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WIBU to snap at DSis?

(12 Posts)
PixiePowered Mon 01-Jun-20 21:21:58

To cut a long story short my DSis has always been the favourite and got away with more than I would.

To set the scene -
I borrowed some money when I moved and I repay it every single month and God help me if I forget. Over the years DSis has borrowed thousands (I'd say 2-3x) what I owe, promises to pay it back and then nothing is done and it's fine. She can do no wrong.

Lately DSis has developed this high horse that I cannot stand, she is always preaching.
For example we got a new sofa and said we were taking the old one to the dump. The old one had toddler pee and poo on it, we'd had sex on it, spilled coffee and tea stains, wine stains, juice stains and cat sick on it (obviously it had always been cleaned but it wasn't clean iykwim). It also had threads hanging off because of the cats. We decided to skip it because we wouldn't feel right with someone else having it in a poor condition. She questioned me relentlessly on this decision until I basically explained every single point.
Now, I donate to charities and help others. I've fundraised for UNICEF and always donate clothes, toys, toiletries and put in for the food bank. I do it quietly.

This is a running theme whereby she questions everything constantly if she doesn't agree.

Today my DS put a post on social media that I made him remove. I made him remove it because it was too mature for him, he didn't understand the nuances behind it and didn't want to. He had no interest in the subject and it would open him up to potential targeting. I told him we could discuss it tonight but he didn't want to.
Next minute I have DSis questioning every single decision I made. Constantly asking why, telling me that education is better than that and I should do X/Y/Z. I explained my point but not it wasn't enough, she kept pressing. As in I reiterated myself over and over for at least half an hour whilst she kept nipping at her point.

I snapped, I told her to fuck off and leave me alone. Highlighted that she had no kids and yet gave out advice like Super Nanny and she can't even train her bloody dog (it jumps constantly, still toilets in the house etc) so she has no right to comment on anyone's parenting.

My parents have taken her side as there was "no need to snap".
Aibu to think that actually, if you are going to press someone constantly then it shouldn't be a surprise when they do snap?

Yabu - shouldn't have snapped at her, she was only asking.
Yanbu - she had it coming.

OP’s posts: |
TinyPigeon Mon 01-Jun-20 21:26:18

Do you live with her? You need to stop the conversation when she starts going on at you. Either leave the room or put the phone down. It is your choice to give her the space to do this to you.

PixiePowered Mon 01-Jun-20 21:34:10

Don't live with her, it was a family WhatsApp group.
I didn't respond initially and the messages kept coming, I then answered calmly but again the bombardment of messages finally did it.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Mon 01-Jun-20 21:40:03

Why are you allowing her to bully you? Shut her down immediately. You don't owe her explanations for anything, and you know she only uses your responses as ammunition to keep attacking you. Honestly, I fail to see why you are still in contact with her. I would cut her out.

Msmcc1212 Mon 01-Jun-20 21:45:25

I feel your pain OP!! Just because you are siblings doesn’t mean you can be friends. I could go on for hours about a long list of similar things. No advice (I avoid, avoid, avoid - which probably isn’t the best course of action but it’s a lot easier than managing conversations filled with hidden emotional land mines).

YA most definitely NBU. flowerscakebrew for you.

SpeedofaSloth Mon 01-Jun-20 21:50:53

Mute the WhatsApp group, it sound like it gives her a platform to get at you.

Porridgeoat Mon 01-Jun-20 22:02:21

Best mute the WhatsApp. Read once every few days and only respond to positive nice comments Just ignore the constant questions. If she asks why just say you can’t be bothered

PixiePowered Mon 01-Jun-20 22:04:15

She can be nice and we do get on, it's just this that annoys me and I've finally had enough of her high horse and unwanted comments.

OP’s posts: |
Nottherealslimshady Mon 01-Jun-20 22:11:02

You need to stop explaining and defending yourself. "That's not up to you" "it's nothing to do with you" "I dont question you so dont question me"
With the sofa I'd have said "do you want it?... no? Then it's going to the tip."

Nottherealslimshady Mon 01-Jun-20 22:11:46

Or if it's over text, just ignore it. Dont respond.

MsVestibule Mon 01-Jun-20 22:13:44

Why do you continue to engage with her when you know his it will end? WhatsApps can be very easily ignored - you just don't respond, at all!!!

marmelade86 Mon 01-Jun-20 23:08:31

Well this sounds very frustrating OP. It must be really exhausting and annoying having her questioning and judging so many of your decisions. You must be infuriated with all her comments - in fact, why wouldn't you feel angry about this?! I think most people would feel angry at this. At the same time, your parents don't seem to have been supportive either - are you also feeling hurt and sad about this too?

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