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To ask why some people seem to want others to be bullied victims?

(13 Posts)
CatsBass Fri 29-May-20 19:22:49

Just thinking about a woman in work who takes great delight in pointing out that the boss picked on me but never on her because "she wouldn't get away with it". She brings this up sort of out of context as the boss in question has long left the establishment - so in other words, no current reason for her to bring it up, other than to be an irritating cunt - or maybe in some way trying to establish her dominance?
I've seen this with other people as well where more dominant people want to reinforce people they regard as more passive as 'victims' iyswim. I've seen men and women do this.
Why? Do you think it gives them a sense of superiority?

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CatsBass Fri 29-May-20 19:24:24

Just to confirm the woman who did this to me also made a load of patronizing remarks along the lines of
"Oh you wouldn't understand but....."

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CatsBass Fri 29-May-20 20:55:56


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TabbyMumz Fri 29-May-20 20:59:23

Yes, a lot of people are absolute bullies. They want to be in control, they want you to feel less than her.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Fri 29-May-20 21:02:35

Its controlling the narrative at your cost.

magicmallow Fri 29-May-20 21:05:55

Passive aggressive on her part. Call her out on it!

3LittleMonkeyz Fri 29-May-20 21:09:30

It's because they would love to bully you but don't have the confidence to do so in an obvious way so just support somebody else's bullying or use their bullying to make you feel like crap. I have more respect for people who are complete cunts because at least you know where you stand

CatsBass Fri 29-May-20 21:51:18

Thank you so much for all your feedback

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DontGoJasonWaterfalls Fri 29-May-20 21:53:43

A bit of a hero complex too, I think. By saying that people pick on others but not them because of their personality, they're indirectly establishing themselves as the "protector of the vulnerable". Then, when they target someone and bully them, if that individual speaks up all they'll hear is "but __ is so ANTI bullying?! It couldn't be them, they stand up to bullies!".

CatsBass Fri 29-May-20 21:57:16

The hero complex is an interesting one

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CatsBass Fri 29-May-20 22:22:34

Thank you all - I love reading all your insights into this - just to mention out of interest - that one day I totally ignored this woman while I spoke to the only other person near - the man sat next to her. She really really wasn't happy but she was fucked in that she just couldn't realistically take any leverage from the situation - she couldn't say to me 'Oi - you're ignoring me' without looking like a paranoid wanker

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polexiaaphrodesia Fri 29-May-20 22:34:36

I dont know why people do this (and I've had the exact same thing happen to me recently) but all I can say is that whenever someone feels the need to 'remind' you of how you were previously bullied or picked on that they are trying to put you down as they now feel threatened by you in some way professionally or personally so want to bring you down a peg or two.

I think that says a lot more about them than you as a person and would try to rise above it and remember how far you've come since your boss was a horrible shit to you.

GratedCheddar Fri 29-May-20 22:37:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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