wife for your husband to love you.
   
5. Examine the root of the shopping issue. Are you buying stuff in attempt to fill a void of happiness? You understand it’s not making you happy to spend so much and the products are being forgotten. Focus on what you really need/want your house to look like, work towards bigger purchases or a savings target for something fun like a holiday.
   
6. Again with the personal to go list, it sounds like you are being super hard on yourself and so many of us would identify with this. Maybe when you are online shopping the next time tell yourself instead of this I could contact x or do y instead with this time. You reckonise the problem with getting time for relationships is your job - can you delegate anything, is there anything you can drop because you are only doing it to “look good” at work, any process that could get more efficient by being less of a perfectionist?
   

All said from experience. Hard to apply but I did and I’m so much happier for it.

[Colom]

I can identify with a lot of this except that I am a SAHM - a reluctant one!

I get going every so often but it never lasts and I fall back into the same slump.

I've never had any depression diagnosis or told anyone but I think it's safe to say it's highly probable.

What has helped me the most is carving out the time for my real passion (art - I studied it at university but somehow ended up in marketing before I became a SAHM )

Could you perhaps look into volunteering a few hours per week with animals? Might give you a boost, helping out / meeting new people etc? Hope things get easier soon for you OP

[MaeDanvers]

How would you be financially if you decided to retrain for a career that doesn’t drain you like this?

It sounds to me like that’s the root of al these other issues - the emotional eating, lack of time for exercise etc, knock on grumpiness and depression.

If you possibly can, perhaps it’s time to consider a career that may be less lucrative financially but could be lucrative in every other area of your life.

[hamstersarse]

Chatterjee is a great place to start. He also has a podcast.

All your issues are inter linked and some lifestyle shifts on the 4 pillars will really make a big difference

[justkeepmovingon]

That book sounds great, thanks for the posters who recommend it.

Reading your list I'd say small changes to food and diet would have the biggest impact. All of the other symptoms, brain fog etc are linked.

Maybe get the joe wicks book for meal ideas, Jamie Oliver's 5 ingredients book or try an online food delivery. Gousto or hello fresh just to get variety in there?

Bedsides that some of your symptoms could also be hormones, insulin related, maybe ask the GP for a health MOT and some bloods, take a look at what's really going on physically.

My last advice is to pop on amazon and get a water bottle with measurements on it. The dehydration will be also causing you issues? Maybe add in to your day herbal teas, squash, flavours, smoothies.. all fluid to help if you don't like water.

And lastly good luck!!

[Pumpcushion]

Thanks for all the suggestions they are really helpful and it’s really kind of you all to take the time to help me like this - and tell me what to do!!

I have ordered the book and am going to firstly try to make some lifestyle changes, then if that doesn’t work seriously consider my career and future direction. Which is a bit terrifying.

@LouiseTrees it’s not finance but big corporate, possibly similar pressures. I’d be really keen to hear how you turned things around and your experience?

@MaeDanvers to be fair we would be ok financially, not the lifestyle we have now but ok. I do enjoy my job and also it is part of my identity, of course I also like the salary. But agree it’s all worthless if you are ultimately unhappy so if I can’t find better ways to handle the pressure I’m going to have to seriously open that can of worms

Really appreciate all the advice

[LouiseTrees]

Putting a pin message here to remember to get back to you about the job pressures. Unfortunately only have 5 minutes without the baby hanging off my hip at the moment but will get back to you.

[Pumpcushion]

Thank you 🙏 no hurry