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To not give a lift to take 3 year old relative to hospital.

(90 Posts)
GetATaxi Wed 03-Jun-20 16:46:40

My niece was in hospital on Monday night they originally suspected Covid but it turned out to be a water infection.

My sister has rung the doctor back because my niece has only passed urine twice since and they have told her to take her back to the hospital. She also has another younger child.

She rang me to ask for a lift to the hospital which I said yes to. Her supposed ex was going to look after their younger child. I say supposed because I am fairly sure they are actually a couple and she is just lying.

She then text me and said actually she is going to stay home with younger child so can I give supposed Ex a lift instead with my niece.

I said no. I gave her money for a taxi instead so didn't leave them with no way of getting to the hospital. I still enabled them to get there.

My reason for saying no is that her supposed ex is massively abusive, mainly to her but it has spilled over to the rest of the family.

He has locked me in his house, pushed me up against a wall, spat at me, told my own abusive ex my new address after I moved to escape him, tried to have me arrested for assaulting him (whilst I was locked in his house so no way I could be assaulting him). Dropped the babies on my doorstep and left before I even answered the door. Stolen from me, several times including a very expensive bike.

She won't leave him (she said she has at the weekend but I know she is lying) but I have told her I won't have anything to do with him after everything he has done (there is more but all of the same kind of stuff).

But having said that, my niece is ill. Possibly seriously ill and I feel like I should have been the bigger person.

So YABU - what the hell is wrong with you, you should have driven them.

YANBU - giving them money for a taxi is fine under the circumstances.

I feel sick with guilt, not helped when she had a go at me and said she can't believe I would be like this.

OP’s posts: |
Suze1621 Wed 03-Jun-20 16:51:22

YANBU think you did exactly the right thing.

catfeets Wed 03-Jun-20 16:52:28

Christ, no! Don't let him anywhere near you.
Your own safety takes priority. You did enough by paying for a taxi.

zscaler Wed 03-Jun-20 16:52:56

YANBU. You still helped her get to hospital, and you were totally right to protect yourself in the circumstances.

HollowTalk Wed 03-Jun-20 16:53:01

Why is it your responsibility to pay for his taxi? Do you really think he'll spend that money on a taxi? Far more likely that he'll spend it on himself and make someone else give them a lift.

Haggisfish Wed 03-Jun-20 16:53:09

Yanbu but I would also be calling social services/school to report your concerns.

Onekidnoclue Wed 03-Jun-20 16:53:30

Perfectly reasonable. You helped the person you care about get to the hospital by paying for a cab and avoided spending time with an utter cunt badger. Job done smile

HollowTalk Wed 03-Jun-20 16:53:42

Every single time he does something illegal against you, you should report him to the police.

DanniArthur Wed 03-Jun-20 16:55:19

YANBU I think you were generous enough sending money for a taxi. It sounds like that guy has put you through a lot of crap so no wonder you dont want to spend time with him and a sick child!

OoohTheStatsDontLie Wed 03-Jun-20 16:55:26

If course you are not being unreasonable to not put yourself in a dangerous situation. There are two parents, unless there is something else going on like they are quite ill, they will find a way to take their child to hospital

GetATaxi Wed 03-Jun-20 16:56:33

I have reported my concerns to 101 and the domestic violence team is working with her, they have had social services involvement. Hence why he is her supposed ex.

I can only help her if she is willing to help herself which is a whole other thread.

OP’s posts: |
GetATaxi Wed 03-Jun-20 16:57:34

its such a relief to see people think I was doing the right thing.

OP’s posts: |
ZigZagIntoTheBlue Wed 03-Jun-20 16:58:56

You found option C that ticked all the boxes - niece goes to hospital and you don't have to be in a space with an abusive arsehole.
Im pretty shocked your sister tried to get you to take him, presumably she knows everything that's happened?!

DanielRicciardosSmile Wed 03-Jun-20 16:59:29

YANBU. You offered to take her to the hospital, and gave money for him to get there instead. No one could find you unreasonable.

MamaLion1319 Wed 03-Jun-20 17:00:44

You might not have driven them personally but you got them a lift so imo you were 100% right in what you did. Is there anyone claiming you're not? Apologies if this has already been answered there's so many comments!

Mumoblue Wed 03-Jun-20 17:01:32

YANBU at all!

You should never have to be in a enclosed space with someone who is a danger to you.
And you still helped by paying for the taxi.

You already were the bigger person by offering as much help as was reasonable.

GetATaxi Wed 03-Jun-20 17:02:37

Yes she knows everything but we all just tow the line so she doesn't have a hard time.

He wants to isolate her from her family and friends and we all want to stick around so that when she is ready to leave she knows she has support and people who love her.

Its a terrible situation for everyone but we are doing the best we can.

I am trying to have my own boundaries without abandoning her and the babies who need someone on their team.

OP’s posts: |
minisoksmakehardwork Wed 03-Jun-20 17:02:45

You enabled the child to still go to the hospital but showed your sister that you will not put up with the abusive behaviour. You are so far from being unreasonable that hopefully your sister will start to see that you don't put up with it from him so she can start to break free for herself and her children.

GetATaxi Wed 03-Jun-20 17:04:27

@MamaLion1319 my sister said i was being unreasonable. Her comment was

"WOW getataxi, I know you hate him but its about niece, not him. I am really worried about her. I can't believe you are doing this now"

OP’s posts: |
CrazyTimesAreOccurring Wed 03-Jun-20 17:05:18

YANBU. Cant believe a mother would stay home though with a child in hospital. Not saying dad's dont care/love the same, but it would be a no brainer. Is she completely under his thumb and was made to stay home? Or was she worried him being alone at home with LO?

GetATaxi Wed 03-Jun-20 17:08:14

She was made to stay at home. I said niece needed her mum and she said, "I went on monday and I cant take the argueing" so he has put his foot down.

OP’s posts: |
cstaff Wed 03-Jun-20 17:09:29

That was pretty much the best solution given the circumstances. Not a chance in hell should you get in a car with that man.

Hopefully your sister will see the light before it's too late.

7yo7yo Wed 03-Jun-20 17:09:42

I wouldn’t have paid for the taxi either.

GetATaxi Wed 03-Jun-20 17:12:39

I hope she does, I feel like locking her and the babies in a cupboard till she sees sense but apparently that's not the done thing.

OP’s posts: |
ButteryPuffin Wed 03-Jun-20 17:15:43

I think you did the right thing too. If your sister disagrees, she can volunteer to drive him around in future. You keep yourself safe.

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