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To think my baby is behind.

(91 Posts)
SideEyeing Sat 30-May-20 14:44:54

Hi there,

I can't decide whether I'm being overly anxious or not. My 6mo baby girl (born at 39w) seems to be lagging behind other babies in terms of development. I'm reluctant to take her to the GP given the whole pandemic situation but it's really eating me up and causing a lot of anxiety. She's just starting solids now but is otherwise EBF.

She started smiling around seven weeks and properly laughing at about 4.5m. She doesnt babble using consonants much but will make occasional ma or ba sounds. She will babble more if her hands are in her mouth but otherwise its still very much "ning" "aaaah" or "wuh" sounds.

Physically she can roll tummy to back and mastered that properly a couple of weeks ago, though she did do it once or twice at around four months. She can't roll back to stomach, which worries me because friends with babies up to six weeks younger all seem to have mastered this. She grabs her feet a lot but can't put them in her mouth (she's pretty chunky though). Recently she's become really clingy so I can't leave her on her mat for any length of time to practise getting stronger or rolling because she just bawls. She can sit with a bit of support but topples after a few seconds without it.

Her grasping at toys is good and she can play quite well with her activity centre, albeit mostly by smashing it with her hands. She will drop stuff on the floor so that I'll retrieve it and bar being very clingy and needy atm (age?) she's pretty happy and smiley.

I feel crap because I'm worrying nearly all the time. I wish I knew what "normal" was but it seems unlikely to me that she is on track when literally every baby I know around her age is significantly ahead of her in two or three areas. I'm not competitive, I just feel there is something wrong and I don't know how I'd get help if there was in the current situation. Every time another mum friend sends a pic of their 5mo doing another thing that seems miles off for dd I cry.

I should probably point out I'm receiving support for PND but I feel like because of that the GP and HV write off my concerns. I adore my daughter and love her more than anything and I don't care about her being "advanced" - I just want to know she's okay and whether I should expect that she will struggle later on when it comes to school.

I'm worried I'll get roasted for being pathetic. I just don't know where else to vent or ask.

OP’s posts: |
LouiseTrees Sat 30-May-20 14:53:25

Can you get down on/near the mat with her as to me that seems the only thing that might be a bit behind (although I have a friend whose baby still doesn’t do that at 7.5 months)? I have a 6month old (nearly 7 month was old) who is very quiet so yours is probably ahead there. The sitting up strong might take a little while to perfect, mines still doesn’t but it is longer than it was a few weeks ago- seems like you are on track there. I suspect that these other people you know only show what the baby can do and neglect that not every baby does all of them and therefore don’t concentrate on what they can’t do.

mumsneedwine Sat 30-May-20 14:53:43

My brother didn't utter a word until he was 4 and started school still in nappies. He went to Oxford and is now very rich. Sometimes babies just do stuff in their own good time.

AppleKatie Sat 30-May-20 14:56:51

She doesn’t sound behind to me at all. Mine was similar to yours and I remember the ‘fear’. Everyone told me I was overreacting and I wasn’t happy.

They were right though. Try to relax and IMO at the moment the HV would take a watch and wait approach as she’s so long, you can do that and keep monitoring development.

TinyPigeon Sat 30-May-20 14:59:57

That all sounds perfectly normal. Other people brag and exaggerate about their babies.

Have you already spoken to your HV about your concerns? I wonder if you think they are being dismissive when really it's just that there is honestly nothing to worry about?

Suzie6789 Sat 30-May-20 15:01:27

She sounds fine to me, I don’t think any of mine ever rolled from tummy to back. In fact they all hated being in their tummy and would just face plant and scream so I never made them.
At 7 months my DS in particular became extremely clingy and would cry every time I went out if his sight - it’s a development stage.
I would stop comparing your DD to others, honestly no one’s baby does things to a set timetable

Thesearmsofmine Sat 30-May-20 15:02:19

She just sounds like an average baby. What are your actual concerns? What are you worried she is behind with?

SideEyeing Sat 30-May-20 15:03:08

Thank you for the replies. My friends are trying to reassure me and I think my husband is getting really impatient as it's dominating every second of conversation when she's napping etc.

@LouiseTrees She used to play quite well on the mat but recently has started wanting to be held all the time. I feel guilty because she had horrendous reflux for the first 4m so got next to no tummy time. Now that she can roll front to back she hardly does any because she can escape..! But if I put her on her back she gets angry and frustrated and yells. I get down next to her but it's like she's just pissed off that I won't pick her up.

I wish I could chill out.

OP’s posts: |
Evasmummy2019 Sat 30-May-20 15:03:17

My girl is 23w and can't sit up yet or babble in constanents. She can't roll. I'm bit worried because she's my first I have nothing to compare her do those things when she is ready. So will yours. All we can do is encourage and do lots of play and tummy time etc. I also have pnd and ptsd

Embracelife Sat 30-May-20 15:03:30

She sounds fine op and I had two babies who were behind one just physical one physical and cognitive.

