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Is this allowed...

(65 Posts)
TheLadyAnneNeville Tue 02-Jun-20 11:51:50

Please don’t have a go...genuinely unsure what’s the best thing to do.

DH myself and DS (who is autistic) have followed the COVID19 rules. We’ve stayed home, worked from home and only shopped every 7-10 days when we’ve had to. No driveway “chatting” and even though DS could have been in college, he’s stayed home because he’s been too scared to go in. He also has two PAs which he could now see, but hasn’t.

Now, we were thinking of travelling to my sisters house about 45 miles away, this weekend. It’d mean staying overnight in a household of people who are key workers ie. a social worker, a nurse, a dr’s receptionist and a care worker (we used to have 2 police officers and a fireman too! 😂). The reason really is to help DS. DS has no friends as such, friendships are really elusive and difficult for him. He’s very bright but he draws a total blank on socialising. He’s just started going out again and will walk for hours on his own, around our small market town and “hangs about” to people-watch. He’s a very gentle young man and has been badly bullied in the past. This walking/standing about has gotten him into trouble with people reporting him, calling the police because he “looks weird” 😡 and so, in an effort to keep him safe, I thought it a good idea to take him to see his cousins. Good for me too as frankly, each time he leaves the house, my hearts in my mouth. At the weekend he went out and was “walking” for 5 hours in this heat. He wasn’t answering his mobile so, I got in the car and went to look for him. Eventually, I spotted him at the park, pacing like a polar bear, and I could tell he was hoping to be invited to join a group of teens, all sat in a big circle BBQ going. Of course they just ignored him which is better than them reporting him as a “weirdo”.

But I’m scared, in view of their jobs. Having been so incredibly cautious could I now jeopardise everything?

WWYD? He’s 20 by the way so, not a child. I can’t make him stay in.

OP’s posts: |
NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite Tue 02-Jun-20 11:55:14

"Now, we were thinking of travelling to my sisters house about 45 miles away, this weekend. It’d mean staying overnight in a household of people who are key workers"
The rules do not allow you to stay overnight in another household.

Racoonworld Tue 02-Jun-20 11:58:11

No, you aren’t allowed to stay overnight with another household, or be in their house at all. You could visit them outside in their garden and keep to the 2m distance. 45 mins isn’t that far to travel

bloodyhellsbellsx Tue 02-Jun-20 11:58:23

I don’t think it would be a sensible idea to go stay in a house with key workers, also it’s not allowed to stay over in a different household.

You could go for the day and have a socially distanced chat and BBQ?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Tue 02-Jun-20 11:59:34

Since you are asking if it is allowed - the answer to that is very simple. It is not. You are not permitted to stay away overnight and you are not permitted into someone else’s home save to give care, carry out work or use the loo.

But 45 miles is not so far so I’d set off early if you can and go for the day if they have a garden you can spend time in.

I’m sorry things are so difficult. I know from experience how hard it is to see our young adult children struggling. Best of luck.

BarbaraofSeville Tue 02-Jun-20 12:00:42

The law is clear that you're not allowed to stay overnight without reasonable excuse.

gov.uk gives examples of 'reasonable excuses'. I don't know if there are any that could fit in with your DS's autism.

But then again, if they're 45 miles away, could you just go for the day?

You're not really supposed to spend time in other people's houses, but are allowed to use the toilet. If the weather is suitable, you could sit in the garden and barbecue, picnic, play games, chat, or whatever everyone likes to do.

Letsallscreamatthesistene Tue 02-Jun-20 12:01:43

I wouldnt go. Everyones had to sacrifice things, everyones had to endure hard times. Also, what do you mean 'keep him safe"? Hes not in any danger. Just because people report him for loitering doesnt mean the police are going to do anything.

vanillandhoney Tue 02-Jun-20 12:02:09

No, you can't do that. You're not allowed to stay overnight somewhere unless it's unavoidable for work purposes. That includes camping or staying with relatives.

Why not just drive down, have a BBQ in the garden and come home? That's perfectly acceptable. You're allowed in groups of six in people's gardens.

heartsonacake Tue 02-Jun-20 12:03:21

YABU. You cannot stay overnight in another household.

moveandmove Tue 02-Jun-20 12:06:17

It's not allowed. You could go to their garden as you're only 45 miles away but where I am it's due to rain this weekend.

okiedokieme Tue 02-Jun-20 12:06:38

Stay in their garden and leave after dinner, that's legal.

imsooverthisdrama Tue 02-Jun-20 12:06:46

That must be difficult for you , I've a ds teen who's severely autistic so I understand.
My son can't go out on his own I have to go with him . It's difficult with no school and not the usual clubs on .
The rules are unfortunately no overnight stays , can't you just go for the day ? I know it's a far way but it would be beneficial for your family.
My dd has seen his grandparents in the last couple of days and he was so happy but we live locally .

tactum Tue 02-Jun-20 12:10:27

No it's not allowed. I understand it's difficult but don't do it.
I'm driving 120 miles each way tomorrow to visit my terminally ill sister in her garden. It could be the last time I see her. I'm not staying over. Don't do it

Mawbags Tue 02-Jun-20 12:24:15

You could camp and wee outside?

Mawbags Tue 02-Jun-20 12:26:32

I know it’s against the rules but I can already see that lockdown has obliterated my autistic sons social skills and am trying frantically to make up for it. I understand OP

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 02-Jun-20 12:28:37

No you can’t, and having followed the rules so far doesn’t permit you leeway not to now.

But go for the day, leave early, stay late, then go home.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Tue 02-Jun-20 12:29:49

No it’s not allowed. All the back story is unfortunately entirely irrelevant.

Sally872 Tue 02-Jun-20 12:32:24

Agree it would be good for your ds to see his cousins. I think this can be achieved within the rules so no idea why you would need to stay overnight.

Shoxfordian Tue 02-Jun-20 12:35:06

None of your circumstances are relevant here, you know that nobody is supposed to be staying over with anyone else yet

MumW Tue 02-Jun-20 12:35:07

As previously mentioned, it's not allowed.

Surely, visiting a house of keyworkers will undo all the hard work you've put into sticking to the rules so far. Is it really worth the risk? Stick to Skype gatherings and stay safe.

AriettyHomily Tue 02-Jun-20 12:36:45

Why do you have to stay overnight?

JudgeRindersMinder Tue 02-Jun-20 12:37:28

If I were you, my DS’ well-being would trump the rules.

PepeSkunk Tue 02-Jun-20 12:39:43

Just go on Saturday morning, spend the day in the in garden or outside in a public place and then go home again.

Repeat on Sunday if he needs more time with them.

ChoosingHim Tue 02-Jun-20 12:39:56

Just go OP. If you're just going straight home afterwards and aren't going to be in close contact with anyone else outside your own house then there risk is very low. There are "rules" and then there is common sense. Your boy obviously needs this.

NotIncandescentWithRage Tue 02-Jun-20 12:41:10

The government rules state as follows

You cannot:

visit friends and family inside their homes
stay overnight away from your own home, except for in a limited set of circumstances, such as for work purposes

You should not go indoors unless you need the toilet or are passing through to access the garden.

If you no longer want to remain outdoors, you should go home. Don’t go into garages, sheds or cabins – these are all indoor areas and where the risk of transmission is higher.

You should not be sharing garden equipment with people outside of your household because of the risk of transmission. You could bring your own or if you have to use chairs, for example, you should wipe them down carefully with household cleaner before and after use.

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