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To think they can't have it ALL together??

(28 Posts)
mermaidparadise Mon 01-Jun-20 15:33:19

Just in general I have a few friends who come across as having it ALL together
House- nicely decorated and tidy/organised
Children- good tempered and cooperative
Money wise- stable with savings
Laundry- always on top of it!
Garden- always neat and tidy
Hair,nails and teeth etc- perfect!
And they are always so full of energy and getting things done!

Meanwhile, my laundry is done but my dc are running wild...
The garden is a mess from all the kids playing out etc
My hair is a mess as it needs a cut, we are decorating so the house is a WARZONE!!

Are three just lucky or do much better at adulting than I am?? I feel so tired by the DC's bedtime... but can't think of what I accomplished most days 😫

OP’s posts: |
BumpBundle Mon 01-Jun-20 15:36:05

Hahahahhahahhahahhahahahahaha. No. I'm one of those people. It's a lie, a sham, a facade. I have an app to make me look skinnier and healthier and more beautiful in photos. Camera angles avoid mess on FaceTime or photos. Laundry is hidden, sometimes in the attic. No one has it ALL together unless they're paying someone else to keep it together for them and that doesn't count.

LadyofMisrule Mon 01-Jun-20 16:43:33

I pay for someone to help with the cleaning and the gardening.

My life still looks sh*t.

MynephewR Mon 01-Jun-20 16:59:00

People probably think I have it all together, a lot of it is luck tbh. I got lucky with my hair, teeth and skin. I got lucky with my kids temprements, they are both quite easy going. My husband does loads around the house and is very sensible with money, I'm not as sensible but he has taught me over the years so I'm not quite so hopeless these days. Because my kids are easy going I have time to spend on housework and beautifying myself.

To give myself credit:
I'm quite ruthless with clutter and everything has a place so my house is always quick and easy to tidy, also easy to clean because there isn't much clutter.
I do at least one load of washing a day, and put away yesterday's washing each day. That is how I keep on top of the washing.
I exercise about 6 times a week, jogging, Pilates and Zumba. I eat terribly but the exercise just about balances it out and keeps me quite toned.

Toomuch2019 Mon 01-Jun-20 17:02:30

Agree with others.
It’s either
(a) facade
(b) they don’t sleep
(c) have a husband who does much more than the average male
Probably (a)! I have (c) and still don’t seem to be that together!!!

HappyDinosaur Mon 01-Jun-20 17:03:10

I hide washing in a cupboard if needs be, although I suspect I'm not one of the people who would even look like they had it all together. The lounge is currently covered in toys, I'm behind on my uni work and I forgot to defrost the meat so we are having pizza for dinner today!grin

Colom Mon 01-Jun-20 17:32:28

My mum was one such person. She was always so busy though - I'm much too lazy to emulate her! When she comes to my house and helps with my DC it's obvious how she managed it - she's ten times quicker at everything. I feel like quite the sloth in comparison.

For instance I let them stay in the bath for however long they want while I sit on the toilet browsing mumsnet with a cup of tea. She does no such thing! It's go go go. Very efficient and bags of energy. I just don't have that. Plus she's naturally beautiful and always was so while she always looked after herself, even if I did the same as she did I would never look as "put together" as I simply didn't luck out on the genetics side sad

managedmis Mon 01-Jun-20 17:33:52

You can't have it all. It's impossible. You can only APPEAR to have it all. Social media makes this easy

Selfsettling3 Mon 01-Jun-20 17:35:21

Imagine stable money and cooperative children makes the other things on your list easier.

022828MAN Mon 01-Jun-20 17:38:54

I don't know how either. There's 2 specific people I have in mind who I do know personally but not well enough to actually know the truth.
Everything just seems so easy and hunky dorey for them - the perfect house, the perfect family, always baking, making, doing with their kids, both slim, attractive, stylish etc.
Meanwhile here's me still in my pj's and eating mini cheddars with Branston pickle, browsing mumsnet, haven't even brushed my teeth today 😂
It's a mystery!

isseywith4vampirecats Mon 01-Jun-20 17:43:38

At the moment we are having a new kitchen installed so my house is 1/3 of the contents of the kitchen upstairs in OHs office, 2/3 in the front lounge all over the place, bare walls no electric no water in the kitchen plaster dust everywhere the patio outside is covered in the old units as we cant take them down the tip yet, normally my house is clean and fairly tidy its driving me mad

isseywith4vampirecats Mon 01-Jun-20 17:45:10

my friend who has the lifestyle you describe spend hours cleaning things that are clean she has OCD and anxiety and I couldn't live like that

