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DD is too obsessed with TA?

(8 Posts)
Tearingmyhairout0110 Mon 01-Jun-20 15:51:45

I have a 5 year old with fairly complex SEN. The only member of staff in school who makes her feel safe is this TA. It was catastrophic over lockdown when the TA hasn't been in. She's been back in for the past 2 weeks and DD is back to being perfect there and whilst I'm glad not to be having my child lashing out so badly at school she is solely reliant on this one TA.

At home we have a visual which includes a picture of this TA. She has to know where it is at all times. She wakes in the night looking for it. She cant function in school without knowing where she is. On school nights she is so anxious about this TA being in she doesn't sleep until 5am-ish. She is terrified of this TA telling her off, not because the TA does it badly but because she can't handle it from this TA.

She can't function at school without her and now she's in a bubble with her for the next 7 weeks and I'm so worried we are making it worse.

Aibu to be worried or should I just be glad she feels safe at school?

OP’s posts: |
Windyatthebeach Mon 01-Jun-20 15:54:00

Could you ask the ta for a personal item for dc to have? A scarf maybe?
When ds was settling into nursery they suggested I hang one of mine on his peg for reassurance.. Maybe could work for your dc..
*no experience of sn so maybe a rubbish idea!

SleepingStandingUp Mon 01-Jun-20 15:55:29

L 0

Boulshired Mon 01-Jun-20 16:07:13

She is too obsessed but right at this moment it’s probably best to let it go and work at ways in the summer holidays. If she is coping and you want her to go to school then carry on but speak to the TA about the discipline so she knows of the upset and she can work at ways to have boundaries and enforce them with as little upset as possible.

pinksquash13 Mon 01-Jun-20 16:10:15

Sounds really difficult. I totally understand where you're coming from. What if the TA leaves? However at least your DD is happy at school and what could you realistically do to change the current situation without upsetting her. I'd let the TA know your concerns so the TA can gradually try to help build other positive adult-child relationships for your daughter.

Tearingmyhairout0110 Mon 01-Jun-20 16:22:22

I don't even know what to do about it but where she's so desperate to please the TA she's holding it in at school and now I'm getting the extreme explosiveness at home again. So whilst ok the surface she appears to be coping better in school she isn't actually because it's just coming out at home instead as she doesn't want to disappoint the TA. I'm so frustrated.

OP’s posts: |
cabbageking Mon 01-Jun-20 16:44:41

Speak to the school.

They can introduce others to her safety net, put strategies in place and work out what it is this TA has that others need to develop to make her feel safe.

Rosebel Mon 01-Jun-20 16:45:32

I'd be concerned because what if the TA isn't in her class next year? Or leaves? Can you arrange a phone call with the TA to discuss this. It seems like your daughter has become too obsessed with this one staff member and I'm not sure that's good for her. Does your daughter actually need to be at school?

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