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To ask how you feel about your step parents?

(33 Posts)
RedCarBluePlane Sat 30-May-20 13:31:45

Exactly that, especially if you were young when they came into your life. Does it make a difference if your own father/mother was also around? Like if you had a father and a step-father or mother and a step-mother. What if your biological father hated your step-father? Or your mother hated your step-mother? Did that impact your relationship with your step-parent?

OP’s posts: |
NatashaAlianovaRomanova Sat 30-May-20 13:41:38

I have a step-mother who has been in my life since I was 2 (I'm 41 now) she was great when we were little as she was the SAHP while my mum & dad worked & she was my refuge as a teen when I was pissed off at my mum (but she didn't interfere & would never have gone against my mum). We still get on great now.

My step-father came into my life when I was 7 & again I had a great relationship with him (so much that DS is named after him as opposed to my actual dad - I'm gutted that he suddenly passed away 3 weeks before DS was born as they'd have had a great relationship).

All 4 parents while they had their differences (dad had an affair with step-mum) never let them get in the way of doing what was best for the 9 kids involved - we just had & still do a weird very large & multi faceted family.

Cheesewine Sat 30-May-20 13:43:58

Step dad since I was 4 step mum since I was 7. Love them both. They will be gran n grandad to my children . I'm also a step mother . They get a bad rep lol.

DuckALaurent Sat 30-May-20 13:49:23

My StepMum was my best friend.
Hated her when she showed up at 13 (my mum had died). By 15 she was my strongest ally. In my 20’s she didn’t mind me using the house like a hotel. In my 30’s she was the best Nanna ever. In my 40’s we lost her suddenly and she’s very very missed.

HollySideEyes Sat 30-May-20 13:52:25

I had a step-father that came into my life when I was about seven. He never gave a shiny shit about me. If my mum was in the room he pretended, as soon as she left the room he ignored me. It was all an act for her. I tried to explain this to her when I was confident enough but she decided I was a liar. M and I are no longer in contact.

EmbarrassedUser Sat 30-May-20 13:54:09

I don’t like my SM. When it was our wedding, we sent an invite to her and my dad and got no response. I waited and waited. Finally I got told that they weren’t going to respond and definitely not coming because DS hadn’t said thank you for a birthday card when he was 3. DS was 14 at the time of the wedding 🤦‍♀️ Can anyone else see the irony in me supposedly forgetting to prompt DS to say thanks (I actually dispute this) and her trying to punish me by ignoring a wedding invitation. I’m now NC with her and my dad due to that and two more serious things.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 30-May-20 13:54:58

I had a step-father who came into my life as a teen. He was pretty much great - the only issue was his wife hated that he'd remarried and would make a point of it. I can't say it had an impact on me or my siblings to any extent. I think her main issue was that she didn't want her children to regard my mother + siblings as family thus erasing herself and her family but that was an issue mainly in her head. Why do you ask?

blankethog Sat 30-May-20 13:55:15

Have a 'step' father. I call him dad, my biological father walked out on me and my younger brother when we were 5 and 3 respectively. He's always treated me and my brother like we were his own. Didn't much get on with him during my teenage years but that was less to do with him being my step dad and much more to do with me being a brat. I love him with all my heart and took his surname by deed poll when I was 12, very much my decision

VladmirsPoutine Sat 30-May-20 13:56:08

ex-wife that should say as otherwise I'd totally agree with her!

Waxonwaxoff0 Sat 30-May-20 13:57:18

I have a stepfather. He came into my life when I was 14 so I didn't really want much parenting then. We did clash, he has no DC of his own so I think he found it difficult suddenly having a stroppy teen around. Our relationship improved when I moved out but we're not especially close.

riotlady Sat 30-May-20 14:00:40

I love my stepdad and regard him as my proper dad. My mum married him when I was 6 and my sister was born when I was 8. I have a difficult relationship with my mum and she clearly favours my sister over me, but my dad doesn’t.

My relationship with my stepmum is different. I’m fond of her and feel a bit sorry for what she’s been through, but we’re not close. My bio dad was abusive to my mum and had an affair with my stepmum who’s 15 years younger than him. I saw them every other weekend when I was a kid and they fought constantly, I don’t think he treated her well. She was only 21 when they got together and suddenly she had a 4 year old stepkid so I don’t think things were easy for her. I don’t see either of them often now and my dad has taken barely any interest in my daughter.

JagerPlease Sat 30-May-20 14:02:37

Dad lives abroad, only met his partner twice in the ten or so years they've been together. She was the OW, my mum still doesn't know about her (parents now divorced). She complained about not being invited to my wedding (when I'd only met her once, and see above re: my mum) and periodically complains about the lack of effort I make, despite her never visiting the UK since she's been with my dad and him only meeting nearly 4 year old DS twice. So not great in my experience!

StormBaby Sat 30-May-20 14:03:07

My step mum was the most amazing woman in the world, she came in to my life when I was 7 and from that moment on was my idol. She wasn't maternal at all, had no children or desire to, but she taught me everything I know. Every interest I have as an adult stemmed from her guidance. She was glamorous and edgy and punk and absolutely effervescent. I'm a step parent myself and have been for 20 years now, and I often think to myself "what would Patsy do? “.
She died 5 years ago and the world is a much darker place without her in it.

