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On the brink of breaking lockdown - what would you do

(108 Posts)
MyNameForToday1980 Sun 31-May-20 00:21:06

We've stuck by rules of lockdown to the letter. As have my parents.

DM and DDad are keen to visit tomorrow.

DM has been shielding (she's on the list). They're desperate to see DS. DM has been asking for several weeks to visit, I've said no; partly to do our civic duty, partly to protect her.

There is a good chance that this is the safest possible time for them to visit as DS returns to nursery next week when our lockdown bubble will be broken.

We've been working form home with DS(3) since the week before lockdown officially started. DS hasn't even been in a shop since the start, DH and I have each been to the shops twice in the however-many-weeks it is now. Literally no other contact with people.

We WOULD NOT be socially distancing in the garden (not big enough) but we are not a particularly physically close/huggy family.

I know it's breaking the rules. And until yesterday I wouldn't even have considered it.

But it dawned on me, if we don't do it now, DM and DDad might not be able to visit until there's a vaccine, and there's a fair chance DM won't make it that long (not terminally ill, but long term immuno compromised with underlying conditions).


YABU - don't do it
YANBU - do it, take reasonable precautions

OP’s posts: |
OwlinaTree Sun 31-May-20 00:23:34

I'd do it. Could you meet somewhere else so you could socially distance? Or is the house better for your mum?

TheThingWithFeathers Sun 31-May-20 00:25:29

I'd do it too.

MojoMoon Sun 31-May-20 00:25:30

Meet in a park?

KylieKoKo Sun 31-May-20 00:25:54

A member of my family died last week who we hadn't seen for weeks as they had been shielding. Do it. I wish I had.

Marshmallow91 Sun 31-May-20 00:26:09

If I were in your position, I'd do it.

shinynewapple2020 Sun 31-May-20 00:26:07

Even if your garden is small I would still try to meet outside if possible , but yes, if your mum is happy to meet then I would do so, as you say, I wish probably the safest Toney.

shinynewapple2020 Sun 31-May-20 00:27:05

WTF? That was meant to say now is probably the safest time

ChipotleBlessing Sun 31-May-20 00:28:09

Do it, definitely

RJnomore1 Sun 31-May-20 00:32:50

I genuinely wouldn’t, as if anything happens to your mother in the next few weeks you’d blame yourself whether or not it was this.

However it’s extreme unfair of her to put you in this position. Very selfish 💐

Greenmarmalade Sun 31-May-20 00:38:20

I’d do it.

AriettyHomily Sun 31-May-20 00:40:34

Do it. In fact I'm doing the same
Tomorrow although are garden sounds slightly bigger but by no means huge.

My step dad is elderly, probably but got many years left and I want to see him and my kids want to see him and he wants to see them. What's the point in living life in a cell? Time to risk assess and decide for each family.

FlyAwayLikeABird Sun 31-May-20 00:41:13

No need to even ask. Just do it.

Whichoneofyoudidthat Sun 31-May-20 00:42:46


ItsGoingTibiaK Sun 31-May-20 00:43:34

I wouldn't put my immuno-compromised mother, with underlying conditions, at any unnecessary risk, no.

itsbetterthanabox Sun 31-May-20 00:44:55

If you do do it definately do it outside and sit as far away as you physically can from each other.
Being outside makes a huge difference in terms of transmission.

Playdonut Sun 31-May-20 00:46:58

I think that your mum is an adult and she wants to see you so that's the decision made really! I'm not sure there is much else you can do.

PastMyBestBeforeDate Sun 31-May-20 00:47:58

Shielding people are having their advisory isolation relaxed a bit on Monday I think so I would go for it. In a park if you can but in the garden if not.

howlatthetrees Sun 31-May-20 00:48:14

I’d do it

SnoozyLou Sun 31-May-20 00:50:19

We went to see my parents in their garden last weekend. I did it on the basis that we’ve all been socially distancing as far as possible, and with the easing of restrictions and school reopenings - it all seems so rushed. I can just see transmission rates soaring all over again in a few weeks, lockdown reintroduced, and then months until we could see them again.

madroid Sun 31-May-20 00:53:06

I'd do it too. As the Cumwit said, it's all only guidance anyway and you can use your judgement.

You could wear facemasks to decrease risk... altho it sounds like there isn't any risk anyway.

cornish009 Sun 31-May-20 00:56:33

My husband is in the shielding group, and to protect him as much as possible the rest of the household have been shielding too - no one has been out since mid March. We were talking about this today and decided this weekend is the safest it can be for my husband. As it's very likely deaths will rise again over the next few weeks, I would (in your case) see your parents THIS weekend, rather than leave it. I understand how your parents must feel as I am desperate to hug my grandson, so just make sure you all are really sensible. And have a good time together!!

cornish009 Sun 31-May-20 01:07:07

However it’s extreme unfair of her to put you in this position. Very selfish

I am not sure I would describe someone who has shielded for all these weeks as selfish. It's been incredibly difficult both practically and emotionally. I never imagined that we would have to live a life where for three months we have not left the house, especially not seeing our children and beloved grandchildren. And knowing it may be many months, maybe years, before we can hug them again is hell. And it seems the OP's mother has accepted the OP's decision not to visit up until now. No, selfish is driving to Durham!! This weekend is the safest it is going to be for some time and maybe there won't be another chance for the OP and her parents to see each other for some while.

ThisIsAQuestion Sun 31-May-20 01:11:28

I have also thought that this is the time to see family I've not seen for a while, as cases will probably go up and we may end up in lockdown again.
But then I think if everyone is having the same thoughts and if we all do it then cases will definitely go up!
I almost feel like I need to hide away even more to compensate for all those who will go way beyond the rules - don't really mean people on this thread, more the people organising big parties or going to the beach en masse hmm

Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow Sun 31-May-20 01:15:42

Meet in an outside space then you get to see each other but able to distance and all have peace of mind.

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