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They are ginger get over it!

(177 Posts)
CarrotCakeCrumbs Tue 02-Jun-20 21:32:32

I have NC for this. I am so angry at the moment, and fed up, and aware that things could be so much worse and that with everything else that is happening it really doesn't matter in the long run and it really is so petty and ridiculous. However here I am seething because some people are just pig ignorant.

My bf to his knowledge has nobody ginger in his family, infact they are all very adamant that there are no ancestors with ginger hair whatsoever. And yet our two daughters are very, very ginger (as am I). Our eldest is 4.5, our youngest is turning 1 this month. Their hair is unlikely to change. The amount of comments I have had from multiple members of my bfs family has gone beyond a joke now.

Ever since my eldest was born I have had the following comments about both children:
"She's not ginger" - in a voice that implies being ginger would be such a horrific thing to be 🙄
"Oh I think her hair is changing it isn't as red" or "she's losing her redness!" - said in a hopeful voice
"She's turning a shade of beetroot" - in a disappointed voice (also why beetroot??? There are 1000's of lovely ways to describe red hair - beetroot is not one of them 🤬)
"Red hair means crap blood" - eh no...and many more comments.

Every single time we see them, without fail, someone will make at least one comment on our childrens hair. I don't even know why it is such a shock to them - I am ginger! (They do also like to pretend that my children get absolutely none of their traits from me but that's a whole other thread). They wouldn't comment on their hair if it was blonde, or brunette!

I was bullied horrifically through school because of my hair colour, and I am determined that my girls will be proud of theirs. But I feel like I might be fighting a losing battle when certain members of their own family so clearly don't like it.

My boyfriend thinks I am over reacting and that I should just ignore it, but why should I? And why should our daughters have to ignore it? What gives people the right to comment on a hair colour that you are born with and can't bloody change! (I mean you can't change it as a child - I am well aware that adults can dye their hair as I did for years and now my hair is back to it's natural colour but destroyed beyond repair).

Am I being unreasonable to tell people to just not comment on their hair, that it is ginger and they have had almost 5 years to get used to that fact and it is not likely to change any time soon. Or just start making derogatory comments on their appearance when they make the negative comments.

OP’s posts: |
Justasecondnow Tue 02-Jun-20 21:36:17

Bloody weirdos! Wouldn’t have my kids around anyone who negatively commented on their appearance. I don’t think you’re overreacting.

GinDaddyRedux Tue 02-Jun-20 21:36:43

I couldn't agree more with this post. I have two members of my family (a parent and a DC) who are redheads. It's depressing that people, usually the dullest of the world, continually verbally poke at their physical characteristic, in this typical lazy way.

Many other people will put this better than I, but I honestly think Britain especially has a problem with people looking and acting distinct. We should all preferably have mousy hair, hazel eyes, be short enough not to make anyone feel inferior, be a average weight that makes others feel better about themselves, typically go on holiday to somewhere that makes people feel better about their choices....etc etc you get my point.

ItsmineAllmine Tue 02-Jun-20 21:37:46

I have a ginger haired son, I would be really angry if my in laws behaved like this. Yanbu and your DH should realise this too, it's not on for him to dismiss it.

Anyway, for a child to have ginger hair BOTH parents need to carry the ginger haired gene. It can'tjust come from one parent. I'd remind them of this next time they bring it up.

MintyCedric Tue 02-Jun-20 21:38:35

This is utter bollocks.

They might (shouldn't but might) get comments from ignorant twats as they grow up but they shouldn't be coming from their own family.

Its unkind to them and disrespectful to you and your bf really needs to put his big boy pants on and have a word.

FWIW I think ginger hair is gorgeous, I dye mine that colour deliberately!

moonway Tue 02-Jun-20 21:38:54

My husband is ginger and all I got throughout my pregnancy is 'what if he's ginger!?!' 🙄 he wasn't though, he has dark hair like me but that didn't stop the 'oh his hair will change colour it could go ginger, what would you do then?' What would I do? What a dumb question. He has a bit of a red undertone in his hair and in certain light and pictures it can look much lighter and I get comments about it. I don't understand why people are so obsessed with a child being ginger and how they make it out to be such an awful thing, it's just cruel

nicky7654 Tue 02-Jun-20 21:39:39

I would be furious. It's blatantly rude.

Parkandride Tue 02-Jun-20 21:40:46

They can fuck off, I couldn't let my kids be insulted by their own family. It's tough enough being a redhead as you know, you need to know your family love every bit of you for the self esteem when you're being picked on.

Theyre clearly not very bright if they dont understand recessive genes

VashtaNerada Tue 02-Jun-20 21:41:03

They are completely out of order angry What a horrible way to talk about children. I would say something. God knows what though.

RandomMess Tue 02-Jun-20 21:41:07

angryangryangryangry

"If you can't say anything nice keep your trap shut"

Yesmate Tue 02-Jun-20 21:41:52

They sound horrible. Every time someone mentions it say “please don’t comment on their hair anymore”. Every time.

busface999 Tue 02-Jun-20 21:42:47

Your boyfriend only thinks you're over reacting because he's never been bullied for his hair colour/a physical trait. Otherwise he'd get it.

As above, they are wrong to say there is no redhead history in his family. It's recessive, he's obviously a carrier, there have clearly been redheads before him.

