To worry I have PND?

[Pumpertrumper]

EBF DS.
It was a shit pregnancy, by birth I’d not left the house in 6 months. Went straight into lockdown and my DF was diagnosed with cancer. It’s been tough and I’m having counselling.

We live rurally, there’s nothing nearby and I can’t go anywhere as struggle to express and have a weak bladder.
(DS has stomach issues and two food allergies so GP feels combi/formula feeding ‘isn’t a good option’.)

I’m just struggling. I feel like I’m swimming through treacle to get anything done or achieve. It feels hopeless, like I’ve lost my independence and identity. Like I’m constantly failing and a shit mum.

DH is a man of few words but where I used to be fine with it I’m now interpreting his silence as criticism and negativity. It’s sending my anxiety through the roof and the energy in the house is very heavy. I’ve told him I’m really struggling and a bit of reassurance, praise or affection from him would go a long way but he just doesn’t offer it. I feel like I’m drowning and he’s just watching me quietly. I feel like a needy mess. He’s on SPL with me so it’s all day every day, but he is doing a lot of DIY/ projects.

My psychologist apt’s have gone from weekly to every 3 weeks and I’m so low some days I struggle to get out of bed.

I’m not really sure what to do. Tbh I’m happier when I’m on my own and have taken to feeding DS alone upstairs but I know this seems rude as DH and PIL are in the living room but I just can’t converse. (I love PIL and we get on very well, they’re very helpful but they are similar to DH).

[attillathenun]

Congratulations on your baby Can you get a telephone appointment with your doctor or health visitor to talk about how you’re feeling? I can totally sympathise about the feeding and feeling like you’ve lost your independence. Feeding a new baby is bloody hard work and at the beginning feels like all you ever do! Your partner is probably sitting and watching because he feels like there is nothing he can do if you are EBF and he’s probably overwhelmed himself. You need to tell him how you feel and that you need support.

Hang in there because it does get easier. Can you ask DH/PIL to watch DS while you go and have some ‘me’ time? Even if you only get half an hour it’s important you get some self care time