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AIBU?

To go on this virtual date?

7 replies

Mummieswork · 02/06/2020 14:01

I posted this a few weeks back: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3899003-To-wait-to-see-if-this-relationship-improves-after-lockdown

The man I had been dating pre-lockdown became utterly useless once we were separated due to lockdown. We'll call him A.

In the midst of his uselessness, another guy I used to date got in touch (let's call him B).

B and I had only ever gone on one date last year but it was the best dates ever. Nothing physical ever happened but we just had brilliant fun.

Ultimately he had decided to give things another shot with his ex and then I started dating someone else, but we'd always kept in touch as friends as we got on brilliantly.

In the last few weeks though, after my relationship with A detoriated, the messages with B escalated beyond just friendly. Obviously being in lockdown, we never met up, but we messaged a lot and it was implied that we'd like to see each other again as more than just friends. He knew I'd been dating A but that it wasn't really working out.

In an unexpected turn of events, A suddenly stepped up in the last few weeks. Things really improved and we got back into our stride. I won't say things are 100% but they improved vastly. There's still a lot of things that are off but it seemed salvageable and worth sticking it out until we could finally see each other again (we're not in the UK so we have a while yet of lockdown).

On that basis, I backed off from B. I should've been honest with him and said I was figuring things out with A, but I didn't, I just turned the conversation back to platonic topics and didn't message as much. It seemed harmless.

Out of nowhere today, B he suggested we have a virtual drink date this week. We have never done this before and I was completely taken by surprise. (I should add that A has never suggested this in all our weeks of lockdown).

I'm really in two minds. Things are still far from perfect with A, but he has really made an effort and things are improving. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what it will materialise into in the real world though.

The dynamic is completely different with both of them. B is completely my type in every way, like an old friend, absolutely on my wavelength. A is intriguing the antithesis of me, not remotely my type but somehow attractive because of how different we are. The main difference though is that I actually dated A properly so we do have history and I do care about him. B, although we get on great, is really just someone I've met once.

I know it's morally wrong to have an online date with guy B but it's hard to resist at least seeing how it goes. I do think it probably speaks volumes about my true feelings (or lack of) for A, that I'm contemplating it at all.

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Am I being unreasonable?

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You are being unreasonable

You are NOT being unreasonable

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PawPawNoodle · 02/06/2020 14:12

I'd just 'date' both until you can make your mind up either way, you don't seem particularly certain on either of them.

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Marshmallow91 · 02/06/2020 14:15

You've not committed to a relationship with either. There's no harm going to come from accepting "B"s offer of a virtual date.

Do it and have a nice time