Ok I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. Really need some advice on communicating with my dp. I know there will be a lot of LTB or 'think carefully before marrying this man' comments but that's not really what I'm looking for, need advice on fixing things not ditching things!
Been together 5 years, engaged, due to be married next June. Overall great relationship but issues with sex. The issues are:
- sex started off well but slowly became less regular. He is 11 years older than me, claimed low libido and said he'd always been that way. I accepted it was going to be once a month at best. It wasn't ideal for me but it's not a dealbreaker. It's still something and is good when we do it.
- about a year into the relationship I found out he'd been looking at a niche form of porn. Not terrible but a little taboo. He'd never mentioned it to me and it's clear it's not something he wants to try with me. I worried that the low sex drive was really him preferring his little fantasy fetishes over a sex life with me.
- he takes viagra. Again, never been discussed. I found the pills by accident. So maybe an ED element too?
- he has a thing about not having sex when my kids are in the house which is understandable and still lots of opportunities when they go to their dads or grandparents. But it's become almost like he wants to set a date and time which takes all spontaneity and fun away from sex. I don't want to be allocated a slot! This has put me off doing it too.
- the main issue is total lack of communication about any of these things. We just don't talk about sex. He is a great communicator in every other sense. But with this he just clams up perhaps due to embarrassment.
I'm starting to feel resentful of my situation and the fact my sex life feels such hard work at the age of just 35. As I said I don't want to break up over it. I love this man, my kids love him and we have a great relationship and life together apart from this. But I need to talk to him about this and explain that I'm not happy to just sweep my feelings under the carpet because he's not comfortable talking about things. Day to day we have a lot of banter and jokey conversations so it's sometimes hard talking about serious things like this. Can anyone give me some advice on how to start the conversation or what to do?
Thanks for reading so far!