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AIBU to meet up with someone when I'm uncertain about the man I'm seeing

(4 Posts)
Cassavaflower Mon 01-Jun-20 10:14:32

Morning all
I have no mum so I can't discuss this with her and my friends are all polar opposites and stressing me out so I'm asking you as proxy friends. Please be gentle!
I wrote about meeting a much younger man a few months ago. He is amazing, he is everything and I love him and want to be with him. However in the early days it was a bit rocky and he was a bit hot and cold so I joined a Muslim marriage website out of frustration.
I was in contact with a couple of men but nothing serious. In the meantime the younger guy declared his love. All great.
But one of the guys from the website has been in touch.
I've chatted to him and I don't really like the sound of him but he is right for me on paper. I haven't met him obviously so I don't know if there would be any chemistry.
Not sure whether I should at least meet him? If I meet him does that mean I don't love the man I'm with? And to avoid drip feeding I have been in a long relationship with a man who just wanted to meet up but had no intention of committing to me.
I do love my younger man and would want nothing more than him to be with him forever but given his age I worry he is not ready to settle down or once the honeymoon period is over he will run off with a younger model and I will end up alone in the long run. I'm 50 he is 35.
The Muslim guy is 45.
I have been alone for 15 years and now two men come along at the same time.
What would you do- heart or head?

Aibu to meet this new guy?

OP’s posts: |
UnfinishedSymphon Mon 01-Jun-20 10:25:02

So many questions!

Not sure why mentioning he's muslim matters?
I don't really like the sound of him, so why even entertain him?
So because your younger man might not want to settle down, you'll settle for anybody?
You've only just started chatted to the new man and he's right for you on paper?

What is your situation i.e. house, job etc.? And what is the younger man's situation?

hadtojoin Mon 01-Jun-20 11:10:38

Of course anyone can seem right 'on paper' as they can write anything they want to. Go with your instinct, if after chatting you 'don't really like the sound of him' then drop him. There are plenty of other men around including your BF. You may decide that your younger man is not suitable either but I would carry on seeing him and see how things progress after lockdown.

zscaler Mon 01-Jun-20 11:32:59

If you’re seeing someone, you shouldn’t be meeting up with anyone else unless the man you’re seeing knows you are and is ok with it (in which case your relationship must be very casual, and it’s a bit soon to be worrying about whether or not it means you love him).

I don’t think you should entertain the older man just because he’s right on paper. If you don’t actually like the sound of him, you have nothing to gain by wasting your time with him.

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