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To report this woman

(116 Posts)
KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 22:31:15

My husband and I took our kids to a local car park for some practice cycling. car park was mostly empty and we were there around an hour, both practicing with one kid each.

I half noticed a car arrive and park up a little while after we arrived. Didn't see the owners- was with wobbly 4 year old. 5 mins later I noticed the car doors were all open, and there was a little boy in the car. I assumed someone else was in the car with him.

About 10 mins after that, the boy started making some noises- animal type fun noises. I remember thinking that his parent must be one of the people over on the other side of the car park chatting. But another ten minutes later those people left and I saw the boy sort of hanging out of the car door sort of smiling and checking out what our kids were up to.

Dh and I mentioned this to each other at that stage as we passed each other by with our dc, wondering if we just couldn't see the boys adults, if he was ok etc. Assumed we should just keep out of it.

Around 10 mins later as we were starting to get ready to go, two ladies go over to the car and I realise it's the lady who runs a nursery my daughter used to go to for a while a few years ago.

The boy in the car was her son, who I remembered has additional needs. She lives around the corner from the car park but wouldn't have been able to see him from their home.

We waved and they drove off.

My husband feels strongly we should report her. He feels that not only did she leave her son in danger, but also because she is in a position of huge responsibility taking care of other people's kids, and her judgement is obviously totally off. Her nursery is run from a forest, so it's even more important that she is on the ball and aware of danger.

I suppose I feel the same, but I'm finding it hard to say yes to reporting her. She's lovely, passionate about what she does, and on one level I just don't feel she deserves to be reported to social services for what may have been a momentary lapse.

AIBU to pause before reporting this lady?

OP’s posts: |
HappyHammy Sun 31-May-20 22:39:17

Report her for what. Maybe she could see him in the car. Are you thinking they went home and just abandoned him.

KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 22:46:25

The thing is the car park isn't overlooked - there is no way she could see him. It's over the brow of a bridge, I know where she lives. It's around a corner.

I guess report her for leaving her young child out of sight in a vulnerable position for a significant amount of time? I have been trying to explain it away, and just do nothing, so opinions genuinely being taken on.

OP’s posts: |
CyberNan Sun 31-May-20 22:46:43

are you saying she left a child with additional needs alone, unsupervised in a car? if you are, then yes, of course you should report her...

tensmum1964 Sun 31-May-20 22:47:21

I don't quite understand. Did she leave him alone in the car? Also where would she have gone given that she parked in a carpark, was it a carpark for a shop? Sorry I'm not clear about your description.

KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 22:48:36

I am yes. That is what happened.
It was at least 20 mins, all the doors were open, and cars were coming in and out of car park throughout. I even thought well maybe she saw us and thought we'd keep an eye out. But from how she reacted when she came back it was clear she hadn't known we were there (surprised face, wave, etc)

OP’s posts: |
KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 22:49:45

It's a cat park, with a road full of shops around a corner a v short walk away- over a small bridge. You can't see the car park from the shops.

OP’s posts: |
RedHelenB Sun 31-May-20 22:50:51

Are you sure there was no one else in the car? Sounds a bit strange that they left a car in a random carpark for an hour with the doors unlocked and a young child with special needs in it. Did you not think of asking was he ok?

PepeSkunk Sun 31-May-20 22:50:53

Of course you should report it! There a not a doubt in my mind that you should report it.

KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 22:51:50

Yes he was in the car alone. In the back seat, not in a seat belt as he was in different positions each time I looked. And at one point he was hanging out. I was sure for a while he must not be alone, but it dawned on me he definitely was. Then she and a friend came back. Hadn't seen them leave.

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KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 22:54:37

It was strange and for a while I assumed he had someone there, then we thought a group of people over on the other side must be associated with the car, then they left and we realised they weren't. This all took place over about half an hour I guess? It was so surreal to think a boy was in an open car that I think it took a long time to seem real? It's not a random car park to them, it's v near her home.

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SquirtleSquad Sun 31-May-20 22:55:54

How old is this boy?

KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 23:00:04

Im really sorry if I'm being unclear.

He looked around 8/9 and I remember her having a son with special needs around that age. He didn't leave the car, so I would guess she "knows" he is safe in the car? The last thing I want to do is bring a report like this into her life. But I also am quite shocked about the situation and how normal/relaxed she was when she and her friend came back to the car. He was definitely alone. When it dawned on me I hadn't seen any adult there, I sort of hovered with my dc around there in as discrete a way possible to check.

OP’s posts: |
HeddaGarbled Sun 31-May-20 23:02:26

Why would she drive to a car park round the corner from her home and then walk home without her son and then walk back after a while and then drive home again?

You didn’t see where she was, where she went nor where she came from. You’ve made up a scenario in your head but your imaginary scenario seems the least likely to have actually happened in reality.

TitianaTitsling Sun 31-May-20 23:03:11

So it might not be her son?

KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 23:04:44

The fact is he was alone in the car for 20 mins or so.
I don't know why she left or if her friend brought him and went to meet his mum, I haven't thought about those bits. The boy was in the car, unbuckled, with the doors all open, for a long enough amount of time for us to slowly notice, and wonder.

OP’s posts: |
KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 23:06:22

There is a chance it wasn't her son.
Maybe it was her friends son. Very true.

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ChipotleBlessing Sun 31-May-20 23:07:06

I thought you were talking about a 3 year old. 9??

PickwickThePlockingDodo Sun 31-May-20 23:07:46

He's around nine? I thought it was a little tot. No I wouldn't report that, if he was just waiting in the car while his mum popped home for something.

KangaFandanga Sun 31-May-20 23:08:24

Is that ok with a 9 year old? Ours are all much younger so appreciate we don't actually know!

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LastTrainEast Sun 31-May-20 23:08:45

Since she was so relaxed about it maybe there's a factor you don't know about. Some reason why she felt perfectly safe to leave him there.

Just for example suppose you reported her and it turned out there was an older child stretched out on the back seat doing their homework.

Footywife Sun 31-May-20 23:10:44

I think you need to get on with your own life and stop trying to interfere in others. You're making a scenario here based on assumptions. By your own admission you don't 'know' what you saw.....you're assuming an awful lot.

Pomegranateseeds Sun 31-May-20 23:12:39

It COULD be that she did something that lacked judgement here. On the other hand, leaving a 9 year old in a car with their ipad or something while you go for a half hr walk is not a big deal. It’s only the SEN that makes it concerning to me. And you don’t know the extent of the SEN.

DocusDiplo Sun 31-May-20 23:12:52

Isn't the term "additional need" a brod umbrellai men, perhaps the boy has mild additional needs and preferred to sit in the car while the mother shopped , especially with the virus around.

DocusDiplo Sun 31-May-20 23:13:12

*broad umbrella term

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