We live in Scotland with two children and have bought our first house about two years ago. We love the house, not so much the area and we would definitely not want our kids to grow up here. Our eldest is in P1. We moved to Scotland because of my work. I love the nature and have gotten used to the weather as well and - believe it or not – really like it! My husband hates being here. It’s been very isolating experience in many ways – having no support network and no friends, it’s been just the two of us and extremely stressful. We’re both worried about children growing up here though. We live rurally and the school seems ok. DD is doing well in school academically (although I fear that the expectations here are lower because a lot of kids come from socially challenging backgrounds) but she hasn’t really been able to form any close friendships although she’s very sociable. I think this has affected her greatly. It’s not a very diverse school/community so we do stand out.
My current job is not bad – lovely team, relatively well-paid (about 40k) and secure (civil service). I joined the company three years ago. Within next year I am expected to move to next pay grade (about 50k) and that will be the plateau in terms of salary for at least next five years, although could even take 10 years or more.
What I don’t like at my current job is lack of challenge - I joined as a technical person but now work on policy and I feel like I am becoming deskilled. Although internally there appear to be many options for exploring different career paths, it is also quite competitive and biased towards white British with “posh” accent or degrees from Cambridge/Oxford (a lot of discussions about this internally but I don’t expect the culture to change any time soon). Regardless, after reaching next pay grade there will be no opportunity for me to move up the ladder for a while but I can keep changing jobs and get fancy sounding titles. If I wanted to leave, there are not many jobs available in Scotland that would suit my profile and salary expectations.
I got a job offer for a two year on-job technical training. It would be in Germany, the salary a bit lower than what I’m earning now, the contract is fixed for two years and I would be required to relocate to Germany within the next three months. The training is very competitive and has good international reputation in my field. Most people who complete the training go on to work in more senior roles than my current position (or at minimum one pay band up) and they get access to amazing alumni network. I would be able to strengthen and further develop my technical skills and apply them in a new context. It’s pretty full on training and I would not be allowed to keep my current job (it’s one of the conditions of the traineeship).
I am thinking of accepting the position and moving with my kids while my husband stays and looks after our house. He can work from home so he would visit as frequently as possible, for longer periods, but right now we’re not yet ready to sell the house yet and cannot rent out. He would be looking for jobs in Germany at the same time. My husband is very keen on this. I am too but at the same time quite anxious as it could potentially really jeopardise the whole family. However, we have been looking for an opportunity to go to Europe, are quite pessimistic about the direction UK’s headed in, it’s been very difficult for my husband to find good job in Scotland and he doesn’t have much hope that this will change any time soon. Germany would mean being closer to my family, children can learn German, possibly better quality of life and ideally better career prospects long-term. It will be easier to make friends and meet people with similar profile and interest. Eldest would go to nursery for one year before starting P1, so she would have time to learn German. But this is for two years and then what?
In terms of finance, it will be tight but we’re pretty sure that husband can cover the costs (mortgage, expenses) in Scotland and I would use my salary to cover living expenses in Germany for myself and the kids. I have lived in Germany before but not in this part where the job would be and not with children. I did entertain the idea of staying in my current role and apply for a different role within civil service to keep the safety net and guaranteed income but a part of me feels that if I am not willing to take some calculated risks I cannot expect any change.
Am I just dreaming or do you think we can pull it off? If I was single it would be a straightforward yes. But I’m not and my whole family’s future depends on me.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
AIBU to be thinking of changing jobs and moving to a different country alone with two kids?
21 replies
SafariSurnise · 03/06/2020 07:44
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
20 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
40%
You are NOT being unreasonable
60%
Cacacoisfarraige ·
03/06/2020 14:18
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.