Pipandmum Mon 01-Jun-20 17:46:33

Yes I have a friend like that - full time job, always looks well groomed, runs every day, house immaculate, garden perfect. Her husband does his share, her kids (all have SEN to some degree, but one is at uni now) are well behaved and organised.
But she never stops. To get her run in she is up well before 6am, she never allows herself to lounge around or have a lie in, there's never a tea cup in the sink waiting to be washed up. She once found herself at tesco at 5am as she had a busy day (when she told me I finally convinced her that online shopping really was worth it). She gets stressed if things aren't going right, though she manages to always convey a 'no problem' attitude. Her husband is a neat freak and quite likely that has rubbed off on the kids. But but but. I'm not sure such a hyperactive lifestyle is desirable. It makes me think one loose thread and it will all tumble down (though to her credit she has had difficult times: her husband has had skin cancer, her mother early onset dementia etc). It's just not my lifestyle.

GreenTulips Mon 01-Jun-20 17:48:18

I have a few friends like this.

Kids aren’t allowed toys or mud or anything remotely interesting!

They don’t get dirty for fear of being told off

It’s no way to live

We have kids round who’ve never been allowed to be upside down on the sofa!!

And yes my washing is piled up behind the sofa

dayslikethese1 Mon 01-Jun-20 17:50:32

No-one has everything under control OP. I guarantee these people have something they struggle with.

weewinnie Mon 01-Jun-20 18:00:22

No one has it all together all the time.. but u have my shit MORE together since I learnt how to implement good habits and routines.
I say learnt because it's a whole process to know how to make them stick

022828MAN Mon 01-Jun-20 18:07:38


Any words of advice or recommended sources? I'd love to get a hold of things a bit better!

BogRollBOGOF Mon 01-Jun-20 18:08:25

I have it all... strewn across every surface of my home grin

Most are playing at window dressing.
Some plough from one thing to another out of anxiety or well organised neurodiversity.
Some are just highly motivated.

Mainly window dressing though.

mermaidparadise Mon 01-Jun-20 18:09:02

@022828MAN 🤣🤣🤣 love it!!!

OP’s posts: |
FangsForTheMemory Mon 01-Jun-20 18:09:29

I'm single and no kids. My house still looks like a pigsty most of the time.

Ireolu Mon 01-Jun-20 18:15:55

My child is an unruly threenager
And my hairdresser has been closed for 10 weeks so I look an absolute mess.
I sincerely doubt that anyone truly has it all together.

weewinnie Mon 01-Jun-20 18:51:55

I read an article about how to build habits but I can't remember where I found it to link.
Basically to create a habit you need a trigger, the process and then reward.
The easiest habits to build have robust triggers (that happen the same every day. E.g waking up in the morning/a specific time of day/after school run whatever) the process (is the actual habit you want to build) and then the reward is the reward for doing the process.
Habits that you do automatically usually have the reward BUILT IN to the process. So that's why people do them. Like go for a run but their reward is that they love to run/endorphins etc. If you don't feel that, create another reward attached to the habit you want to create. Then basically it's trial and error. Any time to break the habit, write down (actually write it) why you broke it. What circumstance/excuse you gave and then tweak your trigger/process/reward until it works. Eventually you won't need willpower to make you do it. You'll do it automatically. But only build one at a time and start small. My life feels so much less hectic now I always do the dishwasher first thing, have an exercise/"me time" schedule, washing routine/cleaning routine etc. Sounds boring to be routine focused but it's so much CALMER just going on autopilot and getting shit done. I don't need to beat myself up or make one thousand decisions a second

weewinnie Mon 01-Jun-20 18:53:03

Wow that was long. Sorry forgot to tag you @022828MAN

EsmaeDe Mon 01-Jun-20 18:55:17

Haha anyone that says they have it together is lying, and those that look like they do are probably having a good 5 minutes!!
We have 6 children and another on the way, we live in 3 different countries and then some and we have called it unorganised chaos!! But I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

highmarkingsnowbile Mon 01-Jun-20 18:58:10

They have money, no health problems and tons of energy, and are lucky to have NT kids.

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