LikeSilentRaindrops Sat 30-May-20 14:04:48

Stepmother came into my life at 13. I got on really well with her and couldn’t see what she saw in my dad! But it seemed she was a bit of a ‘rescuer’ and she dropped me when she had her own baby four years later. She seems to build and drop these relationships a lot - she’s a therapist..!

@EmbarrassedUser you’ve reminded me - my SM wanted to know if I was inviting her to our wedding because she was my dad’s wife or because I genuinely wanted a relationship with her as an individual! This was after we hadn’t really spoken for a couple of years. She decided in the end she wouldn’t be able to come and still ‘be authentic to herself’ confused all a bit weird!

HollySideEyes Sat 30-May-20 14:05:26

I'm very envious but happy for those that had great step parents.

AgeLikeWine Sat 30-May-20 14:05:30

My mum re-married when I was a teenager. He is a perfectly nice bloke, we get on fine but he is not and never was my step-father, and I have never referred to him as such.

He is my mother’s husband and I have always called him ‘Tom’.

Glitterb Sat 30-May-20 14:06:31

I hated my stepmum for years, she was overbearing and pushy. Then my dad was diagnosed with cancer and she nursed him, and I saw how much they adored each other. we supported each other through the whole thing and I held her hand during the funeral. Ironically she is my last surviving parent now, so things have changed. I am so much like my Dad that she says spending time with me is like having him back, which is nice.

Destroyedpeople Sat 30-May-20 14:11:15

I have a 'srepmother' she made a point
Of telling me age 12 that she wasn't. ...she was just married to my dad which was different. Then she told their new children that they weren't related to me. I was just a weird relative of some kind who turned up from time to time.
My mum got remarried to some guy who also regarded us as some kind of irritating add on.

JumpingAtJackdaws Sat 30-May-20 14:14:14

So lovely and refreshing to hear so many posters with great relationships with their step parents.

Sadly, I loath my step-father. He arrived on the scene when I was 15 and mum had raised 4 children alone after dad died. Step father has no children. We were good kids, but he thought he could start disciplining us, throwing his weight around, being the man of the house. He's a bully and a know all. He and my elder brother had a particularly bad relationship which became violent, and my brother left home at 18. We all left as soon as we could and we all loath him.

SorryImNotCreative Sat 30-May-20 14:14:17

My mum met my stepdad when I was 11. I’m now 28. I never had a great relationship with my own dad, and I love my stepdad so much more.

He has been there for me and helped me out much more than my dad ever has. He’s also never really tried to ‘parent’ me, if that makes sense? He’s so laid back and lovely. I feel very lucky.

StormBaby Sat 30-May-20 14:17:58

A few of you have reminded me of my ex husbands longterm girlfriend who tells everyone loudly, in front of all the kids, that she is NOT their stepmum. She even comes along to school meetings etc and does it,which raises a few eyebrows. As far as I'm concerned if kids come as part of the package then they become yours by default. We have a houseful and I love them all the same. My stepkids are spoilt rotten here. 😂 And my bio kids adore my DH and have called him stepdad since we became serious.

M0nstermunch Sat 30-May-20 14:19:11

I had 1 stepdad at 10, he was ok but no strong feelings either way, 1 at 16, he was awful an alcoholic so I couldn't wait to leave home to get away and my 3rd and current at 28, he is nice and the best one but no massive feelings of attachment.

Only the one stepmother at about age 11, who is still married to my dad, she is ok they live 200 miles away though so never been close.

Various step siblings over the years, none who I have keep in contact with though.

Hidingtonothing Sat 30-May-20 14:23:53

I had a step dad from very young, no contact with my real dad. He's an arse tbh but I can see he did his best and suppose I (grudgingly) love him for it. Still think he isn't really good enough for my mum (with good reason) but I do appreciate that he made sacrifices too and that it's not easy raising someone else's kids.

I'm also a step mum of almost 20 years myself, DSC were 4 and 2 when I met DH. They have a mum and a step dad too and the four of us have done a half decent job of getting along for their sake. Being a step parent has definitely made me appreciate my step dad's position more, I still don't like him as a person but I do at least respect what he did for us now.

Windyatthebeach Sat 30-May-20 14:27:13

My df remarried when I was about 7.
I was the only dc in his family not invited.
Things never improved. Sm resented me terribly.
Df didn't really see me until teens. He met me from school, we went to the bakers to get me a pasty. Sm wouldn't allow me a plate or a drink. Df didn't argue.
Things improved slightly until I stayed for a home cooked meal.
I had a baby very young. Df was fine. Sm was too. Until she reached 40 and decided she wasn't a real dgm and dumped us all. Df followed suit sadly.
Haven't seen him for over 20 years. He has no idea how many dgc he has...
Never will

Ducklingfarm Sat 30-May-20 14:38:32

My step dad came when I was 18 I'm early 30s now and I love him to bits always have done, hes done so much for me and my partner, helps decorating, or any work around our house etc loves my kids and they call him grandad they call my actual dad mums dad and we hardly see him, my step dad is a much better dad than my dad despite being a young adult when I first met him.

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