Tilly28 Sat 30-May-20 15:03:52

All sounds completely normal. Iv got a 6 month old (third baby!) and she doesn’t roll at all yet and is pretty crap at tummy time! She is starting to sit up fairly well but after 5 mins or so will start to fold at the middle! I think all babies are just so different, none of mine have particularly been rollers. Preferring to sit and then crawl! Try not to worry :-)

negomi90 Sat 30-May-20 15:05:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarfLadysBag Sat 30-May-20 15:05:50

Sounds normal to me. DD didn't roll properly till about eight months! But she's walking perfectly on schedule. Babies just do things at different times.

SideEyeing Sat 30-May-20 15:05:53

@Thesearmsofmine I suppose I'm worried there's something wrong with her physically - that she's not strong enough to do what other babies can (she has a pretty massive head which worried me for a while but her body seems to have caught up now). We had to have her seen by the paediatrician when she was born as she has a sacral dimple that was close to some hair (it was fine, she shed the hair and the dimple is closed) but I can't shake the idea that there's something wrong, that she's got physical or congitive delays, that I didn't try hard enough when I gave birth and the forceps damaged her, that I wasn't told she needed vit D drops until she was 3m so I've damaged her bones.. The list goes on.

OP’s posts: |
Embracelife Sat 30-May-20 15:07:14

And yeh for every " went to school in nappies went to oxford " there are kids who went to school in nappies and are still at age four cognitively in their 20s like my son. So I m first to say get checked.
However for now she seems fine. Give it couple months. Help her to roll from back to front with gentle nudges. Six months clingy wanting only you is normal

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees Sat 30-May-20 15:07:38

I’m a nursery nurse. Worked with babies for 15years and now have two children of my own. Your baby sounds perfect normal to me.

Sugarhouse Sat 30-May-20 15:08:03

Please don’t worry I worried constantly with my first that he was behind he was late rolling, didn’t crawl properly until after one and didn’t walk until almost 17 months. He is now 2 nearly 3 in August and he is just like all the other children his age and in some ways I think he is more advanced he never stops talking full sentences. I have a 7 and a half month old girl she is also slower doing things which I mostly put down to her huge size she is in 12-18 month clothes already its crazy. She has only just started rolling this week and hasn’t fully got the hang of it yet. I’m honestly not worried at all she will get there in her own time as will your daughter. I wouldn’t say anything you have said sounds worrying but I know what it’s like as a first time mum but please not to worry yourself just enjoy her

GrumpyHoonMain Sat 30-May-20 15:09:11

Her becoming clingy when you are further away / not in her sight suggests her development is fairly advanced - babies normally can’t tell this before the 9 month leap. Suggest you download the Wonder Weeks app for a full list of each developmental leap and what to expect - turning / sitting etc are all only part of a wider leap.

Haworthia Sat 30-May-20 15:09:46

The range of “normal” in infants is HUGE, trust me.

I understand that your PND and anxiety is channelled on your baby being “behind” right now (been there, done that - it gets better 😄) but try not to fixate too much. Some babies crawl early, some don’t. Some walk early, some don’t. Some get teeth at six months and some are toothless on their first birthday.

Comparison is the thief of joy. If we didn’t have bloody NCT groups we wouldn’t have this endless comparing and bragging and worrying grin

ScarfLadysBag Sat 30-May-20 15:09:59

I think the PND is probably making you more fixated than you need to be.

These are the questionnaires our HV uses for development. You'll see they span a couple of months at a time, so a baby won't be expected to do the majority of things on it until they are at the older end of the range.

KatnissK Sat 30-May-20 15:10:15

She sounds fine! You always get the "walking at 6mo, talking at 10mo, could read at 2yo and was accepted into oxbridge as a pre schooler" bollocks. Some kids do develop faster but I can assure you that it means nothing in the long run. Just enjoy your baby!

Embracelife Sat 30-May-20 15:10:22

Ok so there are a few issues forceps sacral dimple
Reflux but she sounds like she overcame those fine.
In a couple of months ask h v or gp to review but for now she s within range .

AnnaSW1 Sat 30-May-20 15:11:42

I think she sounds fine.

Swishtail Sat 30-May-20 15:12:41

Bless you. Its so worrying being a first time parent isn't it.

I have two who were hugely different in all areas.

One was early in their talking, sitting, walking etc and the other didn't even sit up till their were 11 months.

Try not to worry so much and stop comparing your baby to other people's. In terms of development you don't need to worry until they are 2 yrs old - then worry of she hasn't met the basic milestones flowers

Haworthia Sat 30-May-20 15:12:53

My brother didn't utter a word until he was 4 and started school still in nappies. He went to Oxford and is now very rich.

This is off topic, but that sounds like textbook autism to me smile

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