I would just call them out, as clearly and loudly as you need to. React every time they do it, until they get it into their heads!!

(Also a ginger, married to an olive skinned dark haired man, we have a pale redheaded son. MIL said "it's not that horrible orangey colour" as if to say... he's quite ginger but thank God he's not THAT ginger. I massively shut her down and she never said anything again...)

Maestro7 Tue 02-Jun-20 21:42:58

They are bullying your children. Do they think the 5 year old can’t pick up on their comments? My niece is 2 and a half and gets all pleased when someone says she’s a gorgeous girl. I would tell your boyfriend that you were bullied because of your hair and you won’t tolerate his family doing same to his own children. Tell him he needs to go to them and tell them the only acceptable comment on their hair is that it’s lovely and if they can’t say that they said nothing. He needs to tell them that if they don’t agree to this they won’t be seeing the children. The end. I would be absolutely fuming in your shoes. I am a red head and my DH mother is red headed so we’ve a strong chance of red headed children and I will be bringing them up to be proud of their hair. There is so much prejudice about red heads. My sister in laws father has red hair and she said to me after each of her and my DB children was born ‘thank god they don’t have red hair’- to me - A red head. confused

Leopardprintcurtains Tue 02-Jun-20 21:43:53

How weird! I’d give them short shift.

My dd2 is white blonde despite DH and I both being typically ME in appearance (olive skin, dark hair and eyes) and the amount of comments on her parentage, namely who her “real” father is, is astonishing. Insufferable twats.

People can be so insulting.

FourPlasticRings Tue 02-Jun-20 21:44:46

Mumsnet classic, 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

Maestro7 Tue 02-Jun-20 21:45:15

I should also add that I always loved my red hair - my DF mother had red hair And died when she was young and he always said to me how he loved my hair and it was beautiful and just like his mother’s. Looking back I think that helped me to deal with the bullying over my hair.

WeirdAndPissedOff Tue 02-Jun-20 21:45:19

YANBU at all - this would piss me off even when they're tiny, but as your DV get older they're going to constantly hear comments that suggest that ginger hair is a bad thing.
Unfortunately you can't protect them from the twats and bullies at schools and in society, but the last place they should be hearing it is from their family!

I think small children with ginger hair are gorgeous, anyway!

Heronwatcher Tue 02-Jun-20 21:45:45

I think you need to put a stop to this. What about (with your kids consent) putting them in ridiculous comedy wigs next time you see them, wait for comments and then say that since the whole family seemed to find it necessary to comment on hair colour you thought you’d give them something to talk about. Or every time someone makes a comment about hair/ hair colour get out a notepad and pen and keep an ongoing tally of who is in the lead. Or tell them to stop it or you’ll go home. I see this as a little bit like “everyday sexism”- there is nothing like low level negative comments over a long period of time to damage someone’s confidence. I’d seriously consider very low contact if it continues.

Cillmantain Tue 02-Jun-20 21:46:23

YANBU
I was hoping my children would be as we have beautiful red heads on both sides.
Your in laws are extremely ignorant.
I would check them everytime they say something negative.
Your BF needs to man up.
They are insulting his children

SonEtLumiere Tue 02-Jun-20 21:48:27

I am Irish and so many English people are so odd-minded about red-hair. They go on and on about it as if it is some sort of character failing or disability, and a lot of people see it as a free pass to physical and verbal abuse, (a co-worker said “God, don’t you wish they could test for red-hair beforehand?” Which is actually chilling) my PIL were just awful about it, but thought they were normal!!!

Couchbettato Tue 02-Jun-20 21:49:33

When I was born, my great grandmother peered over into my incubator and didn't say "oh how beautiful, congratulations" to my mother. She said "oh. She's ginger." And that women had contempt for me until the day she died.
I think ginger hair is beautiful. People with ginger hair are naturally fiery and passionate (probably because they're forever defending their genetics against ignorant people).
I am sorry that some people seem to only see your children for their hair colour, and have such disdain for it. Part of me thinks they're just jealous because it would cost hundreds for them to get such beautiful tones through a hairdresser.

TitianaTitsling Tue 02-Jun-20 21:53:10

Fuck them, fuck the lot of them! How dare they mention a stunning aspect of your children in a negative context. Seriously hair colour?! What twats. I'd start giving them details of plastic surgeons saying 'thought you might like this,they could sort out that little problem you have with your face'...

PastramiNoRye Tue 02-Jun-20 21:56:08

That's appalling. I'm a redhead. I love my hair. I was looking forward to red headed kids and not one out of the three of them got my genes.

Rainbowchampagne Tue 02-Jun-20 21:57:11

It’s vile isn’t it? My dad was ginger and although I have mousy brown hair, I am extremely fair and freckly (but not in a gorgeous freckle face way, ones that group together weirdly!)

My PIL constantly comment on my DD skin and how pale she is, SHE IS A BABY! In certain lights her hair is a gorgeous auburn which I hope she keeps

But god forbid she has my pale skin 🤦‍♀️

dementedma Tue 02-Jun-20 21:58:15

People are nuts. My sister has 5 dcs. In age order their hair cour is:
Brunette
Red head
Blond
Mousy
Very dark, almost black

She just rolls her eyes at the stupid comments now

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