Boasting neighbour rude to my face about my son

[fluffy71]

I live in a private square with six houses of which my husband and I own the driveway connecting us to the main road. Since lockdown I’ve had socially distanced coffee with two of the women on a couple of occasions (they meet most days) but one I find a bit of a bore as she just boasts constantly about her OH, her son, her holidays, her cake making abilities, how rich they are, etc. Anyway as we own the drive our son plays with a basketball hoop we’ve erected on our drive along with another neighbours son. We also own a wooded area opposite her house. We were speaking to our neighbours about joining forces to have a limited company in order for us all to contribute to the upkeep for wooded area and drive but It all got a bit complicated as some of the houses wanted to use the wooded area for extra parking or to use it for a entertaining space. We didn’t really want anything completed so will carry on sweeping the drive and maintaining it. Anyway to cut a long story short we’ve let the neighbours use the drive for get togethers or car washing as their house is on a very small plot with no front garden. They’ve complained about the teenagers using it and said the wooded area is an eyesore. (We’ve been waiting for 4 months to get area landscaped due to covid). So she then sees my son out with a friend last week using the hoop and she walks round to the other neighbours house and then the other neighbour texted me to say the boys weren’t socially distancing. If another child uses it she never complains. Now I’ve said her son can use it anytime but he chooses not to. She always superficially friendly but her husband literally ignores our whole family when we say hello. I normally wouldn’t give one but she said to me out on the drive at the weekend at the end of a lengthy boast about her son that even though her son is a year younger than my son, her son is a man and my son is a boy compared to him! Then got another text this morning complaining about the basketball playing. All our children are at the same school and my son tells me her son really struggles socially and my son has lots of friends and quite sociable with his peers, though he’s not very tall! Big deal. So AIBU or is she a real cow?! Why would you insult another persons child to their face about a physical attribute? I’m fuming cause I didn’t say back anything to her. I feel I let my son down. He’s a lovely looking young man who works hard at school. My OH thinks I need to chill and not have coffee with them again.

[MUM2019MARVEL]

I think when it comes to your child if something is said in a negative way or highlights a problem (true or probably not in your son's case) you will turn a bit mama bear on them..and just from what you've said here she seems a bit of a wannabe stepford wife..but just bare in mind the people that feel the need to put up false perfectionism and bring others down are the ones most damaged and is most likely going through problems with her family. Try and take what she says with a pinch of salt, I would try not to let this woman push you out of your social circle though..it may sound as though she's judging and criticizing your child but she may in fact be a bit envious of you/your family..I'd probably feel pity for the woman to have to bring others down instead of build herself up to your level..try not to let it get you down..and tell your son to get as much outside time as he can (with social distancing obviously) maybe even suggest it to the woman's child who has social issues..being outdoors works wonders with helping mental health.

[Itwasntme1]

She’s a nasty one. Keep is pleasant but distant. She will never change,

[AIMD]

In terms of the comment she made about your son that was clearly out of line. If I were you I’d address it now/when you next see her. Maybe say something along the lines of you thought it was unnecessary and upsetting. If she makes similar comment again I’d just cease communicating with her at all and tell her why.

On the whole though your op seems like there is a bit of a keeping up with the Jones vibe going on in the street. Maybe she’s feeling inadequate and so boasting about herself to make herself feel better. Maybe she’s just talking and you are interpreting it as a boast??

[Mollymalone123]

This sort of behaviour is because she is insecure and/or jealous of you.Give her a wide berth!

[YouDirtyMare]

Bloody hell, just stop
You use your space, they use theirs
Block her but carry on seeing everyone else

[imsooverthisdrama]

Take your husbands advice and don't have coffee with again .

[FATEdestiny]

Re the comment about the boys - that could just be a clumsy way of mentioning two different approaches to puberty and not meant as a "mines better than yours".

But that said, she sounds like hard work anyway.

I agree with your DH about just chilling but not about the having a coffee together bit. I'd just adopt a "Rise Above It" attitude. Smile and not, say kind things and just accept that anything else is just a projection of her own issues and not your problem.

Regarding the basketball complaints. I'd reply saying you are happy with them playing and they are not causing you any bother.

[DamnYankee]

her son that even though her son is a year younger than my son, her son is a man and my son is a boy compared to him

And her point was...?
I'm not surprised her son struggles socially . He's had a very bad example set for him. I feel sorry for the kid!

Don't engage. Maintain your distance. Develop a standard answer for almost everything she says or texts:

Mrs. Brag: "The boys are playing basketball again."
You: "Thanks for letting me know."
Mrs. Brag: "My son won a Pulitzer Prize, won a million dollars, and has been recruited by NASA."
You: "Thanks for letting me know."

[fluffy71]

Oh god, you don’t know her do you?! Every sentence is constructed in order to fit in a boast!

[AllZoomedOut]

Basket ball playing on a shared drive is really antisocial at all times but especially when people are stuck at home and some are working. We had 5 years of hours each day of thud, thud, thud of the ball from next door and any closer would have been unbearable. This time has highlighted how we all need to be considerate to our neighbours.

Maybe she just snapped.

[LudaMusser]

Firstly, she's not a friend. Secondly, from now on say hello but don't enter into any conversation

She sounds like a bitch and her husband sounds like an absolute cock

[TheYellowOfTheEgg]

I agree with AllZoomedOut. The noise of the basketball playing would be very annoying.

[copycopypaste]

I'd do more than socially distance myself from her. Be polite but cool. If she says anything further about your son, call her out on it, but politely. The other neighbours will have seen and heard what she's said about your son, it won't have gone unnoticed. They'll think she's being a bitch. Doesn't matter what she is, or isn't going through. She's not being nice.

[copycopypaste]

Basket ball might be a pain in the arse to listen to. But that doesn't excuse personal insults about her son. Wouldn't a quiet word be a lot more effective and nicer

[Yesmate]

You feel bad because you said nothing. Next time she says anything stand up to her, she won’t do it again.

[fluffy71]

Yes my son and his friend thought it was a reasonable request and have agreed not to be out there past 7 in the evening. It’s stopped now anyway as they have too much school work to do. My house doesn’t face into it so doesn’t effect us as much. But yes the spiteful comment about my son rankles and found since found out she’s said spiteful things about “short guys” when making conversation with him and his friend whilst totally blanking my son. Son just thinks she’s a silly cow. (Her “big son” never leaves the house. But yes, distancing now big time. Just hi and bye

[rawlikesushi]

I don't think the comment about your son was particularly bad tbh. If your son is shorter and still has a high voice, while her's has a beard and a six pack, then it's a fair observation and not necessarily critical.

But the bragging must be hard to take. Are you sure you don't engage in it too?

You're probably annoying in your own way though op - eyesore woodland, basketball on a shared drive, kids not socially distancing,

[cheesyrats]

It's not eyesore woodland, it's a nature reserve.

(Actually it will be full of nesting birds and fledglings at the moment so perhaps that's not all that far from the truth)

[fluffy71]

Yeah I can see that point of view too. But no I don’t boast!!

[fluffy71]

And it’s not really a shared drive as we own it.

[AllZoomedOut]

And it’s not really a shared drive as we own it

Thats not the issue with basketball- the noise is.