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Am I unusual to want to remain childfree?!

(178 Posts)
C1239 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:11:10

Just that really, I’m mid 30s, have two SS who are 8 and 10, I enjoy my relationship with them, I have been in their lives since they were 2 & 3. I enjoy spending family time with them but also love the times when it’s just my partner and I. I have never imagined having my own biological children yet people often comment that I ll regret this or if I enjoy being a stepmum why don’t I have my ‘own’.

Surely it’s ok to enjoy being a stepmum without wanting to be a biological mum 24/7?!

OP’s posts: |
Poptart4 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:14:20

It's not at all unusual. I know quite afew child free women in their 30's, 40's & 50's. And they are perfectly happy with their lives.

Having children is not for everyone and I say that as a mother of 4.

WhatATimeToBeAlive Mon 01-Jun-20 11:16:50

Not at all - it's really not unusual these days. I'm early 50s and never wanted kids and still don't regret my choice. A lot of friends my age don't have them either and that was also their choice.

Juliet2014 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:16:53

Oh come on OP.


As if you’re being unreasonable.

TheGoogleMum Mon 01-Jun-20 11:21:26

It is totally fine to not want your own children! I have a friend who got guilted into having a child her partner wanted when she had been up front about never wanting children and her mental health has suffered as a result. If you don't want kids please don't have them! I think more and more people are choosing not to have kids now it isnt so unusual

Plummy987 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:30:11

I'm mid thirties too, and don't want kids. Sadly I think some people are still quite judgemental about women in particular remaining childfree and it's something I struggle with sometimes too.

violetbunny Mon 01-Jun-20 11:32:13

I'm 39, have been with DP for 8 years, no kids. I agree people can be quite judgemental. If they ask why I don't have kids then I just say it's because I prefer cats... which is 100% true winkgrin

Dozer Mon 01-Jun-20 11:33:36

Not at all U for anyone not to want biological (or indeed any!) DC! Probably much simpler not to for your family’s set up, that sounds to be working well.

Bear in mind though that should your relationship with your partner break down, or other unfortunate events, you may not have much ongoing contact with your step DC, that sometimes happens.

PenCreed Mon 01-Jun-20 11:35:20

A lot of people can't comprehend that others have different preferences to them and make different life choices. Like people who are staggered that some people like to spend two weeks sunbathing by a pool, whilst they prefer to do all the touristy stuff and vice-versa. Or people who can't imagine why someone would want to live in the country not the city etc etc etc. It's just that with having children, it's still assumed that most people will (and indeed, most people do) so it's even harder for them to contemplate that not everyone wants to do it.

It's tedious. Not everyone is the same and makes the same choices, that's what makes life interesting.

Helmlover1 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:35:22

Not unusual at all. I’m in my 30s, child free and have a great life. Sadly, however, I know many people who regret having kids and you don’t have to look far on this site alone to know the grass is not always greener. Be proud of your choices OP.

Dozer Mon 01-Jun-20 11:35:47

People can be so rude asking about or passing comment on others’ personal business!

sammylady37 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:37:22

Not at all unusual. I’m very happily childfree at 40 and know others who are the same, and I have interacted with many similar people online.

Prepare to be judged, criticised, belittled, be good you don’t know your own mind, that your life is empty and meaningless, asked who’ll look after you when you’re old and asked why you’re on a forum called MUMSnet on this thread though! That’s the way these threads usually go. I like to call it breeder bingo grin

Zombiemum1946 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:37:34

Your life, your choice. Simple.

sammylady37 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:37:55

be ^told you don’t know...

togglethis Mon 01-Jun-20 11:40:30

Not unusual, but why you’d ask the question on a parenting site is a bit odd IMO.

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me.

june2007 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:41:04

Not unusual at all. I know two sets of sisters my age, who don,t have any children between them. I do kind of feal sorry for the grandparents. I Sometimes it,s choice, but best not to pry because sometimes it,s not.

Heroicasymphony Mon 01-Jun-20 11:44:28

'breeder' hmm

Of course you're not unreasonable to exercise personal choice over your own reproductive system and family life OP.

sammylady37 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:47:14

Not unusual, but why you’d ask the question on a parenting site is a bit odd IMO

Didn’t take long! hmm

EmpressLangClegInChair Mon 01-Jun-20 11:48:33

Not at all, I’m in my mid-40s and happy every day that I stuck with my instincts & stayed childfree.

Heroicasymphony Mon 01-Jun-20 11:50:28

Oh and not unusual at all either. 20% of women under age 45 don't have children, more so within your own age group and the birth rate has never been lower. If you really want to be an outlier, you should be having four or more. smile

Sparklesocks Mon 01-Jun-20 11:52:53

It’s not unusual, lots of people choose to be child free. And you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone.

Cam2020 Mon 01-Jun-20 11:53:00

Better to know that you want to be child free now, rather than after having children! I think it will become less uncommon the more women get out of the ticklist mindset of: find a man, get married, have children that's been ingrained in us for generations. If you want those things, or any combination of those things, great, but it's not the be-all and end-all for everyone. Life would be boring if we all had the same aspirations and passions.

Heroicasymphony Mon 01-Jun-20 11:54:39

Sorry - that should say 20% of 45 yo women ie women at the end of reproductive age.

Sparklesocks Mon 01-Jun-20 11:54:59

Your choice, but in some cases people who don’t have children never really grow up IMO. You will no doubt violently disagree with me.

I don’t think this is unique to child free people. I know some parents who act like absolute children in all honesty.

Froq Mon 01-Jun-20 11:55:45

There’s a family on my street that have basically screeched and cried all day everyday during lockdown. Our next door neighbours commented that it has officially put them off having kids grin


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