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AIBU to not have a relationship with my brother?(3 Posts)
Long one sorry!
My brother and I are nearly 13 years apart I have some fond memories of him as a child, however not many, as when I was growing up he was at uni etc- he was the apple of my mother's eye and I always felt inferior to him iykwim.
I did all the normal things in my teenage years, clubs boys drink messed about a bit but nothing serious all teenage stuff but my brother really disapproved of my lifestyle and made that very clear.
Both my mum and dad died by the time I was 24 and I struggled to cope- I've always been very independent and had a boyfriend at the time but I felt I was still very young to be orphaned but didn't really get much support from my brother as he had a wife and family- I went off the rails for a year or two- not working etc and now I know I was suffering from depression.
Fast forward a few years and I had settled down with a long term partner long term relationship and kept in touch with my brother but he had children and lived approx 100 miles away so didn't see him very often, again when my relationship broke down I really struggled and needed help, he came to my house once and met up with me once in London and that was it- I was left to carry on.
Over the last 5 years contact has now been very minimal - I always send birthday cards and Xmas cards with gifts for my Brice and nephew but I rarely get a card or text.
My brother is 58 now and I'm worried I'm running out of time to connect with him- when we do text it's very superficial on his part, he doesn't ask whether I'm seeing anyone of how my life is going .
I know this all sounds very selfish but I don't want to miss my opportunity to bond with him ( he is my only direct family) however I still carry this feeling he is disappointed in me , doesn't think I'm good enough and disapproving of my choices, and I don't want negative people in my life. What do I do?
I think that the reality is he’s not interested in a real relationship with you. You’ve made overtures for years and he’s had ample opportunity.
I think you’d be better trying to find other ways to fill the gap.
Parents dying whilst so young is awful (I has lost mine by 19) and it can make you quite needy (understandably) - I understand why you wanted and needed his support but he’s not willing to give it to you. Stop wasting your time on him.
Thank you @Merryoldgoat - it's hard though as he is my only family, and obviously he has my niece and nephew!
He's not a bad person, I suppose I just wish he cared more about me- I'm his only sibling, over the last 20 years we must have me/spoken about 10 times- just as well I'm an independent soul but it does make me sad.
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